After getting to know thirteen strangers in the past months and seeing them all interact in that eco-friendly cage, it has come down to this. I’m not really that excited since we have the Whiny One, the Blonde One, and Kevin as this season’s Final Three. But come on, let’s all just deal with it so we can move on from this. Season 12 can’t come any sooner.
Back to reality, reality TV. Tonight we bear witness to two full hours of Big Brother, and the one thing that can top that is Julie Chen giving birth right in the middle of it all. Then declaring the kid as the winner this season. Or not, but we do wish the very pregnant lady all the best.
Here it is, finale night. I just checked the polls and it looks as though most of you think Jordan deserves to win this season. Let’s find out then. Excited yet? Not really.
Wait, I just saw Jim Parsons in a commercial! Yay! Okay, here we go. Hello, Julie Chen (plus baby) and audience cheering for Russell and Braden who we hardly knew. We’ve already looked back on the game via slideshow – from the cliques which hardly mattered to Russell’s betrayal that changed the game. There was Coup D’etat, the shift of power, Operation Bosley, and the floaters stepping in. Now, Kevin got his game on and he’s going up against Jordan tonight.
Julie Chen reminds me of a Juno quote in that blue outfit – “cautionary whale.” Anyway, when she talks about the evicted houseguest, we see Natalie on the screen. Hmm. Kevin still thinks she has friends in the Jury House. Natalie whines again and wants to throw some balls around. Hope they bounce back.
She gets called to the Diary Room and I wonder if BB has some twist planned, like calling her out for supposedly cheating during Part 1 of the HoH comp. But we hear nothing but Kevin giving his word to Jordan – “1000%,” he says. Unfortunately for him, Jordo’s interview doesn’t quite fit the deal.
Kevin’s heading for the hammock. If I fall asleep in the middle of this episode (and it looks very likely), then it probably won’t make much of a difference. Jordan interviews that she’s genuinely taking Natalie to Final Two if she wins HoH. This would screw America because we all just want Natalie out.
Mama Julie tells us that the HGs are going to reunite later in the hour. Does that mean crazy Chima’s back? She talks to the Final Three after commercial and it’s the “inspirational” part of the show. Like a teacher to preschoolers, there’s what-did-you-learn, what-will-you-miss, how-this-experience-changed-you. Yeah, yeah. Let’s move on to Jury House!
Lydia can’t think of a better nickname for Jordan than Blonde Lady, but that’s actually enough. Soon Michele walks in and Jessie celebrates, but that was short-lived since he found out his little lapdog got engaged. More and more the jurors are bashing Natalie (and the poor soul who proposed to her), so her chances at votes are definitely slim. “The Wannabe Flavor Flav” slash “Queen of the Trailer Park” (thanks, Tattooed One) now has absolutely no friends in the Jury House. Whew.
Merits of the Final 3 Debate: The Jury’s echoing our thoughts and Jeff gets emotional towards Lydia when she mentions Jordan. Of course, Jessie sides with Natalie, but Russell compliments Jordan’s play by attaching herself to Jeff. It’s getting difficult to follow their conversation, but obviously, it’s Russell who’s making the most sense.
He says Natalie “fell into the strategy” by being a loser. Michele calls “dodging the bullet” as Natalie’s best move, but the little liar still reminds me of a leech. Jeff makes a mistake of calling Jessie the strongest player, then says “This room doesn’t fit your head and we’re all outside!” After that, it gets more personal so the votes are difficult to pin down.
HoH Competition: How much do you know the Jury members?
I’m so happy Natalie’s on the side just staring into space.
Tie-breaker: How many total votes to evict have been cast so far this season?
Jordan’s face is the epitome of clueless; she didn’t even have to say she didn’t know the answer. But…she wins.
Final HoH is JORDAN.
Wow, she can actually manage without Jeff.
For the first time, Natalie starts telling the truth about how she and Jordo have been on an opposing poles. She’s pleading her “as a friend,” which bothers me a lot. Kevin, on the other hand, flatters the HoH and calls her Gucci. Who’s out?
Jordan’s half-million dollar decision: Her gut’s telling her to eviiiict KEVIN.
Final 2 are Natalie and Jordan.
Natalie’s pushing Kevin out the door and all the strong players in the house are gone. The season of floaters, it is. And seeing as how the Jury have personal issues with Natalie, we all know who’s going to win Big Brother, unless Julie Chen’s baby suddenly comes into existence.
The Jury’s back on stage (no Chima drama though) and they’re all shocked at Kevin’s eviction. Here we have the guys who actually played the game but lost to who Lydia calls “two witches.” That’s some magic spell those two are casting. We’ve got Good Witch and Bad Witch on the green seats so it’s question time.
Russell on Jordan’s strategy pre-BB: Lay low and not trust everyone, but that quickly changed when she got in. She admits she’s genuinely clueless, which might definitely affects the votes.
Lydia on Natalie’s biggest threat in the game: Is it flattery? She says it’s Lydia coming between Jessie and her.
Jeff on Jordan’s best move (other than Jeff-ing): Getting rid of Kevin.
Jessie then asks why Jordan would deserve the money. After weeks of riding coattails, she finally proves she can do things for herself. Why Natalie? Because she has a strategy, aligning herself with stronger players rather than be one herself. I look at the faces of the Jury members and am horrified. Does Natalie actually have a chance at winning?
Kevin’s Question: What did Jordan do better than Natalie? Hm, everything? She won HoH, Veto, took a batch more often. That should settle it already!
The two plead their case. Jordan admits that her under-the-radar strategy actually worked, but she managed to win things for herself. Natalie blabs something about not needing to win competitions? As we expected, she just goes on and on about her loyalties.
Voting time, but they can’t reveal who’s who yet, only give a few words to the Final 2.
Jessie: Hakuna Matata to Jordan (Sing! It means no worries, for the rest of your daaaay!)
Lydia: “Jordan, I love a good blonde.”
Russell: To the best game from start to finish.
Jeff: Duh, proud of Jordan.
Michele: To the strongest female in this game (so it’s neither of them?)
Kevin: Since he can’t vote for who’s cuter, it’s gotta stay strategic.
America’s Vote: ?!?!?, thanks Julie
Hm, let’s see. Jordan’s most likely got Jeff, Lydia, and Michele on board, but it’s Jessie’s vote that’s vague. We expected him to pick Natalie, seeing as how he’s smitten. Maybe he felt shunned by that engagement of hers and decided to go Jordan’s way. Hopefully.
Oh look, we have surfer-dude Braden and feisty Laura back, then it’s Master Banana Casey and two-faced Ronnie. I hate to say it but nice shirt, Rat. Ronnie redeems himself to us by revealing to Jordan Natalie’s real age and we can hear Kevin yell “I knew it!!” in the background. Poor guy.
Here’s Big Brother 11 exposed: the scandalous and redonkulous. We all agree with Casey explaining Jeff’s biggest mistake in the game – believing Operation Bosley. But that isn’t as shocking as Braden claiming he takes notes to find out how Jessie gets girls in bed. It’s Laura talking about Chima’s expulsion and I can’t even make a joke about her because what she’s saying is true.
Jessie’s meatheadedness is proven one more time, as Julie defines “platonic” for the guy. Regarding his relationship with Lydia, there was absolute shock. But we’re more concerned with Jordeff. Everyone wants them to go to Hawaii, but Jeff still isn’t making promises. Tsk, he’s more indecisive than your average woman.
Hey, I haven’t fallen asleep yet. We’re back
Revelation of votes:
Jessie: Jordan (HAH!)
Lydia: Jordan (Make this unanimous!)
Russell: Natalie (Seriously?)
And the winner of Big Brother 11 is not Natalie, but JORDAN. Get those nectarines, let’s have a beach party. That was one weird summer.
It was a 5-2, with Michele for Jordan and Kevin for Natalie.
Also, America’s Favorite HG is Jeff. Now these two can take that Hawaii trip, start a family, learn to tell time or something. Well, I’m certainly happier about the return of that other geeky CBS comedy now that Big Brother‘s over and done with.
-Maria Gonzalez, BuddyTV Staff Columnist
(Image Courtesy of CBS)