This episode decided to gut my heart and drown my lungs in a miserable cloud of New England/Southern rain.

First, I officially hate myself since I watched Gossip Girl, even though I know it would torture me. It did. Then, I began Hart of Dixie and knew that this episode was doomed based on the initial act. Thirdly, as I almost finished draft numero uno on my computer, it decides to randomly shut down and not save anything. So, I’m pretty emotionally spent in addition to having an illness that resembles the plague.

The reason I thought it necessary to explain my bad day is because Hart of Dixie is escapism from bad days likes these. I can watch it and feel happy. And I did for most of the episode, with the exceptions of the beginning and the end. Because that’s when this show decided to gut me like some Bluebell fish.

Marriage Madness

We start with a dream with our dear boy George, bright and happy and too shiny. He’s happy as he marries Lemon … and Zoe … and Lavon. Please god, let this be a nightmare, because then this show has entered another Southern taboo known as polygamy. Thankfully, this is a nightmare. I should have seen it then that there was no good end.

George then awakes on his wedding day to find that every conceivable thing has gone wrong. But he doesn’t know that yet. He begins setting everything up for Lemon’s wedding under the stars when he runs into Zoe. Awkward. George didn’t know that Zoe was staying in town (which makes me appreciate that the show used the I’m-leaving card last week). Regardless, George continues on.

Until Tom says that his knee is tingling. Excuse me? I don’t speak Southern nerd, even if I do love Tom. Lavon translates (Cause we all know he’s a secret nerd) that Tom’s tingling knee and other omens bring an impending doom: a storm. Lavon removes George and Lemon’s registration permit to save the wedding even if George sees it as sabotage. Because of this, the wedding can still happen, albeit inside.

Woe Show

Zoe tries to rectify her strained and broken friendship with Wade, who still hates her for one reason or another. I believe this time he specified because she lost him money that otherwise would have been used to open a bar. Zoe, in her Zoeness, blows out the power with her new coffee maker because remember in the beginning of the season when that happened a lot? Good times.

Later, Zoe picks up Wade to save him from the storm. However, a storm in the South is way different from a storm in the North. We get it, show: Bluebell is not New York. Naturally, Zoe and Wade run into a barn where there are goats.

Of course, put these two in a room for any period of time and the two will fight. Zoe calls out Wade for having feelings and then admits that she denies her own feelings for him, causing Wade to stomp his heels and storm out into the storm.

He returns later, of course, claiming that any feelings for Zoe are misguided sexual frustrations; she was the first girl who said no to Wade, that wouldn’t sleep with him. I am not surprised by this, honestly; I’ve seen Wade half naked on this show. While the sexual tension heats up, the two ignore it to go help a baby goat. Aww.

Out in the “storm” (good job, crew!), the baby goat’s neck is caught in a barbed wire. Guys, I got so nervous here. I know that there are, like, animal safety laws and such, but I felts so nervous for the little guy/girl. My nervousness subsides when Wade takes off his shirt to help save the goat, though. Good times.

After saving the little goat and getting soaked, the two enter the barn to play doctor! Not that dirty, but still sexually charged! Wade mends Zoe’s back wound, thereby playing out the injured solider routine that many lovers fall into. Before any physical action can happen, they are rescued by local law enforcement, who drop them off at their house.

At the house and in the car, the two sweetly exchange some powerful looks before retreating to get ready for the wedding. But the two cannot control themselves and give in to some wild and, from the looks of it, hot loving.

The Rest is Mess

George, Lavon and the whole town practically are trying to scramble what’s left of a wedding into the old, crumbling firehouse. It isn’t bad, except the roof is caving, the cake is gone, the band hasn’t shown up, George’s best man is gone, the flowers are ruined and need I say more?

Yet there’s something nice about the whole town coming together for two people who are both beloved and kind of despicable. Luckily, Lavon and George seem to patch some things up by banding together to give Lemon her dream wedding. But it isn’t enough for Boy George.

George is kind of devastated that Zoe isn’t leaving, but staying. Odd, no? But he explains it in the final minutes of the finale to Lemon, looking gorgeous and conservative in her wedding gown. They try to make it work and it doesn’t. He leaves for New York and that really strains them. Lemon takes up with Lavon and George takes up with Zoe. And they fall in love with other people, enough to damage their current relationship. George calls off the wedding he had been so desperate to keep alive.

So Lemon, in justified rage, punches George. And George sees to it to march on over to Zoe’s house.

Zoe, still in bed and glowy with Wade, is kind of blind sighted that George technically chose Zoe. This is the part that gets unreal again. Zoe’s left with the decision between Wade and George and it will kill me no matter what she chooses. Wade, George, or she’ll pull a Kelly Taylor and choose Zoe.

This finale kind of gutted me. Maybe it’s because I only really remember the lasting impression instead most of the happy and enjoyable episode. Maybe it’s because I felt for Lemon because she’s wanted this forever, and right as it happens the universe decides it’s time to enact a season’s worth of karma on Lemon. Maybe it’s because there is no win-win situation for what Zoe chooses to do here.

Regardless, I’m gutted now, but just beyond relieved that there will be another season. I think I might have collapsed had it been the series finale. See you guys next season, Hart of Dixie fans.

Emily E. Steck
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of The CW)

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Emily E. Steck

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV