This week on Bachelor Pad, the tears and drinks are flowing from all over the place. This episode gets pretty annoying as the twins literally spend half the episode fighting. How the rest of the house kept their calm is beyond me. And Reid the Mastermind tries to get the votes his way again.

The Terrible Two

Brittany and Erica fight the way my sister and I fought … when we were 6 years old. Minus the booze. They fight, they cry, they’re in hysterics. I know the people in the house talk about getting married and having kids … well, they’re definitely getting a hard lesson in childish squabbles. The worst — or best? — part is that the twin-speak makes it difficult to understand them 90% of the time.

Twist and Twirl

The competition this week is rhythmic gymnastics, and it’s about as hilarious and embarrassing as you can imagine. There’s no shame here, folks. Only tight leotards, for all.

The men and women have to learn a routine in two hours, and then the men perform together and the women do as well. With the exception of Donna and Blakeley, the women are pathetically ungraceful, while the men try to win with charm: Chris Harrison calls it “stunningly beautiful.”

Erica Rose doesn’t even stick to the routine and starts doing random moves, which makes her stick out like a sore thumb, and is voted as the worst performer — and gets a vote against her for the second week in a row. But leave it to Kalon to make a remark about how bad the girls are by saying they should be good at shopping and gymnastics.

The guys look a tiny bit less ridiculous while wearing tight leotards. I don’t really think it matters what any one of them did because everyone’s eyes are probably focused elsewhere … but the judges say Ed could’ve smiled more and they give him the vote as the worst guy performer.

As for the two best: Blakeley and Stags get the nods, which means they get a rose and get to pick three each to go on dates with and give a rose to someone there.

Three — No, Four — Is a Crowd

As if we weren’t reminded a thousand times that Stags is the love of Donna’s life, we’re reminded yet again. And Stags picks her, Rachel and Lindzi to go on his date. It’s supposed to be a concert, but it’s kind of sad because there aren’t that many people. And the whole thing looks so forced, and I hate these parts of the show … until Rachel and Stags really get into their dancing and start making out like they’re the only two in the room. They’re literally in front of the rest of the crowd saying “Watch us!”

Meanwhile, Donna is shaking her head and throwing them dirty looks since she has just danced with Stags. But while Rachel and Stags seem like there’s genuine chemistry, Donna just comes off as “the fan.” Seriously, she talks more off camera than she ever does on camera, and at this point, all I see in HER eyes is her imaginary future life with Stags. Not only is she hopelessly in love, she’s desperate and shows Stags the photo she drew of him. Because nothing says I love you than showing your longtime crush the drawing you did of him. It’s like watching a train wreck because you know nothing good is going to come out of this.

Stags ends up giving his rose to Rachel, and Donna is heartbroken. But at least she does get a good makeout session with him. Here’s hoping she does go the crazy jealous route.

Lindzi’s on the date too, apparently. Could’ve fooled me.

Nothing Says Love Like Flossing

It’s Jamie’s birthday and her partner, Ryan — seriously, can we say his name without mentioning the fact that he’s a 32-year-old virgin? I mean, he does it too. Anyway, not only does he bake her a cake, he gets her balloons and writes out a birthday message in Twizzlers and gets sushi. And at this point, I’ve pretty much fallen in love with him.

But to Jamie, it’s a complete turn off and his interest seems to be creeping her out. Plus, her eyes are on Chris. I mean, she even FLOSSED for him?! That’s real love.

Unfortunately, her pearly whites are behind a frown because she catches Chris in Blakeley’s bed. Are those tears real? Is she really THAT upset? Don’t cry, go fight for your man! Even though you’ve only made out with him, what, twice?

But Chris is doing all of this in hopes of getting the rose.

Chris Gets Cocky

Blakeley considers taking David to the date to be nice, and Chris is appalled. I’m not totally sure what I think about Chris’ game so far. He’s definitely turning into the love him or hate him guy of the season that we were expecting Kalon to be. But with Jamie and Blakeley both throwing themselves at him for his attention, he’s playing with fire, and I don’t want him to get burned.

But then his hatred over David and his arrogance over wanting to have all the power in the house is a turn-off. It makes him come across as a money-hungry jerk — I can see the dollar signs in his eyes. Is it that difficult to maintain some sort of decency here? No? Yeah, it’s wishful thinking.

The following day, Blakeley takes Chris, David and Ed on her date, which is a soapbox contest. Great — let’s have the guys not only all fighting for a rose but this contest as well because a trophy is at stake. It’s hilarious that Chris names his little car “Bliss” for Blakeley and Chris when their partnership is anything but that, because she’s driving him nuts with her aggressiveness. But with what he’s up to, I say, girl, go for it. YOU wear the pants in the relationship and show HIM who’s boss!

David is, of course, the underdog and really, really wants to win. And a part of me wants him to win too and show up Chris. But David does not win. He doesn’t even come close. He finishes last. Yes, BLAKELEY finishes before him. He has been hoping he could show he deserves to be there by winning the race. Even though he loses badly, he has something else up his sleeve.

And that’s empathy. He reaches out to Blakeley and puts himself out there — that they both have the “outsider” thing in common from her season. It’s a good pitch, but it doesn’t work because Blakeley gives a rose to Chris.

Drunk — And Out

With the house all back together, they get completely smashed. Two of the women are making out — I didn’t catch who — Dave is making out with one of the twins, Jaclyn’s hanging all over Ed, who is the most drunk (shocker!) with his trophy, Lindzi and Kalon are in bed together. Sarah is embarrassed she isn’t paired up with someone and then takes her bikini top off and jumps in the pool with Ed, and then later they hook up. And they aren’t quiet about it. Ed is SO loud that it all sounds fake. Please make it stop.

When it finally does, the twins are in an all out war against each other. They’re bickering, crying and screaming all through the night. They threaten to leave the game — and they do! They’re fighting all the way into the car and while they take off. At this point, I’m so fed up with them, and fed up with everyone talking about how fed up they are that I’m not even shocked that they’re out. They were on the self-destructive path, and it’s not like they were going to be saved anyway.

Reid’s Desperate Rally

The next morning, it looks like David is the last to find out they’ve left the game. This is funny because one of the twins does try to wake David up to say goodbye and it seems like he is awake but he must’ve been really out of it. I don’t know how he slept through it because it woke everyone else up.

Wait, what was that? Two seconds of peace and quiet?

Because the twins left, the women are all safe. Erica Rose breathes a huge sigh of relief. Before votes, things happen so fast. All along, who wasn’t thinking to get David out? But the unpredictable happens! Kalon decides Ryan is his worst enemy and works his magic to try and get Lindzi and her girls to vote him out.

Meanwhile, Reid tries to rally up the troops for the second week in a row, with the target this time being Ed. He somehow convinces Sarah to vote for him, and she does. When she realizes she just tried to get out the guy she hooked up with and actually liked hanging out with, she starts bawling. But not before telling Ed, who I believe this will serve as a wakeup call. It looked like he was just there to have a good time, get wasted and hook up. But having the real threat of going home may actually end up helping him.

Here’s how the roses are handed out:


And Ryan, the 32-year-old virgin, goes home! Kalon may not be on screen much, but his work is deadly in the brief time he is.

Esther Gim
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of ABC)

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Esther Gim

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV