Fun, fun, fun, fun, lookin’ forward to the weekend? Well, it’s Friday, and in honor of so-bad-it’s-still-bad YouTube sensation Rebecca Black, listening to this girl say “way-ho,” and Karen Rodriguez’s exit from the show, we’re putting together a list of ten songs (or types of songs) this season’s contestants should never sing.
My personal theory is that Karen’s song choices did her in. Is it her fault? The theme’s fault? We may never know. Even more confusing still, Naima Adedapo has picked mostly awful songs to sing and is still in this. So, let’s pick 10, shall we?
1. Repetitive Anthems, like “Boom Boom Pow” by The Black Eyed Peas. I should note that while a Fergie song might be okay to sing, a BEP song is pretty much never okay. It’s a lot of repetitive singing/yelling and it could either get boring, or wear the contestant out from all the jumping.
2. Sexy Dance Songs, like “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira. Shakira has a very specific vocal quality, one that shouldn’t be trifled with. On top of that, if you’re attempting this song, you better shake the sh*t out of your hips.
3. Just Straight Up Garbage, like “Good Girls Go Bad” by Cobra Starship ft. Leighton Meester. Yes, it features Leighton Meester, and while some artists could improve it, this song should not be touched by a singing competition. In NBC’s The Sing-Off, an acapella group called Pitch Slapped proved that. Still, if it’s garbage, why have I listened to it three times consecutively just today?
4. Songs About Adversity Originally Sung by Tweens, like “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. This is a favorite of American Idol contestants past and it’s got to stop. Miley doesn’t even sing the song well live. Remember when she was a mentor? I still love Miley Cyrus, though, and nothing will change that.
5. Songs From the “Emo” Category, like “I Don’t Wanna Be in Love” by Good Charlotte. This song has, at best, seven notes, and it’s just not good.
6. Songs from Disney Movies Masquerading as Real Singles, like “Colors of the Wind” by Vanessa Williams (Pocahontas). Thia Megia already sang “Colors of the Wind” and, to be fair, her studio version is much better, but even Thia didn’t seem to like the song. If you sing a song like this, or even “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” (Elton John), we’re just going to be thinking about how bad we wish we were watching the corresponding movie instead.
7. Specific, Legendary Songs, like “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. On anyone else, this would have been an even bigger misstep and Casey is lucky he can take risks like that and get away with it. Still, in the end, it was more of an impression than a performance, and a bad one. Sound-alikes be gone.
8. Songs That Have Already Been Mastered or Done to Death, like “Summertime” and “Hallelujah.” Summertime belongs to Fantasia Barrino, and Hallelujah is so good that even Tim Urban can do well with it. No more!
9. Heavily Auto-Tuned Music, like anything by Ke$ha. Not that anyone would even consider, or be allowed to consider a Ke$ha song. But she did perform on Idol! As we’ve learned from selections from the Rihanna song book (and Jordan Dorsey’s “OMG”), a song that relies heavily on auto-tune won’t translate very well to a live performance.
10. Boring or Overwraught Ballads, like “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. This song can touch us one time and last for a lifetime, so there’s no need to keep reminding us that it exists.
For extra Friday Fun, imagine Scotty McCreery singing all of these songs. His version of “We R Who We R” will be stuck in my head all weekend.
What songs do YOU think should be prohibited?
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(images courtesy of FOX)