We are nearing the end of our journey with the Bachelor and Bachelorette rejects hopeful singles.
It’s obvious that Marcus and Lacy have made a solid love connection, but with only two weeks left, will anyone else be able to?
With a few of the “couples” on shaky ground, two gentlemen arrive to mix it up in this week’s installment of Bachelor in Paradise.
But first, let’s get back to our couples as they toast with champagne following a surprising rose ceremony.
Still living it up in paradise are: Cody and Michelle, Robert and Sarah, Marcus and Lacy, Zack and Jackie, Jesse and Christy, and Graham and AshLee.
Michelle informs us that just before the rose ceremony, Cody told her that he loves her. Red flag, hello! They’ve known each other for a week.
Is this Cody’s first time at the relationship rodeo? He’s acting like Clare. Or AshLee. Get a grip, man.
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Marcus and Lacy
The golden couple receives the first date card, and Team Bachelor doesn’t even try to act like they aren’t practically married. The date card tells Marcus to “choose a Lacy” to accompany him on the date.
The date takes Marcus and Lacy to a cave-swimming adventure complete with bats, stalagmites and stalactites. (Thank you, off-screen crew member, for giving Lacy the impromptu science lesson.)
Marcus is waiting for Lacy to say “I love you” back to him because he doesn’t want another Andi situation on his hands. He doesn’t have to wait long as Lacy coos that she is falling in love with him in her baby voice.
Robert and Sarah smooch in the ocean, as their relationship blossoms at the normal rate.
Cody and Michelle’s relationship, on the other hand, is blossoming at a superhuman speed. It is propelled along by Cody’s superhuman muscles, I guess.
Michelle cries to Jesse (really? him?) that she is so overwhelmed by Cody’s emotions and she doesn’t know if she can see him as a long-term boyfriend.
Brooks Causes Waves
The studly Brooks (from Desiree’s season of The Bachelorette) walks onto the beach with a date card.
Despite the fact that she was literally making out with Robert minutes ago, Sarah starts freaking out because Brooks is her crush. Like, she came here for Brooks, guys.
She is dying for him to ask her on the date, which seems unlikely when Robert puts his arms around her as Brooks scans the group for a potential love connection.
It seems even more unlikely that she will get asked after Robert takes Brooks aside to tell him that “If you pick Sarah, I will kill you.”
This is unfortunate because Brooks actually did want to choose Sarah. Apparently, he hit it off with her when they met at an After the Final Rose taping.
Sarah is crushed when Brooks asks Jackie to go on the date with him, but really, she’s pretty much the only one not in a solid relationship.
“I’m seeing Robert become more and more territorial over me, which I love, but at the same time I’m going crazy thinking about Brooks,” confesses Sarah.
Brooks and Jackie
Jackie is wearing a hippie-style headband that has possibly been passed throughout the house from Lucy to AshLee and now to Jackie.
Brooks and Jackie go out to eat, and Jackie is impressed that Brooks orders their food in Spanish.
Their date goes well. Brooks can’t stop staring at the “cute” Jackie. Jackie thinks Brooks is handsome, but feels a bit torn about accepting Zack’s rose just a day ago.
They play a game of foosball at the restaurant, and Brooks sets the stakes: “If I win, I get a kiss at the end of the date,” he says. “And if you win, you let me kiss you at the end of the date.”
“I don’t normally kiss on the first date,” Jackie counters.
“Just on the lips,” explains Brooks. “Not on the cheek. Just the lips!”
I forget how funny Brooks was. Or maybe Desiree sucked all the fun out of him on her boring season of The Bachelorette.
They return from the date and Zack is jealous that Jackie spent time with Brooks.
Roller Coaster of Love
Sarah decides that the best thing for her to do is to break up with Robert because she really came here for Brooks.
She stops in her room on her way to go dump Robert but finds a note on the bed. It’s from Robert. Just in time, buddy!
The letter says how amazing Sarah is and how Robert has loved spending time with her. Aww! Well, she can’t break up with him now!
Robert’s note successfully melts Sarah’s heart and she decides that she will stay with him after all. She finds him on the beach and they discuss continuing their relationship in the real world, post-paradise.
Speaking of breaking up, Michelle has a talk with Cody. She tells him that she is scared by his forwardness.
Cody knows he’s scary, but he just can’t help it! For some reason, though, Michelle also changes her mind and decides to give it another go with Cody. She hopes that they can “back it up” and create a strong foundation before Cody inevitably proposes at the reunion show. (Sidenote: is there a BiP reunion show? There better be!)
Over in Delusionville, Christy is bragging about how any girl would be lucky to have Jesse as a boyfriend. “He’s just such a good guy,” she says.
Michelle corners Christy to tell her that Jesse has been running his mouth about hooking up with both Lucy and Christy.
This information makes Christy want to leave because she feels there is no one here for her.
Tasos Shows Up
Enter Tasos! Personally, I thought Tasos was kind of lame in Andi’s season, but the love-starved ladies think he’s looking pretty nice.
Tasos asks to speak with Michelle, and Cody starts to freak out, Incredible Hulk-style.
“At this point, if Tasos asks Michelle out on a date, I’m pretty sure Cody will eat Tasos,” says Graham.
No worries, Cody! He was just asking Michelle for advice. Michelle suggests Tasos take Christy on the date, and he obliges.
Tasos and Christy
The duo floats down a lazy river. It’s clearly a bit awkward between these two, as Christy doesn’t know how to react to being treated like a lady.
Tasos expresses that he would like to kiss her, just as we hear Christy in her confessional say that she doesn’t want to rush the physical part like she did with Jesse.
Competing for Jackie
Jackie is in hot demand from both Brooks and Zack. She plays horse on the beach with Brooks as Zack sits and watches like a creeper.
Another date card arrives. It’s for Zack because (duh) he’s one of the people who isn’t set in a relationship yet. Of course, he’s going to get the card. And, of course, he asks Jackie.
AshLee throws a mini-tantrum because she just feels so bad that Graham didn’t get the date card. “He deserves it,” she says. “He’s the best catch here, let’s face it.” Or the stupidest catch, if he’s with you.
Zack and Jackie
It’s yet another cave-swimming date. Whereas I would have been freaked out to swim in a bat-filled cave in the dark, Jackie claims that this is the most amazing date she’s been on yet.
Zack says it’s the most comfortable first date he’s ever been on, probably because Jackie hasn’t told him she wants to be exclusive on day two like Clare did.
They kiss in the cave and Zack says he’s never had a first kiss like that. Ouch. Just keep plunging that knife into Clare’s back, why don’t you?
Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
I just love when the ladies have the power. Watching Jesse the Sleazeball squirm because he knows he’s on the chopping block? Priceless.
I don’t want to see Brooks go home yet, but it’s looking like Jackie will choose Zack. Bummer that Brooks came in so late. That’s just the nature of the beast that is Bachelor in Paradise, I guess.
Zack gives Jackie a lame bracelet that he hopes will guarantee him a rose. Ugh, come on.
Brooks does a gag where he paints her nails. Jackie admits that Brooks makes her laugh constantly.
It’s pretty obvious that Christy is going to give Tasos the rose. Jesse does some last-ditch campaigning for himself, but Christy’s not buying it.
She tells Jesse that she doesn’t want their relationship to go any further. Once Jesse realizes that he will not be getting a rose from anyone, he makes a big speech about how he’s leaving now because he’s accomplished all he wanted to accomplish here.
Jesse is about to escape in the limo when Christy (encouraged by Michelle and Lacy) opens the door to tell him off. She tries her mightiest, but goodness, she is just not good with her words.
Lacy and Michelle try to help her out, and Jesse just sits there and takes it. That was the lamest confrontation ever.
Jesse does not care about any of this, as he tells the camera that he’s sure that he will have “60 e-mails with names and numbers” of people wanting to hang out with him when he gets home.
It’s time to give roses out. Only one gentleman will be going home, since Jesse has already opted out of the ceremony.
Lacy gives her rose to Marcus. AshLee gives her rose to Graham.
Sarah gives her rose to Robert. Michelle gives her rose to Cody.
Christy gives her rose to Tasos.
And for the final rose, Jackie gives hers to Zack. Bye, Brooks!
The gang toasts to finding love in paradise, as Brooks feels sorry for himself on his limo ride out.
The Bachelor in Paradise season 1 finale airs next Monday night at 8pm on ABC.
(Image courtesy of ABC)