Countdown to Kim and Kandi’s promo tour! They’ll be able to pull it off easily, especially with Kim’s work ethic. Oh, sorry, I hallucinated. Kim is focused on all the wrong things, like having a bedazzled microphone. Kandi tries to give her feedback but Kim decides it’s probably just because she’s not dressed in concert attire. Her boobs are too secure.

Sheree walks into a furniture store to buy her daughter, Tierra a sofa, but I have a feeling they’ll leave with a lot more. Tierra can’t help that she has expensive taste and is used to the finer things in life! As a surprise, Sheree is going to decorate Tierra’s entire apartment. “If she doesn’t like it … oh well!”

At “Fernbank” (the Atlanta science museum where Cynthia is having her wedding), Cynthia tells NeNe that she will be exchanging vows underneath a dinosaur skeleton’s belly. Cynthia wanted it to be non-traditional and I absolutely love it. NeNe is not sold, but I think it’s awesome. NeNe confirms that Cynthia’s friendship contract was a joke, and tells Cynthia that she thought it was crazy and told Kim. Yeah, Cynthia, you should be pissed about that. I like Cynthia, I feel like I get her. Things resolve quickly and easily … for now.

Kandi invites Phaedra to a fated spa day, then returns to her work in the studio. Then we get a little preview of Kandi’s new album and her song, “I Haven’t Loved Right.” Understatement: she sounds better than Kim raw.

It’s up to NeNe to get a big celebrity interview for her new job, but all her celebrities are out of town. What? They’re not hanging out in Atlanta? Okay this might be really mean and strange but NeNe’s son’s friend, Jack looks a lot like Tracy. It looks like NeNe may be able to set something up with Jermaine Dupri.

Phaedra is finally interacting with the other Housewives! Kandi goes to visit Phaedra and, of course, the full-term pregnancy issue comes up again. At least Kandi is around to defend Cynthia, and to confirm that no one said the baby was an alien, but if they did it might have been Kim. While breastfeeding her baby, Phaedra tells Kandi that she’s ready to go toe-to-toe with Kim. To be fair, you probably shouldn’t talk smack about someone else’s baby. But you also shouldn’t be a crazy liar.

Kim is preparing for her tour with Kandi. She’s ready to have an outfit where her boobs won’t fall out. Cover them with zippers and feathers! Meanwhile, Sheree preps Tierra’s apartment. I wonder if it’s to Tierra’s taste … Sheree feels confident Tierra will love it, “it’s in her DNA to have great taste.”

Cynthia, while planning her wedding, has been requested for a show at Miami Swim Week. NeNe booked an interview with Jermaine Dupri. She’s movin’ on up. Boop!

The girls are having a spa day and it’s the first time we’re seeing Kim and Phaedra together in the same room (I think, or the first time they can talk). Kim’s in trouble. She’s called Cynthia and Phaedra crazy. Tidbit: she’s dating Kroy as of this episode. The girls decide to have a party in Miami to see Kim and Kandi perform and throw Cynthia a bachelorette party. Tidbit: Phaedra knows a man who can “give himself head.” Gross!

Then Kim brings up the friendship contract. Cynthia says, “you women can not seriously still be talking about this.” My thoughts exactly. This is when the spa day went south. At least Cynthia is sticking up for herself. It was a joke! Cheers to that, water under the bridge.

Next fight: Phaedra vs. Kim. Phaedra is in far too deep to admit that she lied about her baby, but she’s not afraid to attack Kim about her life choices. So, of course, Kim brings up that Apollo is a convict. Phaedra denounces it as some “bullsh*t 1950’s drama.” Is it!? A nice, relaxing day at the spa.

Well, it continues next week, in a confrontation that is very reminiscent of Sheree vs. “The Love Doctor” (“show me your paperwork!”)

(image courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).