Usually there’s not that much excitement on a Tuesday episode of Big Brother. By this time in most weeks, we already know who played in the Power of Veto competition, who won it and whether it was used. But tonight, Big Brother 11 offers a very special treat, because tonight is the long-awaited night that Chima has the mother of all meltdowns and is booted from the Big Brother house.
It’s like Christmas and Hanukah all rolled into one, if only there was a cool name for such a made-up holiday. If only some adorable, comic book-loving nerd would come along and combine his parents’ different faiths into a hilarious pseudo-holiday. Maybe it would be Hanu-mas.
Tonight’s “previously on” ender? Dae Yum Yum! I kind of wish that magical unicorn could win this game.
After the nominations, Jessie’s Girls pout and cry about how unfair the world is, while the Sunshine Crew smiles because they finally have the power.
At night, Big Brother gives the HGs a practice Veto competition, which leads to Chima’s awesome metldown we’ve all been waiting for.
First, Chima doesn’t want to wear her microphone and throws it on the ground. The voice of Big Brother, or maybe God, orders her to put it back on. She ain’t having none of it, so her friends try to get her to calm down.
As the old saying goes, you can lead a bitch to water, but you can’t make her drink.
This segues into a montage of Chima blatantly ignoring the voice of Big Brother during the entire show, including her threat to drop “F” bombs like the Enola Gay if the Wizard used his power, thus leading to the tape delayed live eviction episode.
Back in the present, Chima doesn’t care. She takes her microphone and throws it into the hot tub, and then refuses to put a new one on. She pouts and whines, and then the big boss, executive producer Allison Grodner gets on the mic and begs Chima to go to the Diary Room. Chima does, and there, Allison shows Chima the door.
OK, it wasn’t exactly a crazy explosion of fury and rage, but it was still pretty cool to see Chima acting like the absolutely spoiled brat we all know she is.
That reminds me of another old saying: it is better that others think you’re a bitch than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
A few moments later, Grodner gets on the mic again, asks everyone to go to the living room, and announces that Chima was expelled for violating multiple rules and flagrantly disregarding the producers.
It’s awesome to see the woman behind the curtain, because in her voice, you can tell Grodner doesn’t have a clue how she’s going to resolve the fact that Chima was supposed to be in the jury, so she deflects any questions to the next day.
With Chima out, Natalie fills the empty super bitch slot by immediately blaming Michele for pushing Chima to her breaking point. Wow, really? You’re going to blame others for Chima acting like a spoiled child and ignoring the rules? Even unicorn-loving Lydia ain’t that stupid, acknowledging that this is 100 percent Chima’s fault.
Is it unfair that Jeff used the Coup d’Etat to nullify Chima’s HoH power? Yes. But this is a game show, not a courtroom, and fair don’t mean a thing. You don’t get to go on a TV show where you’re every word and action is recorded 24/7 and then whine about the fact that you have no control. Well, you can, but that would just make you a brat.
The next day, Michele informs the HGs that her reign as HoH is over and the remaining HGs will compete in another HoH competition.
New HoH Competition
Clearly the producers are are environmentalists, because the HoH competition is a mini golf course which is certainly just what the PoV competition was supposed to be.
But they’re keeping the same rules, because as you lose, you get a prize, and classic Nasty Santa rules apply, with the top prize being the HoH instead of the PoV.
1st Out: Lydia, who picks HoH. She seems sure that someone will eventually take it. Why ever would she think that?
2nd Out: Natalie (yippee!), who picks a Hawaiian vacation
3rd Out: Russell, who picks a call from home, which he exchanges for Natalie’s Hawaiian vacation. Natalie is very happy because she really wants the call, but Russell says he only did it to get the trip.
4th Out: Kevin, who picks $5,000, which he keeps
5th Out: Jeff, who purposefully throws the competition so Jordan can win. Aww, sweet. He picks a backyard spaand trades it with Russell.
New HoH: Jordan, who takes the HoH key and gives Lydia a red leotard and cape to wear for a week. Hahahaha!
As expected, Lydia also has a meltdown, calling Jordan a puppet ho and yelling about how awful it was what they did to Jessie and Chima. Wait, were’t you the one who WASN’T blaming them for Chima’s meltdown? I guess Chima’s craziness has spread to both Natalie and Lydia.
Lydia’s childish insanity goes bananas when she starts yelling and making mischief and begging to be evicted. Jeff doesn’t want to do it because they want Natalie out instead. Drunk Lydia is the funniest thing ever as she demands Jeff come and talk to her in the Diary Room.
Kevin hates being in the middle, because he’s smart enough to know that Jeff is totally right and his BFF Lydia is wrong. For some reason, evicting Jessie and Ronnie and getting Chima booted is a capital offense, but when they backdoored Braden and Casey, it was all good.
I’m sorry, but I need to say something here. I realize in every season viewers take sides. Some people loved Dick Donato, I hated him. That was a difference of opinion, and I am willing to acknowledge that people who liked Dick certainly had valid beliefs.
But this season, it is a pure objective fact that anyone who sides with Lydia, Natalie and Chima at this point is an idiot and completely wrong.
In this particular fight, Lydia is wrong, and that’s not my opinion, it’s an objective truth.
The episodes ends with some quick hits of exactly what you’d expect. Jordan gets her HoH room and cries, Lydia puts on the skintight Captain Unitard outfit and it’s amazingly stupid, and then Jordan gets to nominate the two remaining crazies, Lydia and Natalie.
The goal is to evict Natalie, which is very smart because that girl is scrappy. I almost feel bad that Natalie has been nominated three times in five days. Almost.
But still no word on how the jur is going to work? Without Chima, that’s six jurors, which can result in a tie. I’m guessing that, just to piss Lydia and Natalie off even more, the seventh member of the jury will be America.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)