On last week’s season 9 premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, it was all about the men. Of the 13 dancers featured, only two were female. Luckily Los Angeles is different because this time there are five women, and all of them move on to Vegas. It’s weird that we haven’t seen a single rejected female dancer yet.

Even though the women shine, the weird and wild men steal the show. There’s a wacker, obnoxious twins, a martial artist, a horrible moustache, a future stripper and a man who was in a coma six weeks ago. Two of them make it to Vegas, and miraculously, the man in a coma is one of them.

Even on the beach in sunny L.A., Cat Deeley rocks a stylish jacket and scarf to welcome us to the West Coast auditions. My fanboy love for Cat Deeley is heating up this week, and it grows even stronger when she introduces guest judge Jesse Tyler Ferguson, star of Modern Family, as “an all-around great guy.” I know he’s openly gay, but I want Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Cat Deeley to get married, have lots of babies and get their own reality show on E! so I can watch them all the time.

Which Women Are Going to Vegas?

Alexa Anderson: She’s a fierce and flexible contemporary dancer who made it to the Green Mile last season, so obviously she’s talented enough to move on to Vegas.

Eliana Girard: This girl has attended Joffrey and Alvin Ailey, and she’s worked for Cirque du Soleil as a pole aerialist. In other words, her body can do absolutely anything. On top of that, she’s a great performer and earns a well-deserved standing ovation. Mary Murphy nearly ensures her a spot in the Top 20, and I’ll go one step further by ensuring her a spot in the finale.

Sam Lenarz: Six months ago her mom kicked her out of the house and apparently disowned her. I’m sure there’s more to that story, but all we learn is that her best friend’s family took her in and essentially adopted an 18-year-old daughter. She’s one of those extremely talented pretty little blonde girls whose talent is raw and pure, but a tad untrained. The judges give her a big “Don’t let anyone, not even your hater family, tell you not to pursue your dream because you’re amazing” speech.

Megan Branch: Unlike Sam, Megan is an 18-year-old whose mother totally supports her. She auditions to a Bjork song, and Bjorkish is the best adjective to describe her dance style. It’s weird but great, and if she makes it far enough, I suspect she’ll work wonderfully with Sonya Tayeh.

Jasmine Mason: Six weeks ago she and her brother were in a car accident that left him in a coma for two days. Yet here she is, perfectly fine, and her dancing is insanely mature and hot for an 18-year-old girl. She’s far more talented than most girls her age.

Which Men Are Going to Vegas?

Marshea Kidd: Jasmine’s brother, six weeks ago they were in a car accident where he was pronounced dead, then was in a coma for two days, then he woke up with a broken neck. He should not be able to walk at this point, let alone dance, but he does it beautifully. Instead of offering judgment, Mary Murphy simply holds up a ticket to Vegas. I need to say this again: HE WAS IN A COMA SIX WEEKS AGO!

Cole Horibe: He combines martial arts with dance and it’s beautiful and intense. My immediate reaction is that I want Nappy Tabs to choreograph something for him, because that would be amazing. He’s also done jazz, ballroom, contemporary, hip-hop, ballet and other dance styles, so he’s basically guaranteed a spot in the Top 20.

Stephen Jacobsen: This tall, goofy-looking ballet dancer shows up with an open shirt, and while he’s certainly in good shape, he’s hardly Daniel Baker-level hot. He choreographs some weird modern ballet hybrid that’s pretty terrible and Nigel Lythgoe absolutely hates it. He then forces Stephen to dance for real, and he’s insanely talented and strong. So he’s just a terrible choreographer. He also smiles way too much and he kind of reminds me of Dez from Disney Channel’s Austin and Aly, which is officially the most obscure reference I’ve ever made.

Who’s NOT Going to Vegas?

Jontel “Johnny Wacks” Gibson: This wacker is dressed like an extra from Soul Train, and Cat Deeley is super-duper in love with his style. So are the judges, who act like a bunch of children, giggling every time they ask “How long have you been wacking?” When he talks about how he does it when he’s alone, they lose it. He’s good, but this is one of those styles where it’s impossible to tell if he can do anything else, so he’s sent to choreography (which he bombs). Jesse Tyler Ferguson calls him a Russian nesting doll version of Lenny Kravitz, which is the absolute perfect description.

Nick and James Aragon (The Ninja Twins): I’m sorry I have to write about these two, and even sorrier this show put them on TV. They’re 32, and therefore ineligible to even compete, so the NINE WHOLE MINUTES that are devoted to them are totally pointless. They’re a pair of insanely fay twin brothers and the judges eat up their act (which is basically In Living Color‘s “Men on Film” expanded into everyday life) with a spoon. However, I’m already bored of them long before they hit the stage. They’re basically America’s answer to Jedward, and if you don’t know what that is, consider yourself lucky.

Caley Carr: This dude is a 25-year-old surfing, bartending tap dancer with a crazy, Snidely Whiplash moustache who has ADHD and auditions to Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know.” Absolutely none of that makes any sense, yet it all works together magically. Except for the moustache, which is absolutely awful and distracts me the entire time. I have this overwhelming urge to reach my hand through the TV and shave off his moustache. Seriously, it’s that bad. Luckily for me (but not for fans of weird moustaches) he fails the choreography.

sytycds9e2-moustache.jpgDavid Matz: This circus performer dances with a Cyr Wheel, some crazy giant wheel contraption that he controls. It’s hypnotic and beautiful, but he can’t actually dance and fails in the choreography round. He should really be on America’s Got Talent instead of So You Think You Can Dance, because then he definitely would’ve made it to the next round.

Jonathan Anzalone: I remember this Italian stallion from his season 4 audition, where he was a supremely douchey sexpot. Now he’s shaved his head and does some b-boy moves. It’s not very good, but as Jesse correctly points out, he’ll probably end up in Vegas anyway in a Magic Mike-inspired revue. He goes on to choreography, but then fails.

So after two weeks and four hours of auditions we’ve seen 10 guys and 7 girls make it to Vegas, including three ballet dances. And by my count we’ve also seen the two winners, those being Shafeek from last week and Eliana from this week.

Next week on So You Think You Can Dance: We head to Atlanta where Nigel threatens to stab someone. He seriously needs to take a chill pill. Maybe he should grow an awful moustache and starting surfing. Also next week, your regular SYTYCD recapper, Laurel Brown, will be back to take over for the rest of the summer.

(Image courtesy of FOX)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.