NeNe! Kim! Phaedra! Sheree’s acting career! I’ve missed them all so much. We got a pretty good dose of NeNe on Celebrity Apprentice, but there’s nothing quite like the Real Housewives of Atlanta. So close your legs to married men, trashboxes! It’s time for Season 4 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Kim’s pregnant, NeNe’s separated, and Kandi has a new, long weave. That’s the long and the short of it. Kim and Kroy got a new, huge house together. Kim, Kroy, and Sweetie go to the storage unit to load up a moving truck full of all the rich people stuff Kim bought for her house with Big Papa. The house that never was.

Kroy is young (25!), eager, and strong, so he loads up all the stuff. I totally love Kroy, I actually think he and Kim are a good match. A match that I understand? Maybe not, but a good match nonetheless. Kim is offended that Kroy doesn’t have “Tardy for the Party” as his ringtone, or “The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing,” to which he responds, “I’m not going to put that sh*t on there.” Perfection.

NeNe is buying a car for her son with her new connections thanks to Mr. Donald Trump. I was under the impression that they didn’t leave on such good terms, but it looks like NeNe got what she wanted out of it and learned a thing or two. NeNe pays for the car in full upfront. She’s rich, bitch!

Lawrence! His music career is still going well, we discover as Sheree stops by. Lawrence gives her a preview of the lyrics and she FEELS it. Sheree is, in fact, over it, as the song describes. Sheree had some kind of event gig and felt betrayed by NeNe, who she brought along. She’s over it. Well, not quite, because she’s going to talk to NeNe about it later in the episode.

Cynthia is friends with Miss J from America’s Next Top Model?! Lucky! Cynthia wants to run her own modeling agency to make money. Money that Peter can spend. Atlanta doesn’t have a reputation for being a fashion city, but Cynthia will change all that. Oh, she doesn’t just want to start one, she has started it already! The Bailey Agency. And Miss Jay is going to help. Hell yes.

Speaking of new businesses, Phaedra is starting a funeral home. Could there be anything more strange and wonderful? Phaedra’s great aunt passed away, so she’s going to a funeral home. Nothing like experiencing something and seeing how much money they make to make you want to do it better yourself.

I mean, look at all the different things a coffin can go in! What the what! Are funerals supposed to be fabulous and sort of fun? I guess everybody knows that. It turns out that Phaedra loves funerals.

Miss Jay and Cynthia go to check out the raw talent at the unopened Bailey Agency. LOOK at these girls! It’s giving me the glow that this cycle of Top Model has been devoid of. Bleh, All Stars.

Kandi, Sheree, and Phaedra are shopping for sex toys. Delightful! Scarring, even! They love sex, especially Kandi, who is starting her own line of “adult” toys called Bedroom Kandi. She’s right, the adult business makes a ton of money. The salesperson at the toy store was a bit creepy, though. That big pillow that allows you to just lay there seemed nice. People are getting along with Phaedra now. Probably because she’s not pregnant/difficult anymore.

Kim’s third trimester has given her even more reason to loudly call for Sweetie from her bed. Look at that cute little animal! What is it?! It’s so cute! They call Kroy from the bed to tell him they miss him. It was sweet. The animal is a dog and its named Chanel, of course.

Phaedra’s great aunt’s funeral was pretty spectacular. Seeing a funeral like that would make me feel better about my own death and subsequent extravagance. Phaedra has decided it is something she “could really love.” Full steam ahead, girl, I support this.

NeNe and Sheree sit down for a “grown lady conversation” to discuss this little “miscommunication” they had as adults. But NeNe comes on defensive and says Sheree needs to explain herself. Sheree accuses NeNe of shadily scraping money off the top of the event with someone named Tyrone. Sheree says something about how “black women need to support each other,” which ruffles NeNe’s feathers in a way on Star Jones could in the past.

NeNe questions Tyrone’s credibility and Sheree calls him. Get Tyrone on the phone! Then, simultaneously, NeNe calls her former assistant, Diana. What a mess of bejeweled blackberrys. NeNe tells Sheree (using an outdoor voice) that while Sheree was making a mess of this she was going to the bank depositing a check, a “TRUMP CHECK. DONALD TRUMP.” But NeNe didn’t win that season, and was playing for charity so …

Sheree laughs this off, but NeNe had already gone off the deep end. She gets up, tells Sheree that she’s rich, very rich, bitch, and Sheree says NeNe has rotting teeth. NeNe tells Sheree not to be jealous of her veneers, then walks out. Sheree runs after her. No one paid the tab, but it didn’t seem like they were there for long enough to have drinks.

NeNe goes to Cynthia’s house, upset. Cynthia consoles NeNe with the Housewives’ favorite buzzword: jealousy! NeNe cries. She’s hurt that Sheree believed this Tyrone character. She reaffirms her resolve to continue chasing her dreams and never give up, also not to stab anyone in the back, but in the chest. Bloop!

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).