The season 5 finale of True Blood had about one million dead vampires. It opened with the shocking death of one of the major characters and ended with an even more shocking death, plus a rebirth. Unfortunately, anyone looking for answers regarding Warlow will be left sorely disappointed.

Eric and Sookie Team Up

Before the opening credits, Eric saves the faeries by killing Russell Edgington. Well, that was easy.

Eric and Nora team up with Tara, Sookie and Jason in order to storm the Vampire Authority H to save Pam, Jessica and Bill. Sookie reluctantly agrees and Jason goes along just to kill vampires.

Storming the Castle

When they arrive the HQ Jason takes the lead by shooting every vampire he sees. Sookie and Tara rescue Jessica and Pam, and when they do, Tara and Pam have a steamy kiss. It’s safe to say this is the most awesome lesbian relationship in TV history. Once rescued, Jessica is happy to see Jason, but he tells her that he can never love a vampire.

Bill Becomes God

Throughout the episode Bill continues his Hunger Games-style competition to see who will get to drink Lilith’s blood. He kills Salome to become the ultimate champion.

Eric and Sookie arrive to try and talk some sense into him, but Bill is way past salvation. He drinks Lilith’s blood and then erupts into a puddle of blood. Yes, Bill died.

But then again, he didn’t. The pool of blood congeals, T2-style, and Bill arises from the blood just like Lilith. It seems Bill is the new Vampire God, and he belts out a loud roar that results in Eric telling Sookie to “RUN!” Now that’s one hell of a great cliffhanger.

Saving Emma

Sam and Luna’s plot to rescue Emma is pretty awesome. Luna shifts into Steve Newlin to get out, but they’re stopped by Rosalyn, who wants Steve to do a quick interview about that frat boy murder spree. In the middle of it Luna shifts back into a human and wanrs all of America that vampires are evil. That’s when the most awesome thing ever happens. Sam, as a fly, goes into Rosalyn’s mouth and shifts into a human from inside of her, exploding her.

Andy’s Babies

At Merlotte’s, Arlene, Holly and Lafayette get drunk while Maurella goes into labor. She gives birth to four babies, then tells Andy that he’s in charge of them. Does this mean season 6 will have a storyline where Andy changes Halfling diapers? Because that sounds just awful.

Leader of the Pack

Finally, in a storyline almost as irrelevant as Andy’s babies, Martha and Rikki show up to warn Alcide that J.D. is feeding everyone V and raping the young women of the pack. So Alcide, on his father’s advice, makes it a fair fight by drinking some V himself and beating J.D. to death. Just like that, Alcide is the new packmaster. Now couldn’t that have happened in the first episode of this season and saved us all some time?

Where’s Warlow?

The Vampire Authority break-in and Bill’s ascension to Vampire God were great, but the finale was missing one major element: the identity of Warlow. The show went to all that trouble to start this big storyline of a vampire who is after Sookie, and we get NOTHING? That’s just wrong. And in some ways, it overshadows all the good in this episode and leaves me wondering why the hell the writers even brought him up in the first place. It’s almost as bad as the first season finale of The Killing.

(Image courtesy of HBO)

John Kubicek

Senior Writer, BuddyTV

John watches nearly every show on TV, but he specializes in sci-fi/fantasy like The Vampire DiariesSupernatural and True Blood. However, he can also be found writing about everything from Survivor and Glee to One Tree Hill and Smallville.