Previously on That’s Amore! – Love got sick and had to go before spreading the plague to the rest of the women (they already have enough diseases to worry about, I imagine). Talor’s ass was better than Jessica’s, so Jessica was also sent home. Kim and Missy hazed Rebecca until she cried, then they did it some more.

While the other girls are at breakfast, Talor sneaks into Domenico Nesci’s bed for some private cuddling. The girls get their pizza deliver and they are informed about yet another food-themed challenge, this one involving live chickens that Ashley McNeely is tending to. The chickens are for dinner, and Rebecca is already crying about it.

The ladies come down in French maid outfits for no reason whatsoever. Domenico is hungry for some chicken parm. Damn, that is probably my favorite food, and surely That’s Amore will turn me off it forever. Talor is, unfortunately, a vegetarian. The last time Rebecca cooked for her boyfriend, he threw up afterwards. Somehow Christina manages to set spaghetti noodles on fire while they’re in a pot of water.

After cooking, they serve their dishes to Domenico. Missy’s chicken is in the shape of a heart, but he spits it out. Girl Ashley’s is also spit out. Rebecca’s dish has about five whole chickens on it. Megan’s chicken is pink, so Domenico doesn’t even try it. Kim’s is delicious. Kathleen’s is good, but it’s not chicken parm. He doesn’t even try Talor’s, but she gives him a lap dance to make up for it. Christina’s is not so good. Obviously Kim is the winner.

Boy Ashley informs the girls about part two of the challenge, which involves cleaning the kitchen. Cooking and cleaning, can this show get any more sexist? The answer is yes, because “cleaning the kitchen” is apparently code for writhing around on your hands and knees dripping soapy water all over your breasts. Virginal Kathleen goes all out with the stripper moves. I’ve seen less scandalous things on Skinemax. Kathleen’s whorish moves win her a date as well.

Kim and Kathleen go on their date, and Kathleen is tongue tied, calling him her “objection, the objection of my affection.” Freudian slip much? Domenico asks them to paint how they see their future with him, so he strips down to a flesh-colored Speedo with fig leaves on the crotch. Kathleen’s painting, which she says “tells 100 stories,” is of her kissing him under a bridge, like trolls in love. They celebrate by making out. Kim’s painting is of a castle, and she’s an angel floating above it. Wait, is she dead?

Upstairs, the other girls get wasted. Moreso than normal, I guess. They jump on Domenico’s bed, then Talor breaks the cherub statue on the stair post. Since the damage is done, Missy picks it up and smashes it on the ground.

The next morning, Boy Ashley orders everyone into the That’s Amore elimination room. He’s disappointed about the broken statue. It was a gift from a friend. The girls come clean about Talor’s accident and Missy’s destruction. Domenico excuses everyone except Missy. She wants forgiveness, and he appears to give it to her.

The girls get another pizza delivery instructing them to put on their bikinis and head out to the pool. Domenico wants to see girls fight for a guy, so Boy Ashley tells them it’s going to be a good, old-fashioned pillow fight! One girl whose name I didn’t catch says, “It’s on like Donkey Kong.” Dumb as it is, I love that phrase. The girls must weigh in to determine who pillow fights who. Excellent, That’s Amore is going to further embarrass these women by announcing their weights on national TV!

102-pound Talor goes against 114-pound Christina. Talor wins. 116-pound Kathleen (who Boy Ashley calls the Ida-Ho) goes against the 122-pound Kim. Kathleen wins, then Kim pulls her off the pedestal and, in her own words, “tries to drown that bitch.” 123-pound Rebecca goes against the 124-pound Megan (who is called Silent But Deadly). Down goes Megan, down goes Megan! 126-pound Missy finally competes against 132-pound Girl Ashley. Missy takes it.

The four winners go on a date and Domenico announces three women will be going home. How random are these eliminations? Five, then two, now three? On the bright side, it means fewer episodes for me to recap. The date starts in a bath tub and moves to massages. Kathleen is aggressive and Rebecca likes to tickle.

That’s Amore Elimination Time! Beforehand, Boy Ashley puts his one cent in. He loved Kathleen’s whore dancing and disapproves of Missy and Talor. In the room, Talor gets the first flag, followed by Kathleen, Megan and Kim. The final flag goes to…Christina. Meaning statue-smashing Missy, crying Rebecca and Girl Ashley are all leaving.

Girl Ashley just storms off. But it’s not over, because she returns, pounding on the door demanding to be let in. She threatens to kill Talor and hurls plenty of insults, then asks Christina to break Talor’s face.

Next week on That’s Amore: The families of the final five arrive, so they too get to compete in a disgusting food challenge. Then, surprise-surprise, there’s another catfight.

-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)