Spectacular. Riveting. Incredible. These words describe the Olympics, which you should watch instead of this week’s Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Its storylines about Rob’s hair loss, Lamar’s poor oral hygiene and Bruce and Kris fighting (again) may induce boredom-related comas.

Todd Waterman Under the Bridge

Last week, Kris snuck around Bruce’s back and met with Todd Waterman, her previous marriage’s homewrecker. Todd comes off as a complete scumbag. After declaring his undying love for her and creepy repeated offers of booze, Kris lets him know she’s not interested. With access to a telescope, this could be seen coming from 1 million light years away.

Kris returns home to wake Bruce up in the middle of the night. After telling of her rendezvous, Bruce becomes absolutely livid. What an irrational response to someone who just lied to you.

Kim Makes Fun of Rob’s Hair and Makes Him Worry Over Hair Loss

No, seriously. That’s about it. Major portions of this episode revolve around Rob worrying he may go bald. Seriously, the guy has an existential crisis which would make Camus jealous over hair loss. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

Lamar Hates Dentists But Will See One Anyway

At least, I think that’s what happens. Kim states she has a “sixth sense” that smells cavities, and I become clinically brain dead and can’t comprehend what’s happening. Apparently, smell is an extra sense now, people. Take note.

Liar, Liar

Since no one believes nothing happened between Kris and Todd, the Kardashian sisters force their mother to take a lie detector test. Perfect solution — it’s not like they’re unbelievably inaccurate. That’s no excuse for Bruce when her results show she’s still in love with Todd. Their fighting continues.

A Brief List of Uninteresting Things

  • Rob spending thousands of dollars on hair renewal products. 
  • Ordering toenail trimmings by size.
  • Kourtney, Kim and Khloe buying a vacation in Miami for their parents.
  • Facebook updates stating a friend worked out today.
  • Rob realizing hair loss isn’t a big deal after a talk with Lamar.
  • Waiting in line for airport security.

“At Least the Ending Was Good,” Said No One, Anywhere

Like every episode, Bruce and Kris make up. This week’s cure is an old photo album showing them in their happier days. Too bad they’re so unhappy at present.

This episode feels incredibly tired and completely phoned in. It’s an unfortunate addition to a wildly uneven series. Tuning in every week feels like a gamble at this point, never knowing whether we’ll watch something decent or deplorable. Are you still watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians? Comment and let me know why.

Daniel Mikelonis
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of E!)

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Daniel Mikelonis

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV