Here are my rankings for the best and worst dances from the first week of Dancing with the Stars season 24. Also, check out my recap for this episode.

#24 Chris Kattan and Witney Carson

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “What Is Love” by Haddaway
Judges’ Scores: 5+4+4+4=17

#23 Chris and Witney’s Performance

Yikes. When it tried to be funny, it wasn’t funny. When it tried to be dancing, it wasn’t that either. This was simply terrible and, as Len Goodman said, the only good thing is that we never have to watch it again.

#22 Mr. T and Kym Johnson

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “Theme from The A-Team” by Mike Post, Pete Carpenter and the Daniel Caine Orchestra
Judges’ Scores: 5+5+5+5=20

#21 Mr. T and Kym Johnson’s Performance

There’s something endearing about Mr. T’s childlike personality, which helped save this routine from being a total waste. It barely qualifies as dancing since he just stood, punched the air and forgot all of his steps.

#20 Erika Jayne and Gleb Savchenko

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “XXPEN$IVE” by Erika Jayne
Judges’ Scores: 6+6+6+6=24

#19 Erika and Gleb’s Performance

These two tried being the sexy couple, but it just came across as incredibly desperate. Erika just doesn’t have the agility or skill to be a hot, young, sex dancer.

#18 Charo and Keo Motsepe

Dance: Salsa
Song: “Cuban Pete” by Mambo Companeros
Judges’ Scores: 6+5+5+5=21

#17 Charo and Keo’s Performance

The best compliment I can give Charo is that she wasn’t bad for a woman of her indeterminate age. And you can call her a lot of things, but boring is definitely not one of them.

#16 Nick Viall and Peta Murgatroyd

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “Let Me Love You” by DJ Snake and Tiësto featuring Justin Bieber
Judges’ Scores: 6+6+6+6=24

#15 Nick and Peta’s Performance

Being the best Bachelor in the ballroom is a low bar, and he passed it. He definitely showed some potential, but he’s still clunky and without any real fluidity. He clearly wants to do well, but the trick is not to look like you’re trying so hard.

#14 Bonner Bolton and Sharna Burgess

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “Move” by Luke Bryan
Judges’ Scores: 6+5+5+6=22

#13 Bonner and Sharna’s Performance

Some of the moves were a miss, but did you see those pelvic thrusts? That’s the kind of thing you can only learn on a bucking bronco and this guy definitely knows how to get people, especially straight women and gay men, excited.

#12 Normani Kordei and Val Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Quickstep
Song: “Good Time Good Life” by Erin Bowman
Judges’ Scores: 7+6+7+7=27

#11 Normani and Val’s Performance

Normani started the night with a very good routine. It wasn’t memorably good enough for me to still care about it by the end of the show, but it was fine.

#10 David Ross and Lindsay Arnold

Dance: Quickstep
Song: “Go Cubs Go” by Steve Goodman
Judges’ Scores: 7+7+7+7=28

#9 David and Lindsay’s Performance

The biggest surprise of the night has to be that this baseball catcher is light on his feet. It wasn’t perfect, but it was entertaining, moved along nicely and came out of left field.

#8 Nancy Kerrigan and Artem Chigvintsev

Dance: Viennese Waltz
Song: “She’s Always a Woman” by Billy Joel
Judges’ Scores: 7+7+7+7=28

#7 Nancy and Artem’s Performance

Classy and elegant, this is exactly the kind of routine I wanted to see from Nancy. Her arm extensions in particular are beautiful.

#6 Rashad Jennings and Emma Slater

Dance: Cha-Cha-Cha
Song: “24K Magic” by Bruno Mars
Judges’ Scores: 8+7+8+8=31

#5 Rashad and Emma’s Performance

Once again, the NFL player comes out with a ton of swagger and puts on a terrific show. He’ high energy and very exciting, but I’ll be curious to see whether he can adapt to the more restrained ballroom styles.

#4 Heather Morris and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Dance: Viennese Waltz
Song: “Make Something Beautiful” by Ben Rector
Judges’ Scores: 7+7+7+7=28

#3 Heather and Maksim’s Performance

I know she’s a professional dancer and it’s not fair, but I will try not to take that into account for these rankings. And as such, this was beautiful with great emotion and stunning fluidity. The way she moves is breathtaking and I expect to see her at or near the top of these rankings every week.

#2 Simone Biles and Sasha Farber

Dance: Tango
Song: “Untouchable” by Tritonal and Cash Cash
Judges’ Scores: 8+8+8+8=32

#1 Simone and Sasha’s Performance

Saving the best for last, Simone took a tough style for week 1 and delivered with athleticism and speed. Some people may complain that this is nothing new and we just saw Laurie Hernandez do the same thing, but I’m judging her on her own merits without taking that into consideration, and Simone was the best of the night.

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.