So we all know that Milwaukee TURNED IT OUT for the American Idol auditions. 53 people came out of it with tickets to Hollywood, and every 15-year old who auditioned went through (according to the omniscient voice of Ryan Seacrest.) Naturally, everyone is talking about Chris Medina, the great singer with a sad story. But who “won” Milwaukee? Here are my almost completely arbitrary choices:
Civil War Enthusiast Nathaniel Jones
Why would you audition in an “authentic” Civil War uniform? His description of reenacting is, “you dress up, go out onto a field somewhere, and just re-create a battle that took place.” And then why was he going on about his dad, the non-hippy who “does not” smoke pot or “believe in sex.” And you know, he wasn’t terrible for a while there, but he couldn’t possibly expect to be taken seriously. For his vacant look while singing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight,” and because Steven Tyler called it “outstanding,” Nathaniel Jones is a potential winner of Milwaukee.
He took a long time to breathe and prepare, causing Randy to react like this:
Then, as he sang tunelessly, he stared up at the ceiling, probably afraid to look directly into the eyes of Steven Tyler for fear of turning into stone. Also, he was dressed like he was about to go to a 6th grade band concert. What really won me over, though, was how he just accepted that he wasn’t going to Hollywood. He left the room saying, “ah, we didn’t make it,” and whoever he came with goes, “that’s alright!” That is a champ attitude!
She chose Minnie Ripperton’s “Lovin’ You,” which may have been a mistake from the beginning. It’s just so easy for that song to be bad! It doesn’t matter that Vernika didn’t sound very good, because she thought she was amazing. They told her it wasn’t going to work and she goes, “REALLY, you think so!” and some kind of dinosaur sound happened outside the audition (1:40 in this video.)
Then she turned to, “Seriously, no, I’m not even upset,” followed by asking if it was because she wasn’t skinny enough. Then she walked out. To be eaten by that dinosaur?? No, to snub Ryan. If you ask Vernika who won Milwaukee, she’ll tell you!
(images courtesy of FOX, video courtesy of YouTube)