Last time we left the Real Housewives of New Jersey, tensions were high. Caroline was ready to tell Teresa off and get her out of her life for good. So Andy Cohen changed the subject to Horny Joes and Jersey sex. Ahh, Joe Gorga’s poison. Nice way to start Part 2! And Melissa says that no, she and Joe don’t have an open relationship, and she has never taken a dip in the lady pond.

Caroline is grumpy, though, and not even a lighter topic can cheer her up. She got a clip package about her radio show and her family and she was still cranky. I guess that clip package also showed the Kim G. scandal. Teresa somehow comes out in defense of Kim G., just because she’s against Caroline. So wait, are Teresa and Kim G. going to be friends in Season 4?

Then we get into the reports that Caroline and Dina are feuding. They’re sisters, what happened? Caroline says she doesn’t know, and that Dina was “led to believe things that are not true.” Yes, Caroline, we really want to know who! Apparently, it’s Teresa starting this sh*t, and Caroline has E-MAILS as evidence! I bet this all actually goes down on Facebook.

“What has happened to her?” Melissa asks of Teresa. She is acting CRAZY and defensive and … might be the new Danielle? Kathy looks bored. Anyway, Caroline says that the fame has gotten to Teresa and Teresa claims to be “as real as they come, and you know it.” Oh gawd.

“I’m not wasting my time, your time, or this tape. You are full of sh*t,” Caroline says to Teresa. Damn, girl. To break up the tension, Andy moves to the Jacqueline/Ashley(e) storyline. At least Jacqueline isn’t there.

Then we talked about Kathy and her normal, respectable life. Then Teresa claimed she was at the hospital every day when Victoria had her brain tumor, which is probably not true. Then she said that Victoria taught her not to sweat the small stuff, which is definitely not true.

Moving forward: don’t say unattended! Was Audriana left unattended in the stroller at the christening? Is Kathy a “bad cousin”? Or is Teresa just overreacting and reading into Kathy’s wording? They had that fight again, but this time Caroline jumped in yelling.

“She’s f***ing insane!” Caroline says of Teresa. Man, Teresa is not looking good at this reunion. To be fair, though, she is fending attacks from all sides.

Then all the Housewives started yelling about the hour (or three) that Melissa and Joe spent with Teresa at Christmas. Caroline yelled some straight talk at Teresa, called her selfish, and has clearly HAD IT. They argued over who was calling who a raccoon face, and then it reached a pitch only heard by dogs.

“Are you in a good place?” Andy asks, and they try to say yes but no one is. Caroline tells Melissa that she is going crazy and would like to leave. But first, we have to watch clips of how Melissa and Teresa’s relationship developed. They’re competitive, they steal each other’s stylists and hairstylists, so on and so forth. Teresa says Melissa copies her, which is unfounded. Why would she want to? Kathy and Caroline lighten the mood by making jokes about copying each other with the same bedspread and robe.

“Stop it. You’re turning evil,” Melissa tells Teresa. Andy asks Teresa if she regrets anything she said about Melissa on the show, and Teresa mishears the question and starts talking about things Melissa said. Then she says she doesn’t regret anything (or remember anything), particularly that Melissa likes Joe for his money. Eventually, Teresa says she regrets saying that Melissa fills Joe’s head with poison, and Melissa says she regrets saying “we pay our bills.” Ugly.

Then, a look at the real problem: the Joe Feud. Also, Joe Giudice uses the f-word slur, and Teresa makes excuses for him. Caroline sticks up for Joe Giudice a little bit, saying that he’s a character but there’s no malice. Teresa takes this to mean that she’s saying Joe is “un-ducated.” Andy is being really hard on Teresa at this reunion!

I don’t know why Teresa defends Joe at every turn. He is capable of wrong! I think everyone is starting to realize that Juicy Joe is the problem. They talk about Gia’s song, and Teresa’s parenting comes up. Her defense is making her sound a lot like Danielle, I think we’ll see this develop further in Season 4.

In conclusion, Caroline cares about Dina and Jacqueline but doesn’t give a sh*t about Teresa, who is a life ruiner. Season 4 should be interesting!

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).