Things never work out the way you plan, and Big Brother 12 learned that the hard way this week when the plan to backdoor Brendon blew up in the HGs’ faces. Luckily, like every disaster movie, Big Brother has comic relief in the forms of Andrew, who delivered the most hilariously awful and unconvincing speech in Big Brother history.

Andrew, lovingly nicknamed Captain Kosher due to his Orthodox Judaism, goes even more psycho than usual following his nomination. He’s a one-man cleaning machine, and the saddest part is that he wants desperately to be Brendon’s BFF. He thinks they should be an alliance, but there are two huge things standing in his way: Rachel.

Andrew is the third wheel, or at least he wishes he was. However, he has no shot at making that friendship work unless Rachel is gone, because she is a total succubus.

The Power of Veto competition went the opposite of how everyone wanted it to go and exactly how the Big Brother producers wanted it to go. The only reason Brendon won the PoV was because it was a complex, analytical challenge of guesstimating amounts and choosing to stay or fold.

I’m not saying Big Brother fixed the competition so Brendon and Rachel would win, but people like Lane and Kathy didn’t have a chance. How about an accuracy challenge for the gun enthusiast and the deputy-sheriff?

After that, the show gets laughably bad during the nomination ceremony when Andrew’s speech is full-on loony tunes. He talks about what happened last week and he tries to do it again by claiming that he’s coming after Brendon and Rachel next week, then he asks for Brendon to use the veto on him. This was a plan he concocted with Brendon to try to save himself and there are exactly three reactions to it:

Andrew and Brendon’s Reaction: “We’re super smart and this plan is sure to work for us.”

Rachel’s Reaction: “OMG, Andrew is so mean, I can’t believe he said that stuff about me and Brendon because I LOVE Brendon and we’re totally going to stay together forever and have lots of babies. Vegas, woo!”

Everyone Else’s Reaction: “Do they seriously think we’re buying this crap? Andrew is nuts and now we’re definitely evicting him, if only because this plan is so hilariously transparent and terrible that we can’t believe anyone would think it’s good.”

So goodbye, Andrew. I hope the Big Brother door doesn’t hit your super crazy butt on the way out.

(Image courtesy of CBS)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.