And then there were 64! The Voice‘s season 3 blind auditions came to an end as the four coaches finalized their 16-member teams. That’s a whole lot of singers, but that’s what the battle rounds are for.
So tonight there are fights, another former boy band member, two women who overcame eating disorders and more.
Nathalie Hernandez (“White Horse” by Taylor Swift)
She’s 15 and sings in local competitions. She claims she’s great at connecting with an audience, but I think she speaks like a freaking robot. She’s a bit like a pageant girl who’s been over-trained and does not know how to speak naturally. Ironically the Nat-Bot flips her “On” switch before walking out and her performance is actually great, the total opposite of how she seemed talking to Carson Daly.
Coaches: Adam, Christina and Blake turn around. Blake and Xtina hit their buttons on the first note. She joins Team Xtina.
Rob Michael (“Please Don’t Go:’ by Mike Posner)
Oh look, another former boy bander. He was in the group B3, and this is basically a repeat of Dream Street’s Chris Trousdale. Saying “I was in a boy band” is sort of like saying “I had a dot com.” There was a huge bubble, then it burst, now there are a whole lot of people with no real skills left searching for a job in the real world. He’s good looking enough to be in a boy band, but that’s about it.
Coaches: No one turns around. Adam Levine appreciates the 50 Shades of Grey levels of frenzy the ladies in the audience reached, but, as he says, this is The Voice, not The Abs. Although I would totally watch The Abs.
Caitlin Michelle (“Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine)
Keeping with the theme of the season (“singing is the best medicine”), she uses music to help cure her panic attacks. Once the 64 singers are chosen, they can have their own March Sadness tournament (trademark: NBC’s Go On). She sounds WAAAAAY too much like the actual Florence, which is a huge strike against her in my book because there’s nothing original here.
Coaches: Adam and Blake turn around. Blake goes first, and when Adam turns, Blake stands and curses him out. They do their bromance bickering over Florence Lite, who Adam incorrectly calls “different.” Technically she’s not the same person as Florence, but that’s the only difference I can see. She joins Team Adam.
Nicole Johnson (“Mr. Know It All” by Kelly Clarkson)
She moved to Nashville, so it’s obvious where this is going from the start. She was also home schooled, which is a giant red flag for me. I’ve known a few home schooled kids, and they make the Children of the Corn seem normal.
Coaches: Cee Lo and Blake turn around. Why does Cee Lo even bother talking at this point? She had Blake at “thang.” She joins Team Blake.
Kameron Corvet (“Crazy” by Seal)
He’s a middle school French teacher, which is a refreshing change of pace from the usual parade of blue collar workers, music teachers and students. I think he’s pretty cool and his version is awesome, but it’s not strong enough on the voice.
Coaches: No one turns around. Kameron speaks a little French and it titillates Xtina’s nether regions. It’s a good thing she has that giant fan.
Chevonne (“Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders)
She’s a background singer for Lady Gaga. I have a hard time rooting for these kinds of people. Most of the contestants on this show would KILL to make a living as a singer, even if it’s doing back-up vocals. She’s not that good, to be honest.
Coaches: Cee Lo and Blake turn around. Wow, why? We then get her sob story about overcoming an eating disorder. That’s sad, but she’s just not a very good singer and will not survive the battle rounds. She joins Team Cee Lo. I feel like Chevonne and Domo will have an epic “Who Belongs on the Pussycat Dolls?” duel on that team.
Kayla Nevarez (“American Boy” by Estelle)
Her dad is sick with liver disease. Years of these sob stories on reality competitions have made me callous and indifferent to this kind of everyday human tragedy. I like her a lot more than most when she admits that she knows lots of other people have it worse than her. I like people with perspective.
Coaches: Adam, Cee Lo and Christina turn around. Xtina desperately wants her to fill the final spot on her team. Cee Lo gives up the fight quickly, realizing that almost no one would choose him over Adam AND Xtina. Adam offers up some “facts,” like that he was the first to turn around and he’s won before. She joins Team Adam. Xtina nearly dies and must fan herself back to life. And now Adam Levine’s team is complete (with eight men and eight women).
Celica Westbrook (“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri)
She’s only 16 and is a third-generation singer who ALMOST signed a record deal to be on the Bieber tour. She says things like “I have worked my entire short life to get to this point,” which is pretty funny. Luckily her voice is every bit as awesome as she is.
Coaches: All three remaining coaches turn around. Xtina makes another hard sell and Blake connects to her about local malls they both shop at. Cee Lo is once again a nonfactor. She joins Team Xtina. And now Christina Aguilera’s team is complete (with 12 female singers, most of whom are teenagers, one married couple and only THREE male soloists).
Jessica Cayne (“Good Girl” by Carrie Underwood)
Like Chevonne, she ALSO had an eating disorder and used music to help save herself. Some parts are good, but when she starts to scream she loses control and it’s just not that strong.
Coaches: No one turns around. Jessica is just happy to be there and then tells her “I used to be bullied” story about how Xtina’s “Fighter” made her feel better. The X Factor already did this whole thing with Demi Lovato. But the best part is what happens after Jessica leaves the stage. We get the following exchange:
Xtina: “I hate bullies.”
Cee Lo: “Yeah.”
Then we get a cutaway to Cee Lo talking with Lady Bird the Pink Cockatoo on top of his head. That’s a nice way to lighten the mood.
Rudy Parris (“Every Breath You Take” by The Police)
He’s a 46-year-old dude who wanted to be a musician because of Kiss. He’s an emotional guy who gave up a career to raise his daughter. He looks like a very fat Criss Angel and he sings like an angel as well.
Coaches: Both of the remaining coaches turn around. Cee Lo tries his darnedest, but the guy’s a little bit country. He joins Team Blake. And Blake Shelton’s team is complete (with six guys and 11 women, including the duo 2Steel Girls).
Cody Belew (“Hard to Handle” by Otis Redding)
He’s a country/soul fusion guy who thinks he was an elderly black lady in a previous life. His dad was a bull rider and he wants to get shot out of a cannon. This guy is weird and energetic and kind of amazing.
Coaches: Cee Lo turns around. He pushed it at the last minute and Cody didn’t even realize it. He joins Team Cee Lo. And Cee Lo Green’s team is complete (with 11 men and 5 women).
Tomorrow night is a clip show of the best blind auditions and next week, the Battle Rounds begin!
(Image and videos courtesy of NBC)