There are things we know going into this episode of Big Brother 12 and things we don’t.
We know Andrew is going home, but we don’t know if it will be unanimous, 7-1 or 6-2.
We know a new HoH will be chosen, but we don’t know if it will be Brendon, Rachel, or someone who will nominate Brendon and Rachel (those are the only three options).
We know Matt and Julie Chen will share some one-on-one time in his exiting HoH interview, but we don’t know if she’ll acknowledge the giant pink Chenbot elephant in the room.
But a live show is still more exciting than anything else in the Big Brother game, so let’s get this started. Back to you, Chenbot!
Somehow Rachel is the only person dumb enough to be lured in by Andrew’s preposterously awful lie. Brendon explains to her that he was in on the plan, and rather than go along with it (or yell at him for trying to hatch a plan without her), she’s just an angry, irrational girlfriend.
The funniest part is that everyone else thinks Rachel’s genuinely idiotic angry reaction was fake and part of the plan. I don’t mean to pile on Rachel, but when the only options are that you’re a terrible liar or a total moron, I don’t know which one is worse in this game.
It makes me feel so bad for Brendon because he’s trying to save Andrew, avoid being a target by the rest of the house, and now Rachel is upset at him for no good reason. Someone needs to step in and tell him that he’s in a toxic relationship.
That absurdity is followed by Kathy telling everyone her sad story about fighting cancer. Yes, it’s heartwarming and triumphant, but I’m a Big Brother purist, so none of that matters to me. She’s an incredibly strong and brave woman in the real world, but in the Big Brother house she’s a week permanent pawn.
Holy cow, Andrew’s next strategy is to bait Kristen and they get into a huge screaming match. Kristen’s claws are coming out after she’s been little more than a background extra for the past three weeks.
Julie Chen talks about spotlighting with Lane, elocution with Enzo, and then she gives everyone a huge prize: No one will be on slop next week. They’re all very happy and I have no doubt Enzo ran to the fridge during the next commercial break to make a Dagwood-style sandwich.
Matt’s wife Stacy doesn’t agree with his strategy to lie about her having a bone disease, but she admits that she went along with it in the letter she wrote to Matt.
Julie and Matt:
Matt is very cocky about his wife’s lie, saying it’s great for him and he has no regrets because he’s the self-proclaimed best Big Brother player ever. Matt also admits that Hayden and Kristen’s relationship is the biggest danger to the Brigade.
She loves everyone and talks about morality and integrity. Yawn.
He totally outs Hayden and Kristen for making out and having a relationship and then explains all the awful things they’ve said about everyone else. Wow, this is amazing! He just rips on Kristen the whole time and speaks at the speed of light to get everything in. It’s so ugly, but great TV.
The speech also makes all the votes much more interesting because it gives everyone a moment of privacy to react to it with a mix of shock, amusement, confusion, disgust and glee.
Kristen votes to evict…ANDREW
Rachel votes to evict…ANDREW
Britney votes to evict…ANDREW
Enzo votes to evict…ANDREW
Brendon votes to evict…ANDREW
Lane votes to evict…ANDREW
Hayden votes to evict…ANDREW
Ragan votes to evict…ANDREW
ANDREW IS EVICTED!
Unanimous, and with a great ending as Ragan also votes to institutionalize Andrew. At least he kicked a giant clump of sand into everyone’s eyes before leaving.
Julie says Andrew’s speech was the best one she’s ever seen, and I agree. She proves she’d be great at this game by suggesting that he should’ve used this information to blackmail Hayden and Kristen into giving him their votes. Julie Chen’s a gamer. She also outs Matt’s lie about his wife. I guess there’s no way he’s coming back into the house, because she wouldn’t have revealed that if his return was a possibility.
It’s the always fun knockout game where two HGs answer a question and whoever gets it right first moves on, the other is eliminated, and the winner picks the next two players.
Hayden vs. Britney: Britney is out
Rachel vs. Brendon: Brendon is out
Hayden vs. Kristen: Hayden is out
Rachel vs. Kathy: Kathy is out
Kristen vs. Enzo: Enzo is out
Rachel vs. Ragan: Ragan is out
Kristen vs. Lane: Kristen is out
Lane vs. Rachel: Lane is out
RACHEL IS THE NEW HOH!
Nooooooooooo! This is going to be a crappy week. She now has two HoHs, Brendon has two PoVs and they both have egos the size of Texas. I care too much about Big Brother because I literally feel sick to my stomach.
The New Twist:
Next week there will be a Pandora’s Box and whatever HG left in the house America votes for will be offered the chance to be the new Saboteur. Then all they need to do is survive for two weeks to win $20,000. I hope America votes for someone who gets evicted next week, so the new twist ends before it even begins.
After the Comp:
Usually, the final moments of the live show are dull, but this week we get Kristen going off about Andrew’s lies, Rachel yelling back that Kristen is a floater, and then Kristen responding by saying that she already knows she and Hayden are going to be nominated. Man, this is going to be explosive.
(Image courtesy of CBS)