Oh yes, the Napa trip is finally upon us. Hurrican Irene is also coming through Jersey on the exact day they’re scheduled to leave. It’s a perfect storm, in so many ways. No one knows how to pack for this preposterous RV trip, either. Jacqueline’s husband lays it out simply: “Bring three outfits that you can wear out, and the rest is casual.”

In the casa de Chris, Albie, and Greg, they’ve decided that they like Lindsey. They offer to let Lindsey move in “for a while” once they get back. The bad idea siren is already going off, but like the thunder of Hurricane Irene, it’s just a rumbling in the distance at this point.

Hurricane Irene proves to be a little bit more than just lots of rain and wind. The airports are closed, so the gang all has to caravan to Pittsburgh in cars together. It’s getting the trip off on a weird, cramped, tense foot. The Gorgas and Giudices are in the same car, running an hour late behind the rest of the crew at the airport. It’s awkward.

The crew flies from Pittsburgh to Houston, then Houston to San Francisco. And then, into the RVs. In the bus, Caroline can’t believe the outfits in tow for camping. She notes Teresa’s shoes, to which Teresa says,

“At least they’re Aztec-y. We’re going to a Native American place, right? That’s what I heard,” and she’s so wrong on so many levels. She tries to recover with, “we’re in the West,” but it is far, far too late. Time to change the topic to cow sex.

The crowd rolls into Camping World and it’s a complete shopping free-for-all. They’re just storming through Camping World, getting anything their eye falls on. Oh yeah, you definitely need place mats and decorative accents and four grills and that raccoon stuffed animal. At the start of the trip, before they’ve even left Camping World, Teresa’s stomach is killing her. She is going to plug up that RV toilet unnecessarily. Go poop in Camping World.

Everyone is nervous about driving the RV, and no one knows what they’re doing. They all anticipate going over the edge of a cliff. Everything they purchased at Camping World went flying. For whatever reason, Joe Giudice wanted to try to cut something with a knife in the RV kitchen while the RV was careening around a mountain.

They get to the RV Lot, and are stunned to find it’s a PARKING LOT. Teresa thought they would be pulling up right onto the sand, I guess? It was not what anyone expected. At least watching everyone set up was hilarious.

“Let’s go meet the neighbors,” Melissa suggests to Teresa. These are some much rougher looking folks than the New Jersey Housewives. They are also much more accustomed to camping. Teresa tells the neighbors that she hates it/them.

Teresa and Rich agree that they are both having a bad time. Kathy comments on it later on inside the RV, and Rich wishes that Teresa and Kathy would also have “a little moment” when they could get along. Rich goes outside to grill, and makes Teresa and Kathy promise to get along. But once he leaves, Teresa brings up how it bothered her that Kathy noticed she stole some of her mom’s recipes.

“Did I say they were my mom’s recipes? Oh I don’t remember saying that,” Kathy says, clearly in the right. It wasn’t a fight! It wasn’t anything! Calm down, Teresa. This is not a thing.

The RV Trip continues to be a terrible idea as everyone wakes up groggy, hot, and uncomfortable, particularly the Gorga/Giudice RV, which had Juicy Joe turn the heat on at night. Joe Gorga turns the heat up in the morning by showing as many people his penis as possible. It’s just a big penis-fest.

At least the guys are getting along. The women are calculatedly avoiding one another. Melissa, Kathy, and Teresa seem to be getting along OK (with Teresa). Kathy feels good about it, but Teresa isn’t, even after the conversation they had. This whole recipe debacle is stupid.

Melissa advises Teresa to sit back and ask herself why she’s at the center of an argument with everyone, and Teresa takes offense to that. So now Melissa is on the list of people Teresa doesn’t get along with and can’t understand why. Teresa addresses the list person by person, and can’t figure out why they all have problems with her.

“Someone got in her head,” Teresa deduces about Jacqueline. She also blames people getting butthurt about the cookbook I guess? That’s kind of stupid. Melissa called it a breakthrough moment, because they managed not to yell or get upset. They agree, beneath their luxury snuggies, that maybe they could rekindle the relationship.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).