'The Real Housewives of OC' Make Jokes But No One's Laughing
'The Real Housewives of OC' Make Jokes But No One's Laughing
Tamra's back from Spain, and oops, Simon found out she was there. Apparently he showed up and hung out with Tamra's mom and their kids while she was gone. Vicki has her 30th high school reunion and she's going without Donn. Before Vicki leaves, Tamra shows Vicki the text message from Alexis. Incendiary!

Vicki heard that Alexis's house is in foreclosure, so that rumor is swirling around Orange County now. Tamra doesn't feel bad for Alexis. Vicki thinks everyone should work more.

Speaking of work, Gretchen is organizing her makeup line. But the major problem is that her ex-husband makes their dogs fat when they're in his custody. Gretchen has also noticed that Slade is fat, but Chris is not to blame for that.

Donn and Vicki go to the spa, and of course Donn isn't using his spa voice! Vicki's spa voice involves talking about work through her whole massage.

Peggy, her new boobs, and her husband went to dinner with Gretchen and Slade. The dinner table discussion turns to parenting, and it's awkward for Slade, who is known for sort of being a deadbeat dad. Peggy asks to see Gretchen's lip gloss so she can "muscle test" Micah to see if he's allergic to any of them. Through the plastic and container. Then, once the food arrived, Micah talked about blow jobs. Ugh.

Alexis and Peggy both have "daytime" wedding rings, in addition to giant, diamond nighttime rings. Slade is feeling worse and worse at this dinner, particularly because he can't afford a daytime or nighttime ring. They toast their dry ice cocktails to better times ahead. To being covered in diamonds!

Gretchen and Slade take the opportunity to warn Peggy against Tamra, and talk some more smack about her. It's one of their favorite hobbies. Peggy felt uncomfortable because she likes Tamra, and likes Gretchen too, but isn't sure about Slade. Me neither, Peggy.

Gretchen and Slade bring the dogs in to the vet to deal with the obesity problem. Gretchen admits to the vet that she calls Slade "Tubba Wubba," multiple times. Then she got mad at Slade for letting one of the fat dogs fall off the table. Gretchen hates fat ANYTHING--dogs, kids, boyfriends, it's all bad.

Peggy and her new boobs meet up with Tamra for lunch drinks. It is SO funny that Tamra is a Virgo and Peggy is an Aries. It's meant to be! And they both love mojitos?! BFFs. Peggy brings up Gretchen, and then the mace issue comes up again. Always with the mace.

Vicki and Donn plod on to dinner at a restaurant. It's palpably awkward. Donn suggests that Vicki meet up with his sister in Minneapolis, but Vicki says it's a business trip so there's no way she can. Then she forgot Donn's exact age when she was asking him about retirement (so ... more work). Donn suggests Vicki try to find more balance in her life, and Vicki responds by telling him that work is her work and her hobby and her husband and her everything.

Gretchen and Slade take the dogs to the park to give them a workout with some little doggie soccer balls. It was actually quite cute. It turns out that Slade DOESN'T like it when Gretchen calls him "Tubba Wubba." It's starting to annoy me, too. Gretchen responds with, "what are we, five?" Because "Tubba Wubba" is a very adult nickname. They have a spat at the park and Gretchen won't apologize or anything. Gretchen drives and Slade runs home.

Tamra and Alexis meet up to talk. Probably about the mace incident, but I bet it will escalate. Tamra asks to check out Alexis's house, mostly because she heard it was in foreclosure. She called the house "all flash and no cash," then asks Alexis about the foreclosure rumors. Alexis tells Tamra there's a difference between a loan modification and foreclosure. Then they argued about the mace, which has been blown way out of proportion.

So then Tamra was like, "let's talk friends!" and attacked Alexis for not standing up for her or apologizing (why would she need to do that?) for the evil eye hat incident. Ewww, with friends like these ...

(image courtesy of Bravo)

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