On A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, we were introduced to Domenico Nesci, an adorably eccentric Italian with a fondness for frank sexual discussions and Italian flag Speedos. Despite being eliminated, MTV decided Domenico still needed to find true love, and That’s Amore! was born.
In addition, the new show has recruited Domenico’s Shot at Love BFF Ashley McNeely to play the role of consigliore (because if TV has taught us anything, it’s that all Italians are in the mob). He was the dim-witted Southern boy who frequently called Domenico “Little Italy.” On That’s Amore, Ashley will be Goose to Domenico’s Maverick. That makes me Iceman, chomping my teeth at this show all season.
The intro is overly Italian, and immediately I’m certain this is a parody of reality dating shows. The girls roll up in an Italian flag limo wearing bikinis. It took me so long, but I’ve finally realized that Domenico is just Roberto Benigni’s son. Sadly, I believe most of these girls are actually here for him, because they find him precious.
Domenico introduces his American brother Ashley to help out, and it’s strange because the ladies could easily go after him too. Adding to the confusion is that one of the girls is also named Ashley, so to make things easier (and to amuse myself), I’ll be referring to them as Boy Ashley and Girl Ashley.
Instantly, big-breasted Kim stands out as the house bitch. She hates ugly, small-breasted Hunter and when Hunter gets some alone time with Domenico, Kim butts in and starts making out with him. Staying on the topic of boobs, Rebecca invites Domenico to touch her real breasts, while Kim defends her fake ones by saying that he’s looking for an American girl, and most American women have them. Megan and Domenico bond over having similar freckles.
The house splits into blondes and non-blondes. Domenico talks to Hunter, and Kim buts in because she has a vendetta already. Kristen smells funky and Domenico asks her if he can sniff her armpit. He also sniffs Kathleen’s pits and is much more pleased with the aroma. She makes his magic area move like an Indian rain dancer. She’s a virgin.
Finally, the problem with Hunter comes out in the open: they all hate her because she doesn’t shave her vagina. Somehow, Domenico might not be the wackiest person here. The girls are tearing Domenico apart. Finally Boy Ashley suggests having a pool party, so Domenico rips off his tux to reveal his Italian flag Speedo and leads the girls to the indoor pool. Domenico opens up about his former fiancée who he dated for three and a half years and who ultimately cheated on him six months before the wedding.
The girls all sleep in the same room, but at least they have different beds. The next morning they get a pizza delivery. This is how they’ll be given their clues about the competitions, and the first one is about spaghetti and meatballs. Italian-American organizations should be protesting this show in no time. For the challenge, they must go into a giant tub of spaghetti and meatballs and put as many meatballs in their mouths as they can and transport them to buckets.
They’re divided into three teams, red, white and green. This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen, and after a while, Girl Ashley and Love start wrestling in the spaghetti tub. Boy Ashley counts the meatballs and determines the red team wins. The prize is a date with Domenico outside in the fake snow. The brunette winners talk smack about the annoying blondes. They have a good time, which is ruined when Talor comes outside to ruin it. The girls boo her, and Domenico says it’s not his fault she lost, but her mouth isn’t big enough to handle Italian meatballs..
From the winners, Christina once had sex in a football stadium, Megan also had her heart broken, Girl Ashley seems cool, Nicole wants to go to Europe, and Kristen is still the one with the funky pits. Inside the mansion, Kim is still obsessed with Hunter’s hairy vagina. Domenico asks Boy Ashley’s advice on who to eliminate. Boy Ashley hates sleeves.
That’s Amore Elimination Time! Right away, five girls (or one-third of the contestants) will be sent home. Domenico gives away Italian flags to indicate who he wants to keeps and asks “Will you be my bambina?” Finally, he sends home Dominique, Hunter, Katherine, Kristen and Nicole. I guess personal grooming is very important to Domenico, as he eliminated funky pits and hairy bush.
Kim, proving to be the queen bitch, grabs Hunter and drags her out of the house. It almost leads to a fight, but I guess it’s too early in the season for that.
This season on That’s Amore: Pillow fights. French maid outfits. Blondes vs. Brunettes. A whole lot of uses of the word “bitch.” Hair pulling. An ambulance. Carriage rides. A trip to Italy.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of MTV)