What horrors does the Season Finale of America’s Got Talent have in store for us tonight? Thankfully, the show is only one hour long, but tomorrow night’s results show is inexplicably 2 hours long. Gotta make room for Justin Bieber and the “worst of auditions” compilation piece, I suppose. Nick Cannon wore a tux for tonight! That was cute of him.

I thought the contestants might get more than a minute and a half for their final performances, but no, we have to fill the hour with a lot of dumb baloney and less actual talent. Plus, I’m worried for the Olate Dogs … I don’t want them to get too tired.

David Garibaldi and His CMYKs are up first. This time they did something really cool. In addition to painting “CMYK,” they made one face (someone from KISS?) then spun it upside down and it was Albert Einstein! Brilliant. I love that. Howard liked it, and so did Sharon and Howie, even though they’re not ready to commit to anything other than AGT being spectacular right now.

It’s pretty cool that there’s no way a singer will win this year. The closest thing might be comedian Tom Cotter. America seems to love him. Tonight’s topic, courtesy of the “comedy cube,” is Poor Examples. I appreciate that this set came out against sexual assault, at the very least. The judges and audience rose to their feet. Howie places Tom at “the top,” whatever that means. Howard admits that he is always wanting more, especially from a 90 second set, and I’d at least agree with that. Sharon wants to see him with a drink in his hand/stomach. I’m proud of Tom Cotter for making it so far. Hooray for comedy!

The Untouchables perform next–can they outdo what they did last week with the crying and the quick-change? And they only have a week for rehearsals! They’re doing a Tina Turner tribute this time? A Cha Cha? A ChaCha DiGregorio? They used the giant sheet to do a few little magics here and there, but overall I don’t know that it was as thrilling or dynamic as last week’s performance. Still, it’s immense! Howie agrees. Howard’s mental image of these kids running around with a million dollars is a terrifying one, and certainly one to heed when voting.

The fourth finalist is Joe Castillo, sand picture artist and humanitarian. Tonight, Joe is doing a tribute to the show that has changed his life: America’s Got Talent. So he started with a weak-looking Nick Cannon, then changed him into Howie Mandel, then created Sharon with her heart hands, then that turned into Howard. We all knew this day would come, and that eventually someone would make Howard out of sand. I like that he had Howard wearing the beret at the end. Was it up to snuff with the other acts? I don’t know. 

Please don’t close the show with William Close, predicted winner of Season 7. Please let the dogs finish this one out! Yes! William Close performs fifth, with the Earth Heart Collective. He has been working on this symphony for a long time. Maybe his life? Whatever, I’m too excited about the dogs. And really, William Close? You’re going to close it out with Pachelbel’s Canon and America the Beautiful? It’s not my cup of tea, this one, but people really seem to like it and I bet it’s really neat live. The judges crapped themselves over it.

The dogs! Olate Dogs! I’m so happy they are last to perform, and the only animal act ever to make the finals. Oh my god I’m so delighted. We love these guys. HAHAHA the dog came out in a little car! And a tux! You go, tuxedo dogs! I love that little dog that pretends to run away and be naughty! Oh my god then one pushed one on top of a wheel. And Sharon got to hold one at the end! Nooooooo it’s too cute.

So who will win it all? I feel, for some reason, like it will go to William Close. But who knows? You can never underestimate the power of cute dogs.

(images courtesy of NBC)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).