#8 Dancing with the Stars
Yeah, sorry – I don’t care if it’s remarkably popular. Dancing with the Stars is schlock for mass consumption. The dancing is generally mediocre, the episodes go on forever, and every time I watch it for a couple of minutes, I feel like an old grandma. Dancing with the Stars is a show for people too lazy to watch anything that requires even the smallest modicum of brain power. Seriously – why are millions upon millions of people watching g-list celebrities dance?
#7 The Hills
I’m told that people are actually addicted to The Hills. I suppose I can see why. Good-looking people, intriguing setting, high production values. Fake reality passing itself off as reality is weird enough, but these people aren’t doing anything. Also, any show that gives such vacuous and awful humans as Spencer and Heidi any screen time deserves placement on multiple “Worst Of” lists.
HBO might as well have named Entourage’s fifth season finale “Deus Ex Machina.” Really – Vince just lands himself the lead role in a new Martin Scorsese movie based off of some dailies? This was the most unbelievable plot point in a show known for its unbelievable plot points. I used to love Entourage, and following a once-prominent actor during the nadir of his career was a story worth following, but no – HBO gave Vince and the boys an unearned return to glory.
#5 Hole in the Wall
Hole in the Wall is funny in one-minute YouTube video form. That’s about it. To air hour-long episodes of people wearing form-fitting spaceman uniforms trying to fit through holes in walls represents a low point in reality programming. FOX was betting on the American people being a lot dumber than they actually are. We’re pretty stupid, just not stupid enough for Hole in the Wall. Give us a decade or two – we’ll probably get there eventually.
It’s surprising to see so many people remain loyal to Heroes, a show that peaked in its first season and has gone straight downhill since. The whole “Villains” story-line has been nothing but a disaster, story-lines becoming muddled and difficult to comprehend and featuring characters that absolutely no one likes. Maybe the return of Bryan Fuller will help turn the show around, but I’m not holding my breath.
#3 That’s Amore!
It’s almost impossible to comprehend a more contrived dating show than That’s Amore. Starring Domenico, a cast-off from A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, an Italian import. The dating show put its contestants (and their parents) through some incredibly demeaning and pointless competitions, including one where they had to suck the cream out of canolis. Believe it or not, it was even more disgusting than it sounds.
#2 Knight Rider
Only NBC would think this a good idea. Let’s bring back a cult joke of a show like Knight Rider, a show about a talking car that used to star David Hasslehoff, and update it for modern audiences. The try-out for Knight Rider was a TV movie that was critically lambasted for its idiocy, but this didn’t bother NBC and they brought it to series. Now, it is a laughing-stock. I’m depressed just thinking about it. Figure it out, NBC.
#1 Paris Hilton’s My New BFF
Paris Hilton’s My New BFF is a series that should not exist in a modern society. The mere idea of the show, that a talentless whore like Paris Hilton needs a new best friend, is abominable in its own right. People should not want to be Paris Hilton’s friend. People should not want to watch people trying to become Paris Hilton’s friend. That the show existed at all is reason enough to swear off cable reality shows once and for all. Can we let this genre die, everyone?