It’s a special Friday episode of Big Brother 16! And by “special,” I mean a clip show in which the Hitmen and Victoria (aka the three least charismatic and compelling characters of the season) talk about everything that happened. How much more fun would this be if it was the jury house reminiscing, with Zach, Donny, Jocasta, Hayden, Nicole, Christine, Frankie and Caleb looking back at the summer?
Anyway, here are the “highlights” of one of the most boring and predictable seasons of Big Brother ever.
The Final 3
After Caleb is evicted, Derrick is happy that he has his closest ally (Cody) and best friend (Victoria) with him and they’ll both take him to the end. Cody knows the Hitmen are for real but Victoria believes her brother/sister friendship with Derrick is more important. She’s one of those people who plays the game personally and assumes Derrick would take her just because he likes her, even though she admits that their “Final 2” deal doesn’t have a name.
The Bomb Squad: I know Derrick has talked trash about this alliance since the beginning and says it died in week 2, but that’s just a lie. Sure, they cut Devin and Amber, but they worked together every single week and refused to actually work with anyone else, like Hayden, Nicole and Donny. When people in the Bomb Squad were evicted, it was other members who did it.
Crazy Devin: Ah, remember when Devin brought Amber and Christine into the Bomb Squad without consulting anyone? Or when he cried about his daughter at the house meeting to apologize to Donny? Sweet Jesus, that dude was insane and truly the worst player ever.
Lonely Donny: There’s a montage of new footage showing Donny hanging out by himself all day long because all the other HGs were vampires who slept the day away and stayed up all night.
Haycole and Zankie: There’s more of Hayden and Nicole’s adorably awkward and dorky flirtation. And a lot more of Zach and Frankie’s “not gay” relationship that was far more physical and sexual than Haycole ever were in the house (minus the one make-out session).
Atomic Wedgie: We get a new scene of Nicole giving Zach a massive wedgie, ripping his shorts. Zach was so much fun. He was perfect for the live feeds, and his eviction is the reason the live feeds have been so boring lately.
Victoria in Competitions: Victoria asks the Hitmen what her best moment was. Cody obviously can’t think of an actual answer, so he mentions watching her in competitions. Cue the montage of Victoria sucking in every single competition.
The Frankie Show: We relive Caleb trying to throw the Battle of the Block. This makes me sad because it should’ve worked and no one should’ve forgiven Frankie because he was lying nonstop during that whole ordeal, especially about how he was the reason Zach stayed. Frankie had absolutely NOTHING to do with keeping Zach. In fact, he tried to get rid of Zach all three times Zach was on the block.
Frankie’s Revelation: They show this again, and Frankie calling Ariana Grande a “mega, mega pop star” will never stop being funny to me. He talks about being completely honest, but there’s the whole “I’m playing for charity” thing. Once again, he was NOT playing for charity. He may have voluntarily donated money to charity if he won, but he made it sound like he’s playing for charity the same way the contestants on Celebrity Apprentice play on behalf of charity.
The Saboteur: Cody mentions how they still don’t know who took all of their clothes. Derrick continues to blame Zach. This is why Zach deserves to win Fan Favorite, because he got royally screwed over by Team America and gave us all of the most entertaining moments of the season. I really want Big Brother 17 to be All-Stars 2, if only so they can bring Zach back.
Izzy the Dog: Live feed viewers know that a dog came into the house a little over a week ago. They never showed it because all they have is about a minute of usable footage, ending with Izzy the dog’s eviction.
The Final HoH, Part 1
The episode ends with Cody, Derrick and Victoria walking outside and seeing hang gliders. They must hold on and stand on the wall as long as they can, so it’s a simple battle of endurance. The winner moves on to part 3.
Victoria keeps saying that it took a lot of work to get to the Final 3 and that she isn’t a joke like they think she is. She’s wrong. They get soaked with water and the competition will conclude on Wednesday’s finale.
See Who Won Part 1 of the Final HoH>>
(Image courtesy of CBS)