For every Las Vegas episode and shoe fashion show, there is a Malibu party from Hell and a lawsuit from Russell. Well, Camille’s number has come up, and now Russell is claiming that Camille made “false and slanderous remarks” that could hurt his business. Taylor told everyone about what Russell was doing, and then told Russell what Camille said.
Adrienne and Paul are the ones relaying this information back and forth, and all this is happening right before Kyle’s White Party. Now people don’t want to go because they feel weird around Taylor and Russell. And what about Hawaii? Oh my god, Hawaii! Russell is ruining everything. Friends don’t let friends threaten to sue friends.
And now, a moment of levity! Kevin Lee brought a wedding band for the Vanderpumps to preview. The band sings in Spanish, and R&B sort of style that makes Lisa cry. “This could be your song,” she suggests to Pandora and Jason, who aren’t just about to pick some song the first time they hear it, right? Well, they’re sold on the band. Another win for Kevin Lee.
Kyle, like all the Housewives, is wearing a NO H8 shirt. The rentals and flowers and god knows what else have arrived. Kyle is stressed, but Glenn’s got it covered. “You always have the best parties,” Kyle’s hairstylist/fluffer says. Kim is bringing Ken, which makes Kyle nervous. Ken is basically dead to her because she doesn’t think it will last, and has only met him twice.
Kyle insists that everyone “be a big girl” and “just deal with it” for the sake of her White Party. But then she learns that Camille got the threatening letter from Russell. Wuh oh! It’s a confusing situation, and an even more confusing potential lawsuit. Now all the Housewives are scared of getting letters. Adrienne says she and Paul will leave “if it gets too strange.” You can’t do this to Kyle’s White Party!!
Finally we’re getting some Kim on this show! Kimberly, Kim’s daughter, is starting early to take after her mother. She took two NyQuil and fell asleep in the shower. BUT, more importantly, Kim is wearing an engagement ring on her engagement ring finger. She says it’s a promise ring, but if it wears like an engagement ring and sparkles like an engagement ring, it’s not a promise ring. The White Party will be the first time everybody meets Ken, which Kim seems excited about but wait, don’t we all hate Ken now? She just had a breakdown about this! Whatever, I’m excited for Ken to attend all these things. Including/especially Hawaii.
Glenn made the White Party happen, just in time for everyone to show up in their white clothes. Poor D.D. had to wear white. It’s not her best color. Look at Camille’s amazing coat! Camille doesn’t want to discuss the threatening letter Russell sent her, at least not at the party. Camille has manners and tact. Lisa showed up in her white prom dress, and Kyle immediately asks her for her opinion on the Camille v Russell problem. Lisa has also been threatened by Russell, so she’ll know what to do!
Taylor isn’t responding to calls/texts/email, so Kyle will have to wait until Taylor arrives to un-invite Taylor. Go somewhere else in your all-white clothes! After the millionth person showed up in a white gown, I decided that a white party is a bad idea.
Kyle and Lisa get into a spat, because Lisa feels bad that Taylor made an effort to go to Pandora’s bachelorette party, but Kyle insists she feels WORSE because it’s HER party, Lisa’s feelings don’t matter, and she’s known Taylor even better even longer. Kyle is the only thing that matters, Lisa! Kyle should be the one contacting Taylor to save her the embarrassment of being turned away from a party she was once invited to. But no one can contact Taylor. It’s a CODE WHITE.
Maybe Taylor doesn’t know? Maybe we can’t totally blame her just yet? Who cares when there are all these hilarious and distracting randos at the party getting in Kyle’s shot! And Kim’s boobs! Kim is being socially awkward and childish as usual. But let us not gloss over Kim’s outfit. Pearl choker(s), gold pants, high ponytail? Shut UP!
Then Dana showed up to show Kim some pictures of her and Brandi. Dana is so forgiving, Kim not so much. “HAHAHA LOOKIT US!” Dana guffaws. The very mention of Brandi puts Kim in a bad mood. She wore all her favorite necklaces tonight and she is not to be messed with. Not that that was even Brandi’s intention, but whatever.
Kim swears to avoid Brandi, then heads straight for her, leading with her finger. She charges at Brandi, full of piss and vinegar. She will NOT put that finger away. Poor Brandi, because Kim isn’t even making sense, and then she mimicked her. Oh, bitch, mimicking is the worst! Oh man, Kim is being SO mean and awful, flipping that ponytail all over the place. Kim tells Ken that Brandi is horrible, then walks away.
“Tonight’s gonna be fun!” Taylor says woodenly, as she and Russell get into the limo. They make all these plans, or rather, rehearse lines from a script? Of a Lifetime Original Movie? But you, Taylor and Russell, you’re uninvited. Kyle is so stressed out about it she is crying. I’d be crying too if I threw such a terrible, overwrought party.
“We need to have some fun, let’s keep it going,” Russell says. “Now that we’ve forgiven each other!” Taylor tacks on, with forced gaiety. They get out of the limo, ready to have a great time and drink a whole bottle of vodka. Kyle (et. all) meets them at the door, and says, “we have a problem” before breaking into tears.
Russell claims the e-mail he sent Camille was kind, but Paul says he read it and it was not kind. It looks like Taylor doesn’t know about this, so she may be left alone with the cake, standing in the rain, like LAST White Party. Don’t worry, though, Kyle managed to make it about her and her party being ruined.
Russell looks like an absolute sociopath as this conversation is happening. Mauricio lays it out: “nobody wants to get sued.” So … GTFO. And GTFO they did. But not before making Kyle feel bad for how they flew all the way back from Vegas to get in these wedding clothes and go to this stupid party.
Kyle rushed into the limo in pursuit of Taylor. Everyone else crowded around the limo door. Wouldn’t you? So then they argued for a while over whether or not what Camille said was an exaggeration. Russell, no surprise, claims it was.
“Just let us go,” Russell insists. And Kyle fled the limo dramatically. Does Camille even know about this entirely? Next week, the White Party continues! And Hawaii happens with Brandi and without Taylor.
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(images courtesy of Bravo)