Previously on Flavor of Love 3: The women performed plays for a group of children. Despite flashing her buns to the kiddies, Bunz stayed and Bee-Ex was eliminated because Oprah once gave her a date with Usher. So Bee-Ex went from going on The Oprah Winfrey Show to win a date with Usher to starring on Flavor of Love 3 to make out with Flavor Flav.
Myammee, clad in just a bikini, pays Flavor Flav a late night visit. He needs her to wait a second so he can drop the kids off at the pool and overdose the room with air freshener. I’m no doctor, but I think he has IBS. Bunz gets a phone call from home saying bills are piling up, which concerns her. Then Rayna calls the house and makes a series of threats against the girls still their and Flavor Flav himself.
The next morning, Flavor Flav announces that he’s holding a Total Packages Contest. The women will compete one-on-one in a series of tasks designed to test particular attributes he’s looking for. The winner moves on, the loser sits down. The last girl standing gets a solo date.
The first challenge tests Classiness. I’m already laughing. Thing 1 and Thing 2 compete against Hotlanta. Flavor Flav presents them with a trio of delicacies: pate, foie gras and brains. First girl to clean her plate wins. Only one Thing gets to compete, and it’s Thing 1, aka the fat twin. Each plate costs $3,500. VH1 could’ve saved a lot of money if the challenge was just for each girl to finish off a bag of Funyuns. Hotlanta starts projectile vomiting, so the Things win.
Myammee competes against Bunz in a Hotness contest. But it’s actually about body temperature. Flavor Flav puts them in bikinis and gives them jump rope and a trampoline. Myammee heats up to 100.8 degrees and wins.
Seezinz and Prancer compete to see who the better Mother is. They must dress and make lunch for a doll. Prancer wins.
The Things and Myammee compete for Spirituality, and they each get one minute to preach a sermon to a choir. The Things thank the Lord for Flavor Flav’s existence. Myammee puts her faith in God’s hands. The choir picks Myammee to win.
Shy and Sinceer compete in a game of Luck, literally. Flavor Flav deals them a hand of blackjack. Shy is dealt 18, Sinceer is dealt 12. Sinceer hits, gets a jack, and busts. Seriously, that’s the end of the game.
In the Smart challenge, Prancer goes against Shy. A nuclear physicist explains how the sun works, and the girls must explain it back to Flavor Flav. Prancer babbles incoherently, then Shy talks about the sun exploding so we can’t breathe. Prancer is, I guess, less incoherent and wins.
Finally, Prancer and Myammee compete to rescue Flavor Flav. They must get a dummy in the pool and drag it to a medical cot. Myammee is worried about getting her hair wet. She jumps in, but as soon as her hair is wet, she’s either too upset, or too weighed down by her wet hair, so she quits and Prancer wins.
Afterwards, Shy picks up the phone. It’s some angry guy claiming Myammee owes him $1,000 or else. The girls freak out, and Shy suspects it’s a pimp. Myammee claims he’s a liar, and I believe her. This guy knew Shy’s nickname, and if it really was Myammee’s pimp, why would he call her Myammee?
Flavor Flav takes Prancer to a body painting studio because he’s very “artistical.” After making body imprints, Prancer tells him about the phone call, saying it’s Myammee’s ex-fiancee she stole the money from. When they return to the mansion, Shy is going off on Myammee for putting her life in danger. Seezinz suspects it’s a prank by Rayna who called to make threats, but she’s too busy enjoying the fight to bring this up. It turns out Shy is afraid because her cousin got shot by some guy the cousin stole money from.
After that, Flavor Flav does some pre-elimination thinking. Sinceer and the Things tell him to boot Bunz because she’s more concerned about her kids’ welfare than competing on this show (though in my mind, that’s a positive quality to have). Flavor Flav gives Myammee a clock of immunity, asks he if there’s anything else, and when she has nothing to add on the $1,000 issue, he revokes the immunity clock.
Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time! Flavor Flav politely eliminates Bunz because, as a father of seven, he respects that she should put her kids above any man. Flavor Flav doesn’t know the truth about Myammee’s situation, but he decides to err on the side of caution, so he eliminates her too. Seezinz still thinks it was Rayna, but she’s not going to tell anyone that.
After Flavor Flav gives Shy her clock, he tells her she needs to work on her oral hygiene, because the bad breath is killing him. Big Rick and the other girls all crack up, as do I.
Next week on Flavor of Love 3: The ladies do a calendar photo shoot, then some other women arrive and, as Prancer says (while wearing that cheap, Uma Thurman in Kill Bill knock-off jacket), “It’s about to be a war zone.”