After Scotty McCreery's exciting win on American Idol
, the time has come for the inevitable: a summer-themed feature film starring Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina. Piggybacking on the tidal wave of success that was From Justin to Kelly
, From Lauren to Scotty
will surely be a box office hit, especially when released in 3D. Here is a rough outline for the film, including some sample dialogue, based on Season 10 of American Idol
and my vague recollection of From Justin to Kelly
. Without further ado, I give you From Justin to Kelly 2: From Lauren to Scotty
. (Click here for the full-size poster image)
The film opens with shots of high school and there's cool music. It is the last day of school.
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INT. HALLWAY -- DAY
SCOTTY is shown leaving a class where he studies algebra or something. It doesn't matter because it's the last day of school. JAMES DURBIN leaps out of the adjacent classroom to meet Scotty in the
hallway. They walk together. JAMES (scream-singing)
Got big plans for the summer? I'm going to get a job so I can (sings) FEEEEEED MY BABAAAAYYYYYY! HEEYYY!
My Uncle Justin wants me to help him out on his farm.
Sounds like a drag!
They are outside now. James hops up on a metal handrail and slides down, jumping onto a skateboard that he rides out of frame because I don't want him in the movie anymore. The camera whips around all fast to the other side of the same high school, where LAUREN is signing KAREN RODRIGUEZ's yearbook.
Have a great summer, Karen!
Karen leaves. Lauren is met by HALEY, who she is actually friends with in the movie.
Hi, Haley! Are you sure you don't want to visit me in the country with my Aunt Kelly this summer?
Sorry, Lauren, I have a lot of gigs at jazz clubs with my boyfriend, Casey, who I am definitely dating now.
I'm just worried that I won't know anyone there. This was supposed to be a fun summer!
Well, maybe Casey and I will stop by.
Back on the other side of the high school, which is so large that two people could go to it and have never met before. Scotty is now talking to his wacky friend, CASEY, who is also in high school for the purposes of this movie.
So you'll definitely try to make it out to the country this summer?
Yes. Haley and I are in love.
I didn't ask about that.
I just wanted you to know.
Okay, so I know that it doesn't really make sense why Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson are both living out in the country (well, maybe it makes sense that Justin would be), but just work with me here.
Scotty and Lauren meet up with their respective uncle and aunt, who turn out to be Justin and Kelly from the first movie! They went their separate ways after the movie, just to be clear that Scotty and Lauren would in no way be cousins in this sequel. While country/farm life is difficult at first, they find it very rewarding to connect with their roots. There is definitely
a montage to Scotty and Lauren's cover of Lady Antebellum's "American Honey."
Over conversations with their relatives and old men sitting outside barber shops, we discover that Scotty and Lauren knew each other as children before they moved and went to high school with James Durbin. It might remind you of Hannah Montana: The Movie
or Sweet Home Alabama
, but it is definitely not those movies. For the record.
One day, after a few montages, Uncle Justin and Aunt Kelly send Scotty and Lauren (separately) to the General Store to get a bag of sugar. They meet at the store and recognize each other from their childhood.
Well if it isn't Scotty the Body! They still calling you that?
Only this one guy. I'm still not sure why.
What have you been up to? You still live here?
No, my parents moved when I was seven. I'm just going to school at--
I'm just here for the summer. I just left--
SCOTTY and LAUREN (in unison)
Seacrest High School.
They share a moment, staring at each other meaningfully. The General Store owner interrupts them. OWNER (WHOSE NAME IS JED, I GUESS)
What can I get for you two?
SCOTTY and LAUREN (in unison)
A bag of sugar.
They laugh, realizing they have come for the same thing. OWNER (WHOSE NAME IS PETE, MAYBE)
Well, I hate to tell you, there's only one left! The sugar wagon doesn't get here 'til tomorrow!
SCOTTY AND LAUREN (in unison)
I was here first! No, I was! No, I was! Give me that bag!
They both reach for the bag, and after a tug of war, it rips in two. Sugar spills all over the floor.
This means war!
I hope I never see you again!
OWNER (WHO MIGHT BE PLAYED BY TIM MCGRAW IN A CAMEO)
Now I've got to clean up all this sugar! And all I have are these tweezers. The broom wagon doesn't get in 'til Thursday.
So maybe Scotty and Lauren were placing a little too much emotional weight on getting the bag of sugar, but they're in high school so everything is a little more dramatic then. So Scotty and Lauren continue to be enemies and they tell Justin and Kelly how much they can't stand each other and they say things like, "but you used to be such good friends!"
It seems unresolvable until one day when one of Justin Guarini's piglets gets out of its pen on the farm. There is an inexpensive action sequence of Scotty chasing the errant piglet all over the small town, because let's get real, that is what people really want to see and you've got to give the people what they want. SCOTTY CHASES A PIGLET THROUGH THE TOWN:
THE PIGLET escapes and runs down the dirt road leading to the Guarini Farm. Scotty starts chasing it, and the inevitable hilarious banjo music starts playing. The piglet runs into town, and it runs by a man so fast that his toupee falls off. Scotty places it back on the man's head as he runs by after the piglet.
There is a moment when the piglet is on the edge of a board on a construction site, and Scotty steps on the other edge, wary of creating a seesaw effect and sending the piglet catapulting into the air. As Scotty reaches the other end, and the piglet, Ruben Studdard steps on the other end. He's in town. Don't ask questions. Ruben has lost a lot of weight since his win in Season 2, but he still weighs more than a 17-year-old boy and a piglet, so they are launched into the air at a height that defies the laws of physics.
THE TOWN DRUNK steps out of the Tavern with a bottle in his hand. He looks up to see a pig flying through the air, then looks to his bottle, shakes his head, and tosses the bottle over his shoulder.
Scotty and the piglet land safely in a pile of mud. Scotty looks up to see Lauren laughing at him, holding the piglet. Scotty reaches up for the piglet and falls down again. Lauren tries to help Scotty up, but ends up falling in the mud herself. The piglet tries to help Lauren up, and falls in the mud. All three have a good laugh.
So the piglet breaks the ice, as most piglets do, and there is a growing attraction between Scotty and Lauren. There is also more singing. The town begins preparations for the annual end-of-summer Barn Dance. Casey and Haley show up, as promised, and spend time with Lauren and Scotty. Eventually, there is a misunderstanding between Scotty and Lauren about how their almost-romance may or may not continue once they get back to school. They get in a fight, instead of talking about it and working out the miscommunication like rational human beings do in real life.
The night of the Barn Dance, Aunt Kelly urges Lauren to go, even though she's not feeling up to it. She blew out a vocal cord. Scotty and Uncle Justin have a heart to heart about winning a woman back through music. In the end, everyone goes because it's the effing Barn Dance and you're an idiot if you don't. Casey and Haley are performing at the dance as everyone arrives. Lauren is wearing one of her better-looking prom dresses, with her silver cowgirl boots.
SCOTTYLauren ... I--
I don't want to talk to you, Scotty.
Then just listen.
Scotty goes up on stage, interrupting a performance by RASCAL FLATTS. The Rascal Flatts guys are cool with it, though. Scotty grabs a guitar and plays a romantic song like "Cross My Heart" or something. Lauren is moved. Justin and Kelly look on, proudly, then realize they're standing next to each other.
Don't I know you?
That was one crazy summer. One more dance? For old time's sake?
KELLY (still not recognizing Justin)
Justin and Kelly dance together, and Scotty brings out George Strait to finish the song so he can dance with Lauren. Casey and Haley are dancing together, and everyone is paired up so it's all good. Scotty and Lauren's relationship is left ambiguous and depending on who you ask, they may or may not be dating
As the credits roll, Scotty and Lauren perform a more upbeat duet at the barn dance and all the people in the movie are shown "cutting loose." Beyonce also shows up.
All we need is a producer! Or let me know if you have suggestions for an M. Night Shyamalan-style twist ending.