The title of this week's America's Next Top Model pretty much gives away the punch line of the whole episode. The title is "The Girl Who Got Five Frames." Predictably, Lenox pulled herself from the bottom to the top. After two second-place photos and then a disgraceful score of 1 last week, Lenox walked away from panel with the first photo and the keys to the Tyra suite.
Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Last week, Romeo got disqualified
for literally getting all up in Adam's face, and Lenox got the lowest sore in ANTM
history -- a 1 -- for giving up instead of working it out when it came to being vampy for the camera. By all rights, that girl should have been sent packing. But, surprise, surprise, Tyra Banks pulled Lenox's fanny out of the fire and allowed her to stay in the competition since they were already one model short because of Romeo.
So why did they really let her stay? Was it because she's been number two in call-outs twice? Or, more likely, is it that America's Next Top Model has contracted with The CW for a certain number of episodes and they have to produce them? So unless they want to come up with an original filler real fast, they have to have enough models to get them through 11 more episodes. Am I saying she doesn't deserve to stay? No. I didn't think her performance last week merited a 1, but I don't see the magic those judges do either. I'm a muggle and they are wizards, so I trust their judgement.
Mirjana Plays Kiss and (Don't) Tell
Mirjana reveals that she really hasn't broken up with her boyfriend yet, even though she's playing kissy face with Denzel. Last week, she told Tyra (and the world) that she's now dating Denzel, so we all thought Mr. Mirjana had already been informed. Whoops. "Maybe I'll just write him a letter," she says. That's called a "Dear John letter," by the way. Wow.
You know what, though? There's something about this girl that makes me think she hasn't always had it easy with the men in her life. She shared during one of her journal videos that her boyfriend was unsupportive of her modeling and, quite frankly, the guy sounds like a bit of a douche. So when Mirjana says tonight that she's never been this happy in a relationship with a man, I'm happy for her.
When the cycle began, I picked Mirjana as one of my favorites and I still believe she's one beautiful girl, but her lack of focus and her attraction to drama could undermine her modeling. We'll see what happens.
All Aboard the Pony Express
This week's challenge is played out at a place called Quixote, which surely refers back to Cervantes' Don Quixote, the fantastical nobleman who set out on a campaign to revive chivalry and ended up in a duel with some windmills. Don Quixote was a dreamer. What better place to have the day's photo shoot than among dreamers?
Everyone's getting hair weaves and extensions and they will be taking a slow-motion photo shoot. Mossimo Campana is the photographer on deck and we're off to hair and makeup.
Yu Tsai calls Adam his problem child, but admits he's improving every week. Ben's lion mane looks absolutely ludicrous and Yu says the camera does't believe he's a model. Of course, Shei looks like a pro when she steps into the wind tunnel. Lenox, being punished by only getting five takes for being a quitter during all of last week's activities, starts her shoot and then has a little breakdown. Poor kid. But, hey, this is modeling, girl. You gotta buck up and get the job done. Yu has a soft spot for Lenox, so we get to see him giving her a really sweet pep talk. Sometimes you just gotta have a good cry, he says, and he ain't wrong. Okay, Yu, you just melted my heart.
Raelia is Da Bomb
Then we have Raelia. Now, Raelia is da bomb, for real. She is the only woman who has a chance against the men in this competition. She's got beautiful bone structure and gorgeous, silky milk chocolate skin without a single flaw. To top it all off, she's built like a brick outhouse and she knows how to work that booty. Mmmmmm, mmmmm, mmmm.
The still shots for the episode show Raelia dressed up for the wind tunnel hair extension shoot and, I kid you not, when I first saw them I thought she was Tyra. Sometimes Tyra gets in there and has her photo taken to show the kids how it's done, so I plead just cause for making that mistake. It wasn't until the photo shoot came up in the episode that I realized it was actually Raelia. That's when my jaw hit the floor. What will be interesting to see is if the judges make a comment about it and what Tyra's reaction will be.
Nick Cannon is Powered by Monster
Is it my birthday? It must be my birthday if the sweet, sweet face of Nick Cannon is already back on my screen not five nights after the America's Got Talent season 9 finale
. Mr. Cannon is on set with America's Next Top Model
and everyone is swooning, boys and girls alike. In his video journal, Denzel falls all over himself about how lucky Nick is to be married to Mariah Carey. In her video journal, Mirjana gets gushy over how lucky Mariah Carey is to be married to Nick.
Fortunately, no one is saying this out loud to Nick because, um, it would be hella awkward since the two are divorcing -- so say the most recent tabloids. I myself stay away from tabloids; celebrities' personal lives are none of my business and I try not to read anything that doesn't have to do with the shows I write about other than the shows themselves, but if something's on the front cover of a magazine at the grocery store, one can't help but notice the headlines.
Nick wants teams of models to stage and create panoramic photos wearing his new line of headphones which he calls Powered by Monster. The winning team's photo will be featured in Nick's ad campaign. These Powered by Monster headphones actually look really cool. Even if they stink as a product (which I'm sure they don't), they'll make a really attractive accessory.
Team Lenox Takes the Prize
Lenox, Adam and Ben are team captains and they are all given tablets to use as cameras and the teams split up. Teams are as follows: 1) Kari, Matthew and Lenox; 2) Ben, Will, Shei and Keith; 3) Raelia, Adam, Mirjana and Denzel. Though all three panoramic images come out looking kinda
like hot messes unprofessional, Nick has to choose one. As he does, he looks like he's trying not to throw up a little bit in his mouth. He chooses Team Lenox. What? Their photo, you have to admit, really focused in on the Powered by Monster headphones, so it makes sense. Does this mean all three get the Tyra suite, or is that going to go to whoever gets first call-out for their photo shoot this week?
Lenox. Well, why else would they name the episode after her? Of course, she took first place. Eye intensity. Kelly says there's some freakiness in the shot and she likes it. Tyra gives her a little chat about expecting the unexpected ... and gives her a freaking 10!
Mirjana. This girl showed up to panel channeling Audrey Hepburn in a flattering solid black waist-nipped chemise and pencil pants topped off with a flirty little hat. The combination gave me chills. Miss J. says she's totally fierce. Tyra loves Mirjana's face control, and Miss J. pretty much says she looks like she's in a commercial for Smize shampoo.
Raelia. The judges make cat calls while Mirjana's slow-motion film plays on the screen. Kelly says she looks absolutely gorgeous and she ain't wrong. Tyra doesn't make any comments, but gives her a score of 9. Before letting Raelia leave the hot spot, Miss J. coaches her on slowing down her speech so people can understand her. I hope she heeds Miss J.'s advice. She could go far in this competition.
Kari. Ice princess. Kelly says she doesn't read like a model. Tyra gave her a 9, but with social media scores Kari still lands in the bottom three.
Keith. Kelly says there's nothing amazing about his photo; he just looks like a tough dude and a one-trick pony. Tyra, always the consummate Keith fan, says that if nothing else Keith is a horse that many people would like to ride. Getting a little frisky, are we, Tyra? I thought he looked like he had a horse's tail on his head.
Ben. Incomplete whip. Kelly says he looks like a drag bar owner in the Flintstone, whatever the heck that means. "It's prehistorically horrible for me to look at," she says. Well, it was really bad. So Ben is sent home, which is fine because there's always America's Got Talent. Then again, nah. Goodbye, Ben.
And then there were 10.
Mark your calendars, ANTM Smizers; America's Next Top Model moves to Fridays starting next week at 9pm on The CW.
(Image courtesy of The CW)