Everything gets jumbled and rushed at the end of Big Brother, which means a special live Tuesday night episode featuring another eviction and the start of the three-part final HoH triathlon. I suspect, as always, the first two challenges will be difficult, and it will all come down to a quick five minute random trivia guessing game to decide who gets the final HoH.
If Big Brother has one flaw, this is it. After an intense summer of competition, the last couple of weeks come down to blind luck. Who can correctly guess what evicted HGs did after they left the house? Perhaps the finale will just be Julie asking the final two HGs to pick a number between 1 and 10, and whoever is closest wins it all.
Follow the HoH Competition Results>>
Julie reminds us that one member of each of the four original cliques remains. Oh, is that whole stupid clique thing still around? The “previously on” package ticks me off because everyone freaks out over Natalie’s nominations, which were the most pointless and meaningless nominations ever and had exactly zero relevance to the game. So stupid. The package ends with Kevin assaulting a mannequin.
Ugh, does no one understand that these nominations are completely pointless? Why are the final four all such giant freaking dumb-dumbs?
How bad are Natalie’s lies? Even Jordan sees through her bullcrap. Natalie tries to get Jordan to boot Michele if she wins PoV, which makes no sense since Natalie just claimed Kevin was her target this week. Natalie chats with Kevin and tells one truth and one lie. The lie is that she thinks Jordan will go along with this insanity to boot Michele, even though the only thing Jeff told her was to only trust Michele.
The truth was that, in the PoV competition, Jordan only counts as half a person, since physically and mentally, that’s really all she is. I still hate Natalie, but the girl is right: Jordan is a non-issue whenever you go into any competition.
Julie acts like it’s going to be live, but then we go to the pre-taped Veto competition. It’s a pretty complex challenge involving stacking blocks that solve clues about HGs and events in the house.
As you might expect, Jordan just kind of gives up because thinking makes her brain go “ouchie!” Michele psychs herself out, and then, as we all knew would happen, Kevin wins. I still become violently ill from revulsion. The two people I hate the most are guaranteed in the final two. Big Brother 11 has successfully proven that there is no God.
Kevin’s douchebag quotient is raised when he whines about how stressful it is having all the power. What, and being on the block is easy?
Julie asks Natalie a question, and she vows not to lie. She then adds that everything worked out just as planned with the PoV. So I guess she’s not even trying to keep up the appearance that Kevin was her target this week. Lying is great in this game, but Natalie’s lies are incredibly stupid and lame, so she fails, even if the monkey-brained morons in the house with her happen to be even stupider than she is.
After Kevin won the PoV, Natalie cheers and celebrates with him by drinking some alcohol. Yes, the “18-year-old” is drinking alcohol. How the eff does no one realize that she’s not 18?
Kevin considers betraying Natalie since he wouldn’t beat her in the end and saving Michele. If he does that, I will turn on a dime and love him and root for him to win. Michele makes 10,000 great reasons for why Kevin should save her and not Jordan, which means that if Kevin doesn’t do it, he’s a total moron who deserves to lose.
Once again, Kevin does a super-douchey lame fake-out when using the PoV on himself. Michele does an awful speech after putting some devil horns on. Come on, Michele, you’re better than that!
Kevin votes to evict…MICHELE!
Ugh. This season is God-awful. Then Kevin gets snippy after Michele leaves, which continues to show his ultimate douchiness. Honestly, I do not care who wins. I feel like I did when Evel Dick and his skankatron daughter made the final two, and it did not matter at all who won.
Right now, the best case scenario is that a mentally-challenged southern girl wins $500,000.
Final HoH Competition, Part 1!
Hold onto your key. It’s a simple endurance competition. And I’m actually surprised it’s going into overtime. With this trio of pathetic weaklings, I assumed two would fall off within two minutes after seeing a dragonfly, a pair of Gucci shoes, or a peach-tarine (half peach, half nectarine, but it tastes like a pomegranate).
We’re following the HoH competition all night, so click here for the results.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)