One thing is very clear about The Voice this season: Nobody likes Cee Le Green. The poor guy presses his button more than anyone else, but no one EVER picks him. In the third night of blind auditions, Cee Lo turned around seven times, but he only added one person to his team. And that’s only because no other coaches turned around.
The same thing happened Tuesday night, when Cee Lo went 1 for 5, with his only addition (hipster kid Mackenzie Bourg) coming because no other coaches pushed their buttons. That means, across two nights, Cee Lo has lost 10 singers in a row to other coaches. I blame the stupid pink parrot that replaced Purrfect the Cat.
Samuel Mouton (“Redemption Song” by Bob Marley)
This pizza chef looks like a total stoner and his uncle, who signed him up for the show, says, “He’s been a loser forever, so this is like a major step.” That’s one cool uncle. He’s really into reggae, which is just plain weird. He’s absolutely right when he says “I sound different than I look.”
Coaches: Adam, Cee Lo and Christina turn around. Xtina uses her default sales pitch (aka flirting) while Adam uses the “I was first” argument. He joins Team Adam. Xtina thought Cee Lo had it. Obviously she didn’t get the memo that no one likes Cee Lo.
Chris Trousdale (“Glad You Came” by The Wanted)
OMG! How sad is it that I actually remember Dream Street AND I remember Chris Trousdale? Who could ever forget the lame boy band that launched the career of Jesse McCartney? But the truly sad part is that now he works in a sushi restaurant and he tears up talking about how sometimes girls recognize him and wonder why this guy who used to be on their bedroom walls is now serving them lunch. The audition itself makes it obvious why Jesse McCartney is the only Dream Streeter who made it.
Coaches: No one turns around. The most soul-crushing moment is when his mom, who’s watching, says “Oh no” as she realizes no one is going to turn around. Blake Shelton moonwalks to try and lift our spirits, but the damage is done and this entire segment is just depressing. The show piles on the hurt by adding a quick montage of failed singers.
Nelly’s Echo (“Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers)
His family fled Nigeria after his father was wrongfully imprisoned (but luckily he was later released). Way to make “former boy bander now serving sushi” seem trivial. This dude is literally the embodiment of the American Dream. His name is Nelly, but the Echo is the audience’s reaction to his performance, which he considers part of himself. His voice definitely has lots of soul.
Coaches: Adam and Christina turn around. He joins Team Christina.
2Steel Girls (“Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood)
This is a mother-daughter country duo, part of a larger family band. The coaches’ reaction shots when they discover that this singer is actually a duo is priceless. And Xtina is really working her fan, like she’s the daughter of a Southern plantation owner during the early 19th century, sitting on the porch drinking sweet tea while saying “I do declare.”
Coaches: Cee Lo and Blake turn around. Adam admits that he doesn’t know how to handle duos. I find that somewhat hard to believe, as I imagine the sexy, tattooed lead singer of Maroon 5 has had his fair share of experiences with duos, if you know what I mean. They join Team Blake.
Lisa Scinta, MarissaAnn, Loren Allred
This trio of young female singers gets bunched together, but they all make a team. Cee Lo wants all three of them, but he doesn’t get any of them. I expected this segment to end with R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” playing while the camera zoomed in on his pink parrot shedding a single tear for its sad, lonely master. Lisa and MarissaAnn join Team Christina while Loren joins Team Adam.
Domo (“Don’t Cha” by The Pussycat Dolls)
She’s a tough Bronx girl who makes a living as a hip-hop dancer. She’s very, very full of herself. “I can dance like Janet, I can dance like Michael, and I can sing like Mariah, Whitney, Christina, Celine.” Hold your horses, mini-J. Lo. She does a more R&B version of the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha” that has waaaaaaay too many runs. She tries too hard and that is really off-putting, even if she is pretty good.
Coaches: Cee Lo turns around. I think the three other coaches took pity on Cee Lo and didn’t push their buttons just so he could finally win one. She joins Team Cee Lo. The other coaches all mock Cee Lo because they think she’s going to be insanely difficult to work with.
Nicole Nelson (“Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen)
She’s a hippie who lives in some type of artists’ commune. She chooses to sing Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” which angers me. This song is way too obvious and manipulative. Sure, she sings it very well, but it’s just a cheap and heartstring-tugging choice. Auditions like this trigger my inner cynic.
Coaches: All four coaches turn around. She joins Team Adam.
(Image and videos courtesy of NBC)