Last week, the nation had a period of mourning as the CW aired reruns of Farmer Wants a Wife in order to avoid the juggernaut known as the American Idol finale.  Not only was I deprived of Farmer Matt’s abs and butterface, but David Cook won instead of David Archuleta.  Anyway, on the last new episode of FWAW, Brooke and Lisa creeped Matt out by showing up at his house uninvited in the middle of the night.  Prior to that, Amanda impressed Matt’s parents on their private date together.  Will her wholesome good girl image win the farmer’s heart forever?

Tonight’s episode features both saucy square dancing and a dramatic corn harvesting challenge.  Let’s see them do that on American Idol!

I really want to find out who wrote the Farmer Wants a Wife theme song, which you may have noticed I’m totally obsessed with.  My money is on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, though it’s possible he may have better things to do these days.  I tried Googling the ditty so I could find out who sings it and promptly download it to my iPod, but alas, the Internet was not helpful.  Where’s Nancy Drew when you need her?

Anyway, the episode starts off with the girls talking about the crazy stalker antics of Brooke and Lisa.  They think it’s hilarious that Matt might think of them as immature psychos after the incident in the previous episode.  If there’s one thing I learned in high school, it’s that stalking people never ends well.  However, that’s another story for another recap.

After a touching moment involving a goat giving birth, Farmer Matt arrives and whisks the girls away to their next challenge.  It’s time to reenact Children of the Corn, except without all the fun bloodshed.  The girls have to fill up three buckets with 24 corn cobs each, and the lady who fills her buckets first will win immunity.  Each of the contestants is determined to win, and they’re not above playing dirty to do it.  Lisa even stoops to stealing Amanda’s empty bucket when she’s not looking.  Devious!  The challenge comes down to Lisa and Brooke, but Brooke pulls ahead and wins at the last minute.

Stacey doesn’t seem like the brightest cob in the corn field.  She comes in dead last in the challenge, has trouble driving the truck around town, and pays too much attention to her appearance.  Does she really want to be a farmer’s wife?  The show is either setting her up to get booted in this episode, or she’s a total red herring.

Farmer Matt is once again indulging in his obsession with hobbies favored by the elderly.  First it was bingo, then knitting, and now he’s taking the ladies square dancing.  After a quick lesson in this fine down home tradition, two of the girls decide to show the teacher how people dance in the big city.  Apparently folks in the city are only good at shaking their booties and dancing like super skanks.  Somebody help me before I start having Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious flashbacks.

Not only do the ladies have to square dance, but they have to get dolled up in hideous dresses before doing it.  My inner Blair Waldorf breaks down in tears over these fashion atrocities.  Anyway, when it comes time for the big waltz Amanda makes her move and grabs on to Matt.  She feels that they truly have chemistry, which may be true since Matt made out with her last week.

Each of the girls has a chance to do-si-do with Matt, but Stacey is edited as being antisocial and hanging in the background.  If she doesn’t get eliminated in this episode I will happily eat my shoe.  When the dancing is done, Lisa and Brooke try to discern if Matt is creeped out by their night of stalking.  He’s vague and elusive, but he may be catching on to their deceptive ways.

It’s elimination day, and now the editors want us to believe that Lisa may be sent home for being crazy and fake.  It’s possible, but since I don’t want to eat my shoe I’m still putting my money on Stacey.  This week’s elimination ceremony involves another fine country creation: moonshine!  The contestants have to pour the moonshine into their glasses, and the one who’s cup doesn’t overflow will be booted.  I was hoping this elimination would involve taking shots of 300 proof liquor that was made in a barn, but whatever.  The person going back to the city tonight is Stacey.  Hurray, my shoe is staying on for another day!

This week, Farmer Matt decides to have his one on one date with Kanisha.  He tells her to bring chaps and spurs, which immediately makes my mind go to frightening and unpleasant places.  He ends up taking her horseback riding through the country.  They hold hands, lay in the grass, and even share a quick kiss.  It’s far from the make out session Matt had with Amanda, but it still makes Kanisha feel like Cinderella.

As the episode wraps up, Kanisha arrives back at the house and spills the beans to the girls.  Despite great prompting from the other ladies, she neglected to give Matt a hickey.  However, she still had plenty of alone time with him, so the other contestants are immediately jealous and spiteful.  They didn’t view Kanisha as a real contender before, but now she’s looking like serious competition.

Hey, Matt didn’t even take his shirt off this week.  What kind of show is this?

– Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of the CW)


Staff Writer, BuddyTV