As you can see, as the show goes on and the monsters are given the time they need to really spread their (scaly, spiky) wings and lay their eggs of evil in the Bachelor Pad, our map of their dalliances and disagreements gets more complex and elaborate.
…Complexly FUN and elaborately AWESOME, that is!
As you can also see, a few new additions have been made to this week’s map to reflect new PADevelopments: Suitcases indicate contestants who were intelligent enough to opt out of the mental abuse cycle before reaching insanity; roses indicate those who won roses, whether by winning a competition or seducing a competition winner on a date; and our most exciting addition is the brand new “D-Bag of the Week!” award, which goes to the … well, it goes to the person (male or female, d-baggery doesn’t discriminate!) who went above and beyond the call of douchiness this week. Extra points are awarded for creativity, surprise and the use of sexual manipulation in the awarding of this high honor.
Watching this week’s episode and reading this week’s recap before viewing this map is recommended by 4 of 5 medical professionals. (Dr. Blake is probably the one dissenter, but don’t listen to him. He’s a Douchie Howser, MD. OOPS! Now I’m giving things away…)
YOUR VISUAL GUIDE TO THIS WEEK’S PAD DRAMA:
DISCLAIMER: This map is just for fun and is not intended to lead you anywhere, unless you’d like to travel to Torture Town, Jackassville or Whore Island.
Check back next week for the updated Drama Map. Until then: Did you see all the ca-Razy stuff that Rated R said last week? Man, that guy. Part of me is like: Don’t give him attention. But this other part of me is like: HAHAHA, look at that giant Boston Market roasted chicken, it’s wearing an unbuttoned shirt and talking nonsense again!
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(Cast images courtesy of ABC)
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Meghan hails from Walla Walla, WA, the proud home of the world’s best sweet onions and Adam West, the original Batman. An avid grammarian and over-analyzer, you can usually find her thinking too hard about plot devices in favorites like The Office, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and How I Met Your Mother. In her spare time, Meghan enjoys drawing, shopping, trying to be funny (and often failing), and not understanding the whole Twilight thing. She’s got a BA in English and Studio Art from Whitman College, which makes her a professional arguer, daydreamer, and doodler.