Kevin Lee is the wedding planner who just won’t go away. Why did they decide to hire him? And why did they go with those giant box invitations? Oh, they’re not as big and pink after Kevin Lee put them together. They were each $150, but what does it cost to mail? Do you just have your own butler deliver them by hand? Then Kevin Lee ordered some kind of exploding pink vodka sorbet because he loves it and this is really Kevin Lee’s wedding.

Adrienne is working on her shoe line. She wants to design a shoe that she loves but is “practical for everybody.” Practical like a 9 inch platform! Everybody can wear that every day! Practical like a diamond in the logo! Everyday women! Preposterous. Anyway, Adrienne is organizing a fashion show for a charity that benefits Women and Women.

*GASP* We’re actually getting to see some of the Armstrong tapes! (Taylor and Russell’s therapy sessions). Taylor tells the therapist that when Russell is good, he is very very good, and when he is bad, he is horrid. The sessions, at least what we get to see, are very vague, like all the other moments surrounding the late Russell Armstrong.

Even the therapist won’t talk about whether or not Russell gets physical when he “gets mean.” He discusses emotional safety, but what about physical safety? I just don’t know how good of a therapist this guy is, filling in Russell’s sentences to protect him and asking Taylor why she’s crying. Russell even cuts the therapy session short for work, just when the therapist was getting to Taylor’s immaturity.

Giggy lives/moves! And he gets a taste of the high end catering. The mention of cotton candy martinis brings up Taylor, and how Pandora doesn’t want the Real Housewives at her wedding because it’s always so much drama. It’s true, if someone can ruin a wedding and make it about themselves, it’s probably the Housewives. At least they know Kim won’t go (and therefor, will not accuse anyone of stealing her house).

Taylor organized for her, Kyle, and Brandi to get manicures together, but Taylor canceled last minute, so now the ladies have to make amends or it will ruin a good mani-pedi. Kyle says she’s over it, and that is good. Will she make an effort to “get” Brandi now? Probably not, especially because Brandi’s idea of a party is inviting a porn star over for BJ class. Please, Brandi, that is so Orange County. In lieu of BJ Class, Brandi will have everyone over for a “no bullsh*t” whatever party. Dinner? Cocktails? Regardless, there will be no bullsh*t!

Can you imagine working with Adrienne? She seems kind of difficult, but who am I to judge that? She’s the one making millions. I just know that, as a peon, I would not want to work under her. She wants this fashion show to be PERFECT. And so it shall be.

So is this fashion show showcasing Adrienne’s shoes that she designed? I thought she was just talking about design ideas for them … Anyway, Taylor has realized that everything is actually her fault.  Thanks, therapy! Taylor is nervous about seeing Camille, but it’s not like Camille is going to go off on her again! Not in front of Russell. So just calm the f*** down, Taylor. Russell mentions in the limo that Camille said things that “are blatantly false about you and I,” but why would she say those things if Taylor hadn’t told them to her? We are not getting the full story, and I don’t know that we ever will.

More importantly, why is this fashion show so dressy? The ladies are all wearing floor length gowns for it! In the limo, it “just dawned on” Kyle that this would be the first time Taylor saw Camille. She is stirring the pot! Brandi and her friends are NOT in black tie attire.

Lisa arrives at the party, and Adrienne immediately confronts her (mid-event!) about Pandora’s bachelorette party in Vegas. The deal is that the Planet Hollywood guy is an old family friend and offered the party, and Lisa didn’t want to ask to impose on Adrienne to have the party at the Palms. So Adrienne is all butthurt about it. I’d rather have the party at the Palms, but who would think to ask for such a thing? Then they bickered about whether or not Lisa asked to have her wine at the Palms.

Camille arrives, and is nervous about seeing Taylor. But Camille, you were such a badass at that tea party! You put that girl in her place. They run into each other outside of the bathroom and it’s sufficiently awkward.

“I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE IN THERE!” Taylor says apologetically. Camille excuses herself like a lady, and Taylor says, “we’ll talk later … not tonight.” Yikes!

Camille likes Brandi because she “tells it like it is.” She seems to collect friends like that (ahem, Alison DuBois the medium, ahem). Like the couple everybody wants to hang out with, Taylor and Russell tell their friend about their therapy sessions. HAHA THERAPY; WHAT A LAUGH.

Finally, it’s time for fashion. Adrienne raises a glass and it’s on with the Kevan Hall show featuring Adrienne Maloof shoes. Most of the dresses were long, though, and the shoes were a lot of the same design. What … where … that’s it? She hid them so the shoes wouldn’t overshadow Step Up, the foundation for Women Who Need Help.

The shoes are hot! They might have overshadowed things had you been able to see them. After the show, the women re-hash the non-drama of Taylor vs Camille and Lisa vs Adrienne. The Maloof Hoof vs the Vander-Pump. This episode was really the calm before the storm, because it looks like things are going absolutely insane at Brandi’s “no bullsh*t” party. And may RHOBH never give us a Kim-less episode again!

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).