Yes, the auditions are STILL going on for season two of The X Factor, USA. That means more horribly boring v-neck shirts for Simon, unmistakably loud laughter from Demi, thought-provoking faces from Britney and who doesn’t love the tragic dance moves of LA. You know you rushed home just for these reasons!
If you could care less about the celebrity judges and are only watching the show for the talent, or lack thereof, then don’t worry. There are two more hours of hopeful acts tonight from all over the country. The youngsters are out for the kill tonight, taking the lead in successful audtions.
A Providence, RI radio station welcomes LA Reid who reminds the world that the winner of The X Factor will win a $5 million recording contract!
Meanwhile, Britney and her manager Larry Rudolph sit in her dressing room discussing Wade. Who’s Wade? You don’t know Wade? He’s just one of the assistants running around with cool headgear on and some thick glasses. Larry wants to mess with the kid, so Britney agrees to tell him she wants to wear a straw hat. I’m assuming this will be of some significance later in the show.
Amongst the hundreds upon hundreds of people lined up, LA, Demi and Britney all arrive by a car. Simon, on the other hand, the huge celebrity that he is, is escorted by motorcade while riding a scooter.
Adonis & John resemble some old school G’s. Let me explain. They describe themselves as, “The Original G’s” AKA “The Original Greeks.” To get amped up for their audition, John (who seems to be missing more screws than his friend) yells a line from the film 300. “THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!” he grunts.
Adonis & John, ‘Hello’ by Lionel Ritchie
Dressed in street clothes and chains, Adonis and John look like rappers. Yet while John repeats the word, “yeah,” Adonis croons really off-key. It’s horrible. Thankfully, John has a job already at Adonis’ diner.
“I’ve never heard that song so hood,” Demi breaks it down. She may have found it entertaining, but her answer is easily a “no.” The Original G’s leave the stage, thankfully.
Following bad is even more bad as the most impressive montage of failure rolls into play. One guy gets on LA’s nerves. There’s a really sad woman who meshes the world of singing and miming together in a horrible attempt to one day take Demi’s spot. Lastly, another contestant throws a tantrum and hops off stage, crying like a toddler.
Here is where Wade comes in. He basically fetches anything that the judges need, the poor guy. So when he hands over a straw hat to Britney, like she asked, he can’t really ask questions when he’s told to get a tiara instead. “Should we be messing with him?” Britney asks. Sure, why not? I’m entertained.
Dinah Jane, ‘If I Were A Boy’ by Beyonce
She may only be 15 years old, but her look and sound are well beyond her years. From the initial on-key low notes, the judges are obviously impressed. The crowd stands to their feet way before the audition is over.
“This is why we came to Providence,” says Simon, “to find someone like you.” Like a giddy school girl, Dinah scurries off stage to her mother and uncle with four yeses. Hopefully her story of living in a house with 23 people will soon change.
So what does Britney do with the magic tiara given to her by Wade? She puts it on Simon’s head, of course, who plans on giving it to the biggest princess of the day. No one is more of a princess than Britney Spears, so on her head it goes!
Remember Arin Ray? Of course you don’t because when he auditioned last season, the judges ultimately placed him in a destined to fail group named InTENsity. He returns this year as a solo artist.
Arin Ray, ‘Count On Me’ original
Please keep in mind that Arin is only 16 years old! Demi was way too quick to say “you’re cute!” Oops! He definitely has the butter-smooth voice and Usher-like moves to make the girls scream, though. And his lyrics are definitely catchy. Look out for this one.
“Your confidence is really, really hot,” explains Demi. Nobody knows what happened between last season and this season, but Arin definitely has what it takes this time around. The judges send him through with four yeses.
Kick that failure montage to the curb, talent has definitely arrived by way of teenagers. First off, Natalie Martin, Nick Perreli and Beatrice Miller show their skills and all receive their one-way tickets to boot camp.
Once the kiddos are put to bed, explosive rap duo ONE4FIVE blows the roof off of the stadium as they jump off-stage, run out into the audience and sing directly to Demi Lovato. With a furry creature around one’s arm and zombie contacts behind the other’s shades, ONE4FIVE makes their way to boot camp.
“Providence has been so good to us and I’m gonna be good to you!” shouts a very thrilled LA Reid. His actions on The X Factor really make me wonder if this is the most fun this man has ever had in his life.
Changyi Li, ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion
Please, make it stop! I don’t know how to describe it, so I won’t. Just know that the best thing about her performance is her Sailor Moon costume. Then, for extra sprinkles on top, Changyi has the nerve to attempt the ad-libbing “oohs” and “ahhs” at the end of the song.
It’s not good for Changyi. “If they ever remake the film,” starts Simon, “you can replace the iceberg.” Then Britney goes even further by saying that perhaps the 52-year-old could start dancing, or something. Either way, her place is not on the X Factor stage.
The X Factor bus makes its way back to Greensboro, NC.
Two teenage girls have a giggle-fit over one young, bleach blonde boy’s appearance. After signing their arms and giving them random hugs. It’s time for his audition. I hope he doesn’t let the girls down.
Austin Carini, ‘Wanted’ by Hunter Hayes
He’s not bad. Although I’m quite distracted by his tongue. Let me explain. Austin is constantly licking his lips like an old person who misplaced his dentures. The young girls don’t seem to care, though.
“I think I’ve seen a kid like this like 25 times,” LA says, and he has a very good point. In this day and age of the return of boy bands, a young male singer cannot just be “cute.” He has to bring more to the table. Thanks to LA, Austin is given four yeses.
Nick Youngerman, ‘Ice, Ice Baby’ by Vanilla Ice
This audition doesn’t last long, pitfalls of trying to squeeze so much into such a tiny timeframe of two hours. I had to show Nick some love, though, because he is the first person to get Britney out of her seat and dancing. She literally performs her own little choreographed routine to this song. He does a really good job, too and is sent to boot camp.
Jamie, ‘Will You Be My Baby?’ original
I suppose they get their inspiration from Karmin, but it just doesn’t work at all. The lyrics were horrendous.While Simon explains all that was wrong with their performance, somebody yells, “GET OFF THE STAGE!” At least their constant display of affection doesn’t go to waste because they still have one another.
David Correy, ‘Just The Way You Are’ by Bruno Mars
To just describe David’s performance isn’t enough: the look on Britney’s face, the tears in her eyes as she looked on at the passion coming from the stage. Wanting to meet his birth mother and encouraging the crowd to do what they love no matter who tells them they can’t only completes an already-charming picture. David has a voice and a message.
“That 13-hour drive was worth it,” David tells friends backstage. You can look for this guy in boot camp.
San Fransisco, CA
One teenager stands out amongst the rest, but not because of her appearance or vocals. Sophie Simmons is the daughter of Gene Simmons and the KISS rocker has joined Shannon Tweed-Simmons and Sophie, provoking tons of camera flashes from the crowd. So much for helping her do it on her own.
By the way, there’s a self-proclaimed “good” singer by the name of Tara Simon floating around, talking smack about Sophie behind her back. Keep an eye out. I bet she’s horrible.
Sophie Tweed-Simmons, ‘Make You Feel My Love’ by Adele
Her father may be a rock star, but Sophie is doing all she can to steer clear of his legacy. She delivers a soft and jazzy performance, grabbing attention and showcasing pretty good potential.
LA isn’t quite sold, so he gives Sophie a no. It only takes three, though, to send an act to the next stage of the competition and that is exactly what Sophie gets. Backstage, Gene jumps for joy.
Tara Simon, ‘Without You’ by Usher
Alright, so apparently this will be the performance that I’ll catch slack for not agreeing with the judges. Bad song choice, first of all. Secondly, while her voice is saturated with talent, she stuffs way too many vocal tricks into the song. I think I would have had her sing another selection. But after insulting both Britney and Demi, I would have also been turned off before hearing a note.
All four of the judges love her and send her through to boot camp with flying colors. There is a glimmer of hope from Simon, though. “That girl is a total and utter drama queen,” he says. Mark my words, Tara will be the one to cause drama and that’s what they need on this show.
Darryl Black, ‘Stereo Hearts’ by Gym Class Hereos
I never thought I would hear this song church-ified. It might sound ridiculous, but Darryl does a fantastic job of it. A rap/rock song is given soul. It’s genius!
“I think you took over,” says Britney. I agree. He walks out on stage and commands it. “You remind me of Nat King Cole,” says Simon. Those are some big shoes to fill and I believe this one has a shot. With four yeses, we’ll be seeing Darryl later.
Trevor Moran makes videos. Apparently, every time he makes a video, he introduces himself before dancing horribly in the middle of strangers. It’s bad, but it’s adorable, as he and another young contestant dance and sing along to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe.” Anyone can see the excitement on Trevor’s face.
As the time for Trevor’s audition finally comes, there’s only one thing missing. Trevor. He’s found in a corner, on the floor, laying in his mother’s lap. The young boy’s face is pale and he looks to be slipping from consciousness. Will he be able to audition? Does someone call the ambulance?
TO BE CONTINUED…
Without a doubt, the teenagers grabbed attention tonight. Trevor, by far, will leave the biggest impression on fans before even hitting the stage. I think I would like to remind everyone of Changyi Li, once again. Not that she was good, but she was soooooooo incredibly bad. Who was your favorite tonight?
Tomorrow on The X Factor, the auditions come to a close. We can’t keep these good times going for too long, I’m sorry to say. Tune back in and join me as we find out if Trevor ever makes it to the stage.
(Image courtesy of FOX)