Then: Sam wasn’t too keen on the way the Winchesters were raised, but Dean loved his dad and promised to always take care of his little brother.
Now: It’s high school, and popular kids are gossiping about a Slutty Cheerleader doing the reverse cowgirl over the weekend with some random dude. The Slutty Cheerleader feels bad, so to cheer herself up, she calls another girl a Fat Pig. Later in the girl’s bathroom, the Fat Pig slams the Slutty Cheerleader’s head into the mirror before drowning her in the toilet. Then some black goo pours out of the Fat Pig’s nose.
Later, the Fat Pig is in a mental institution where Sam (Jared Padalecki) asks her about being possessed. He believes her, so the boys head to her high school, which used to be their high school. The boys pull up to the school and flash back to 1997 on their first day at Truman High.
Young Sam hates constantly switching to new schools. He’s nervous and awkward but befriends a nerd named Barry. A fat bully named Dirk teases Barry, but Sam tells him to stop before giving him the evil eye.
Meanwhile, Young Dean has better luck, slacking off and flirting with chicks, making out with one in the janitor’s closet the same day.
Back in the present, Sam is undercover as a janitor while Dean (Jensen Ackles) is the substitute gym teacher. Dean lets the kids play dodgeball, throwing balls at the kids and taunting them. He’s wearing red shorts and a head band.
In home ec class, a jock taunts a nerd, so the nerd takes the jock’s hand and puts it into a food processor, turning it into a stump. That was awesomely gross. Sam arrives to see a weird black goo pour out of the nerd’s ears, the same goo we saw come out of Fat Pig’s nose.
Sam concludes that they’re dealing with ghost possession. Dean does research in the principal’s office, finding out that the only dead kid was Young Sam’s nerdy friend Barry, who killed himself in the girl’s bathroom the year after the Winchesters left. Dean also finds out that three of the school’s cheerleaders are legal, which is quite gross. Dean seriously needs to check into rehab for sex addiction.
Back in the past, Young Sam feels bad for the way bullies pick on Barry. They run into Fat Dirk, who wants to fight, so he punches Young Sam in the face. When Young Dean finds out, he wants to kick Fat Dirk’s butt, or at the very least, wants Young Sam to fight back.
Young Sam wants to be normal, which doesn’t explain why he wrote a non-fiction essay about killing a werewolf. The teacher still gives him an A because his essay is very well-written, but Young Sam doesn’t think he can be a writer because he has to join the family business.
In the present, the Winchesters burn Barry’s bones to stop the ghost. Sam still feels bad he wasn’t around to stop his former friend from killing himself. Sam heads back to school only to find an Asian girl who is possessed and calls Sam by name before stabbing him and kicking him in the balls. Sam quickly casts the ghost out of her body.
Dean helps Sam recuperate and does some research to find out the three possessed people rode on the same bus. Dean calls them “Martha Dumptruck, Revenge of the Nerds and Hello Kitty,” which is genius, especially because it includes a Heathers reference.
They visit the bus driver and find out he’s Fat Dirk’s dad. Another flashback shows Young Sam fighting back, beating the crap out of Fat Dirk and calling him “Dirk the Jerk.” Somehow everyone else thinks that name is funny, and in the present, we find out Dirk the Jerk died at 18 because he overdosed on drugs because he felt isolated. Sam also feels bad because he learns that when Dirk picked on him, it’s because Dirk’s mother was dying from cancer.
Dirk’s dad reveals he cremated his son, except for a lock of hair he keeps in his Bible on the bus. Sam and Dean track it down and capture the possessed driver, but when they shoot him with salt, the ghost jumps into a fat jock on the bus. Fat Jock comes down and punches the hell out of Sam while Dean scrambles to find and burn the lock of hair. He ultimately does, and the Fat Jock collapses on Sam in what Dean recognizes as the full cowgirl.
In the final flashback, Young Sam is everyone’s hero while Young Dean gets caught cheating on his girl with another girl. Young Sam is ironically sad when their dad picks them up in the Impala, but Young Dean couldn’t be happier to leave.
In the present, Sam visits the English teacher who encouraged him to be a writer and thanks him. The teacher says all that matters is if Sam is happy, and the episode ends while Sam considers that question.
Next week on Supernatural: Strippers! By which I mean evil female demons who use sex to get men to do their bidding.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer