Grey’s Anatomy begins tonight at the frat house. Izzie (Katherine Heigl) interrupts Derek (Patrick Dempsey) in his bedroom, where he is inappropriately naked, save for a pillow covering his privates. He’s waiting for Meredith to come home. Izzie asks Derek to ask Alex for 20 bucks for the pizza she just ordered because Alex (Justin Chambers) isn’t talking to her.
Meredith is helping Cristina (Sandra Oh) and Callie (Sara Ramirez) move into their beautiful new apartment. Hahn is also there assisting Callie and making Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and Cristina extremely uncomfortable. Hahn (Brooke Smith) asks Callie on a date. A date-date, actually, with perhaps some taking off of clothes at the end. Yowza.
Meredith comes back home to find Derek naked and waiting for her. She also finds Ellis’ old diary next to the bed, totally ruining the romantic moment. Derek had found it in Ellis’ old study when he was looking for a place to keep his clothes. Meredith, angry that he was rooting through her mother’s things, grabs the diary and freezes up and leaves the room. Confiding in Cristina, Meredith says that she’s afraid of reading it because she’s afraid of what she might find there. Meanwhile, Derek complains to Mark (Eric Dane) about Meredith’s flakiness and privacy issues.
At the hospital, Richard (James Pickens Jr.) is still on his new teaching protocol kick. According to the protocol, Bailey assigns all the residents to different services than they are used to. Izzie and Alex are in the pit, Cristina is in the clinic and Meredith is on cardiothoracic. George hasn’t heard yet whether he passed his intern exam, so he’s still a lowly repeater intern.
Izzie’s patient in the pit is a man, whom I’ll call Head Guy, whose wife threw a remote control at his head and needs stitches. They are having a marital dispute because apparently Head Guy was bored and asleep while they were on vacation together in Europe. His wife wants to divorce him. However, Izzie thinks that Head Guy might have a neuro thing going on because his mouth lists toward the side, so she orders a CT. Alex steals the patient out from under her, and finds that there is a tumor the size of a baseball in the guy’s head. Therefore, I will now call him Tumor Guy. Izzie founds out about the patient stealing and tries to complain to Derek, but he just shuts her down. Mark advises Izzie to treat surgeries like they would in the Wild West. I hope that doesn’t mean she will forgo sanitizing her scalpels. Actually, what it really means is that Izzie decides to throw stuff at Alex. Anyway, the grapefruit-sized mass in Tumor Guy’s head was making him lethargic, which is why he slept through his vacation. His wife feels guilty that she didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
Meredith and George’s patient is a little kid who runs around the hospital throwing tantrums about not wanting to have surgery, even pulling the fire alarm. Meredith tells Hahn that she’ll sedate the little moppet if she has to, trying to prove that she’s tough. George proves to have better bedside manners, though, when it comes time to put an IV in the moppet. George demonstrates on his own arm that it’s not so bad.
Lexie and Cristina have a patient in the clinic with a bad rash. Cristina pages Mark for a consult on her rash patient, but he is very little help and just tells her to apply some kind of topical ointment. Cristina goes to the dermatology department for the medication, and lo, it is a brave new world there. Every attending and resident has a personal massage therapist to work on their hands whenever they have down time. There is water with raspberries flowing freely, and the residents all seem happy and relaxed.
Callie is all distracted at work and confides in Bailey that she’s going on a date with Hahn. She’s completely awkward and nervous about the prospect of pleasuring a female, making tons of geographical euphemisms, such as “south of the border,” and “northern mountains.” Richard is apoplectic with the plumbing people who are not done fixing the pipes yet. Bailey is equally irritated that her residents are whining about not being put on their specialties and about people telling her about their personal problems.
Meredith (with help from Cristina) impresses Hahn with her knowledge of cardiothoracic stuff, but George knows that she’s full of crap. Fortunately, Hahn is too distracted by Callie’s T&A to notice. Bailey notices Hahn noticing Callie, so she finally overcomes her discomfort at talking about sex with Callie by comparing exploration of the va-jay-jay to going on a trip to Africa. She tells Callie to do some research, prepare herself and not to be afraid to talk about it with Hahn. Bailey rocks my world.
Cristina pages Meredith to come down to dermatology and points out all the derm residents, saying that they have time to bake seven-layer cakes from scratch, take their girlfriends skiing, get daily massages, and sometimes they get “too much sleep.” Cristina might be in love with dermatology now because there is only “warmth and light” there. Cristina and Meredith have taken up residence on the couch in derm. Cristina helps Meredith prep for her surgery, and then Izzie joins them to complain about Derek and Alex.
George finds the three of them there and snaps them out of their dermatology daze by reminding them that dermatologists apply lotion for a living. But that, Cristina says, is the point. Dermatologists are empty and devoid inside; they just love lotion, so they don’t need to steal surgeries. George has to physically drag his friends back to the surgical wing. Cristina finally goes back to the clinic to find Rash Woman gasping for breath. Cristina hurries her to the ER, yelling at Lexie for not bringing her there sooner. Because of her newfound fascination with dermatology, Cristina offers to do a skin biopsy on the woman.
Izzie decides to cowboy up, very ruthlessly and unprofessionally, by dropping hints to Tumor Guy that Alex is off his game. Tumor Guy then requests to Derek that he wants Izzie back on his case. When Alex confronts her about it, she finaly grows a pair and tells him to wipe his own snot for a change. She’s going to stop looking out for him.
George asks Hahn and Richard if he can bring the moppet into the OR to watch someone else’s surgery. It’s an arthroscopic surgery with no blood. He just wants the moppet to meet the people and see a patient under general anesthesia who is still alive. Unfortunately, George takes him into Tumor Guy’s surgery where Izzie has just peeled the entire skin of the patient’s face back. Gross! The moppet isn’t afraid, but finds it fascinating, asking bazillions of questions. Finally, the moppet is on board with being operated on. During his surgery, Meredith demonstrates a difficult technique that Cristina taught her. Hahn says she does a good job but lets her know that she lied about having done the procedure before. She says that if she lies again, she’ll cut her heart out with a steak knife.
In the oversharing portion of tonight’s episode, Izzie comforts Tumor Guy’s wife, telling her that she’s not a terrible person, she just made a mistake. Alex overhears her saying this.
Upstairs in derm, Meredith, Cristina and Izzie all decide that even though the dermatology residents are happy and relaxed, they would all be bored to tears if they worked there. They like when things are about life or death.
At the end of the night, Richard hands George his test results. Lexie opens it and says that he passed. He’s not an intern anymore, yay! Lexie wants to celebrate, but the wind is knocked out of her sails when all George can think about is telling Meredith and Izzie. Poor Lexie.
At Joe’s bar, Derek threatens to kick Izzie and Alex out of the program if they ever pull that cowboy crap again. He then leaves without even a word to Meredith. Alex apologizes to Izzie in his own asshole-ish kind of way that he knows he’s being an ass and taking out all of his issues with Ava on her.
Callie and Hahn have their date at their fancy restaurant date. Callie wants to set ground rules about their vacation in the Motherland, below the Mason-Dixon line of her pants. Ha! Callie is kind of freaked out, but Hahn says that they are in no rush, that they can stop a first base. Callie says that they can consider second base too.
At the frat house, Derek tells Meredith that he’s moving back to the trailer. Showing some actual growth, Meredith apologizes for freaking out and says that he should stay and that he can even use her mother’s old study as his place to go to unwind. In return, he offers her his trailer to be her safe haven place. At the end of the episode, she and Cristina read Ellis’ diary together in the trailer.