Last week on Bones, Booth and Brennan honeymooned in Buenos Aires. That is, if you call working on a murder mystery and hanging out at a morgue a honeymoon. After finding the murderer of a Nazi war criminal, Booth and Brennan finally kicked back and relaxed.

Meanwhile, back at the Jeffersonian, Angela and Hodgins mulled over giving their son, Michael, a sibling.

In this week’s episode of Bones, titled “The Dude in the Dam,” the team investigates the murder of a male model, and Brennan gets into a feud with another author.

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Not so Tactful

While Booth and Brennan debate the best ways to read the newspaper (he favors the actual printed newspaper, while Brennan favors a tablet), the author discovers that another writer has insulted her book. Tess Brown (Nora Dunn) is a mystery novelist who Brennan previously slammed for the lack of realism in her books. Booth attempts to point out the fine art of being tactful, while Bones demonstrates how tactful she is by complimenting her new husband’s tie, even with the milk stain on it. Hilarious!

Two students discover a body in a huge beaver dam. Hodgins estimates that the body has been there for three days. Since the remains have been hosting some slugs that excrete a sticky substance, Wendell ignores Hodgin’s warning to wait for him before cleaning the bones. What follows is an amusing scene where Wendell’s glove is caught on the bone, and he inadvertently hits Hodgins in the face, thus sticking to him.

Hodgins is Having a Baby

Angela also discovers that Hodgins has a growing mosquito egg in his neck that is going to hatch. Yikes! I am pretty sure that this was not how they were discussing expanding their family unit. Brennan stops by to congratulate Hodgins as he prepares to birth his baby bot fly. Since his wife is not supportive of Hodgin’s plan, he asks Wendell to be his birthing assistant.

To Model or Not to Model?

Angela identifies the victim as Sean Nolan, a 30-year-old part-time model. Sweets meets with Nolan’s live-in girlfriend. She paid most of the bills and didn’t report him missing because she thought he was on a photo shoot. When Booth chats with Nolan’s agent, he discovers that he hadn’t been modeling for months.

After Angela tries to show Brennan that she is “blunt,” Brennan decides to apologize to the other author. Angela uses her skill to access some files on the victim’s computer and discovers a file labeled “Kids” with photos of children in a park.

Booth and Brennan investigate, and Brennan notes that many of the children playing together at the park share some unusual genetic traits which mean that they must share a common parent. One of the mothers, Allison Stallings, reveals that they are all members of the “562 Playgroup.” All of the children were fathered by the same sperm donor, number 562, at the Khamu Sperm Bank. Brennan thinks that Nolan is the father of all the children.

Sweets sits down with Judith Lanfranco, the manager of the Khamu Sperm Bank, who admits that Nolan was one of the most popular “genius” donors because of his Ivy League education and height. Sweets tells her that Nolan was a college drop-out, and Lanfranco is not surprised. It turns out that Nolan provided false information, and when his lies were discovered the sperm bank stopped working with him. Sweets is definitely suspicious.

On the Book Beat

Tess Brown and Brennan meet up on the television show Book Beat to end their feud. Brennan does apologize, but also further insults Brown by explaining how difficult it is to write a novel that blends fact and fiction seamlessly. The conversation deteriorates from there. Sweets later reveals that Brown was baiting Brennan, and in fact asked Brennan for a review of her book knowing that it would be unfavorable.

Testosterone Tests

Hodgins finds that Nolan was taking HCG, the fertility drug, which increased the victim’s sperm count and testosterone level. The crew theorize that Nolan was buying the drug on the street or from a gym. Nolan’s trainer, Creach, has a previous history of selling drugs. After a tussle with Booth, Creach cops to selling the HCG and remarks that Nolan wouldn’t pay him. If he wasn’t working for a sperm bank, why would Nolan continue to take the HCG? In order to sell his sperm online, of course.

Death by Hoe

Sweets interrogates an angry client named Robertson who sent Nolan an e-mail threatening him. The unhappy client states that Judith Lanfranco recommended Nolan. In a curious turn, Lanfranco was actually making payments to Nolan. Lanfranco and Nolan were lovers, and she became pregnant. Supposedly, Nolan was going to leave his girlfriend.

Angela produces a new computer model, which shows that Nolan’s wounds were not defensive, but occurred while he was attempting to shield his pelvic region. The cause of death is the severing of the femoral artery by a three-edged hoe.

Booth and Sweets talk to Nolan’s girlfriend, who is convinced that he never wanted children.

And the Killer Is…

Brennan discovers a piece of fingernail in the victim’s orbital region, and it belongs to Lanfranco. She confesses that she hit Nolan with the hoe when he laughed at her when she told him that she was pregnant.

With Angela by his side, Hodgins gives birth to his baby bot fly, named Jefferson.

Brennan meets with her nemesis at the diner, and Brennan accuses Brown of starting a feud to increase her book sales. Brown refers to her readers as ”idiots” while she is being filmed by a waitress at the diner. Now that is some cosmic payback.

Bones fans have a treat this week when another new episode airs on its new day, Friday at 8pm on FOX.

(Image courtesy of FOX)

Kim Stempel

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV

Kim has been covering television entertainment since 2013. She is addicted to Real Housewives, Pump Rules, Dancing with the Stars, and many more shows.