Wanna Gleek out on Halloween, but need a little help taking your costume to the next level? Here’s what to wear, say and do to make your Glee costume so accurate, it’s spooky.
Essentials: A conservative, girly combination of plaids, tweeds, polka dots and knee socks. Think Catholic school girl (but … Jewish) meets Japanese business man’s fetish/To Catch a Predator bait-girl.
Props: A packet of gold star stickers … that you bestow more often on yourself than on others. A cordless mic for any spontaneous solos. And a killer voice, if you have it.
Catch Phrases: “I’m like Tinkerbell. I need applause to live.” Try to work the words “talent,” “fame,” and “Broadway” into every sanctimonious speech you give. (Give lots of sanctimonious speeches.)
Extra Credit: Carry around an umbrella and sing “Rain on My Parade” on cue.
Essentials: Be (or magically become) tall, dark and adorable. Wear a red Letterman’s jacket over a basic tee and jeans. Speak slowly, fail to comprehend what others are saying, and have a glazed-over look in your eyes like you spent the last 10 hours at Burning Man.
Props: A football and/or Grilled Cheesus.
Catch Phrases: Add gender roles to every noun and action. Example: “I like to do guy things like play football. I want to touch your girl boobs.” Also misuse any words longer than three syllables.
Extra Credit: Terrible dance moves and a portable auto-tuner.
Essential: A goth/punk/emo-inspired ensemble. The more black, mesh and grommets, the better. Bright makeup and long, black hair with colored streaks.
Props: Eyeliner (for touchups); A shirtless Mike Chang, if you can get your hands on one. (Then please tell us where you found him so we can grab one, too!)
Catchphrases: Tina’s vampire speech is her real tour de force. Learn it: “So here’s what’s gonna happen! My dad, He’s the king of the vampires, and Asian vampires are the most vicious of them all. You’re gonna let me wear my lady demon clothes, or else he’ll fly into your bedroom and bite your face off! He’s really pissed! Is that what you want?”
Extra Credit: Alternate between having a stutter and not having a stutter.
Essential: Glasses; gloves; wheelchair; adorable Cosby sweatervest.
Props: Really just the chair.
Catchphrases: Artie is the master of the unexpected, sassy aside. Examples: “Preach!”; “”Bouncy, bouncy, bounce.” A recent favorite: “I was playing a marathon round of Halo, woman!”
Extra Credit: Spontaneously jump out of your chair and do “The Safety Dance.”
Essentials: Think fun, bold and bright. (Just like Mercedes!) Even when you’re not belting out glory notes, make your voice heard in a cute graphic tee (“I <3 NY” seems appropriate this year), colored jeans and bright sneakers.
Props: Your BFF Kurt (see next slide).
Catch Phrases: “Oh, HELL to the no! Look, I’m not down with this background singing nonsense. I’m Beyonce, I ain’t no Kelly Rowland.” Also any mention of your fabulousness causing a “sex riot.”
Extra Credit: Have any gay friends? Develop a massive crush on them for half a minute. And if you can, whatever you’re about to say: Sing it instead. Loud.
Essentials: Best known for his tailored, fashion forward jackets, Kurt’s closet is like a couture rainbow, so any ensemble is on the table, as long as it’s expensive and coordinated. Whatever look you go with, commit to its perfection, all the way down to the gold buttons on your vintage lederhosen.
Props: Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. Fabulous hats encouraged.
Catch Phrases: Sharpen your wit, tongue and knowledge of working fashion designers. Advise friends on diets, skin care regimens and other flaws, but do so in a “tough love,” informative sort of way. Some Kurt notable quotes to pull out: “I’m full of ennui.”; “Mercedes is black, I’m gay: We make culture.”; “Fashion has no gender.”; “Makeovers are like crack to me.”
Extra Credit: Every hair in its place at all times. No matter the circumstances, Kurt wouldn’t be caught dead with a messy mane.
Essential: A red cheerleader’s outfit, a high ponytail and a perpetual look of superiority.
Props: Pamphlets from the Celibacy Club; A pregnant belly. (Irony!)
Catch Phrases: “Would you please stop talking? You’re grossing out my baby.”; “I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I felt fat that day. But it was a mistake.”
Extra Credit: A box of Cheerios for literal wordplay and those sneaking pregnancy cravings.
Noah “Puck” Puckerman
Essential: Mohawk; manly good looks; muscles (preferably in a muscle tee); an insatiable, irresistible and often inappropriate appetite for the ladies.
Props: A football; Pool cleaning equipment from your after-school job; Star of David necklace (but nothing too girly).
Catchphrases: “I’m a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die.”; “I don’t dig on fat chicks.”; “Wanna make out?” (Sense a theme?)
Extra Credit: Carry around a bottle of Jack Daniels dressed as a baby, and call it “Jackie Daniels.”
Brittany S. Pierce
Essential: A red cheerleader’s outfit, a high ponytail and a perpetual blank stare.
Props: A miniature doll that looks exactly like you, on which you can point out where the Bieste inappropriately touched you. Also: Santana.
Catchphrases: There are really too many to list (study up!) but here are some most everyone should recognize: “I’m pretty sure my cat’s been reading my diary.”; “Are you a cat?”; “Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks?” And the always applicable (especially on Halloween): “You look terrible. I look awesome.”
Extra Credit: If you can make out with more than two people at the party, you’ll have done Brittany proud.
Essentials: A jeweled tone sweater set and skirt–the more flowers, bows and buttons, the better; a perfectly curled, bouncy “ginger mane” that any orangutan would envy. The devil is in the OCDetails for Emma, so make sure everything, from your tweed skirt down to your bejeweled brooch, is clean, straight and all-around impeccable.
Props: Hand sanitizer, self-help pamphlets, doe eyes and a propensity for nervous talk and jittery hands.
Catch Phrases: “I haven’t been intimate in a very very long time … ever.”; “Lindsay Lohan looks like something out of Lord of the Rings.”; “You’re a slut, Will. You’re a slut, you’re a slut. Everyone should know that.”
Extra Credit: Your own, personal Hot Dr. Carl on your arm.
Essentials: A tracksuit of any color, as long as it matches. A short blond haircut or wig. A constant expression of disappointment and latent evil.
Props: A megaphone, a stop watch, and a willingness to openly mock everyone you encounter. If you’re under six foot: Invest in some lifts.
Catch Phrases: Sue’s got so many memorable zingers that it’s too hard to choose just one. Bone up on all her standbys, especially when it comes to mocking people’s hair. Starting any sentence with “You think that’s hard?” is a go-to, and “Time to feed my gimp!” is an instant classic. Also: “I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.”
Extra Credit: The more lengthy and inaccurate history lessons you give, the better.
Essentials: A vest is a must. Remember, Mr. Schue has more vests than the cast of Blossom. Copious amount of hair gel: You want it to look like a brier patch or a place where little birds lay sulfurous eggs. Skinny tie; dark washed jeans; and an earnest yet misguided desire to relive your glory days.
Props: Handouts for assignments, old high school yearbooks of when you were cool, and a microphone for impromptu musical numbers.
Catch phrases: When the music at your party kicks in, make sure to shout out, “This is my jam!” Start any sentence with “For this week’s assignment…” and then fill in the blank with a musical genre that conveniently fits your narrative. Pepper your conversations with platitudes like “follow your dreams,” “sing from your heart,” and “our time is now.” Artsy types eat that stuff up.
Extra credit: If you really want to scare ‘em this Halloween, just start rapping or “bust a move,” whichever feels creepier for the moment. Don’t forget to include the white man’s overbite when dancing.