'Big Brother 12' Recap: Why I Hate Rachel and Love Melorheostosis
'Big Brother 12' Recap: Why I Hate Rachel and Love Melorheostosis
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
There are few things I hate more on Big Brother than people who are highly illogical. Despite claiming that she's a chemist and that she's a serious game player, Rachel's words and deeds in this episode are so extraordinarily dumb that I want to airdrop into the Big Brother 12 house, become a contestant on this season and win HoH just so that I could personally evict her.

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Rachel is quickly becoming one of the most annoying and frustratingly stupid HGs ever. It's reached the point where I enjoy other HGs I would normally hate based solely on how much they mock Rachel.

Why I Love Monet

After getting nominated, Monet proceeds to say the following three sentences in succession without irony:

"I've never said one bad thing about [Rachel]. Well, I've never said one bad thing to her. She's a stupid hooker."

That's followed by a scene where Monet and Britney cackle about how Rachel is super jealous of Monet because Rachel is a skanky stripper who has STDs. It's classless and so tacky, but since I've decided to hate Rachel, I kind of love how mean they are to her behind her back..

Why I Hate Rachel

As bad as the mean girls are, Rachel is even worse. After sitting down with a crying Britney, Rachel cries to Brendon about how she's a horrible person because she made Britney cry and she hates herself now. I have two theories on this.

1) Rachel is a super genius and her entire relationship with Brendon is fake, which would make her the greatest actress ever.

2) Despite claiming that she's a serious game player, Rachel is actually a terrible HG who doesn't understand that Big Brother is a game and that she can't get so damn emotional over necessary things like nominating two people when you're the HoH.

Why I Love Matt
   
In the most hilariously absurd strategy ever, Matt tells everyone that his wife has a very rare bone disease called Melorheostosis. She doesn't, but he appears to succeed in making everyone believe that he's only playing Big Brother 12 to win enough money to pay for her surgery. I think he got this idea from a cheesey '80s movie.

It's so freaking stupid, but the HGs seem gullible enough, except for Andrew, who's actually a doctor. However, he suspects that it's a fake disease because he's never heard of it. It totally is a real disease, so he's clearly not the guy to go to if you have Melorheostosis.

Why I Hate Brendon

In the Power of Veto competition, the six HGs must hold a briefcase and drop it as close to one hour without going over. The logical strategy if Brendon and Rachel really wanted to stop the nominees from winning would be something contestants on The Price is Right have been doing for years.

Once one of the nominees drops their briefcase, Brendon should drop his immediately after. Then when the other drops, Rachel should drop immediately after again. Much like bidding one dollar over the previous contestant on The Price is Right, this would effectively box out Monet and Britney.

Instead, they screw it all up and Britney wins because everyone else goes over the hour, Enzo by just 14 seconds. This was completely avoidable if Brendon and Rachel had just used their science brains for once.

Why I REALLY Hate Rachel

After the PoV, Monet and Britney suggest Andrew go up as the replacement nominee. Rachel chats with Brendon and believes that if she does this, the mean girls will not target her and Brendon next week.

That's really stupid.

Also stupid is Matt offering himself up as a pawn (which, objectively speaking, is the right move for Rachel to make). But Rachel gets so suspicious that she doesn't trust Matt so much that she doesn't want to give him what he wants, which is nominating him.

If that made no sense to you, it's because it makes no sense to anyone in any universe. Rachel would rather risk the safety of an ally than offend an enemy. She's so frustratingly idiotic that even Brendon has to walk away from her.

In the end, she does decide to nominate Matt as a pawn, mostly due to a very, very long HoH room session with Rachel, Brendon, Hayden, Kristen, Kathy and Ragan that isn't shown where everyone had to scratch and claw to convince Rachel that she was being a total moron to even consider nominating Andrew.


(Image courtesy of CBS)

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