During this week’s final episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County season 9, viewers get one last peek behind the orange curtain. Really, it’s just more reunion footage and clips that Bravo scraped up from the cutting room floor. You’d think we could put the whole “Marry, Shag, Kill’ controversy to rest, but no such luck.
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Tamra had a painting party and chose two unlikely invitees: Heather and Vicki. She thought it would be good for her friends to do a little manual labor and see how the other half live. I’m confident Heather watches her personal chef or gardener hard at work on occasion.
Tamra’s hopes were dashed when Heather brought a painter along. She assumed that Tamra couldn’t possibly expect that she, Miss Fancy Pants, would actually pick up a brush and paint herself. Personally, I like Heather’s version of a painting party. It doesn’t hurt the guy looked like a model. Vicki’s hormones went into overdrive; either that or she was loopy from the paint fumes because she couldn’t stop drooling over the “help.”
Feng Shui for Dummies
When things between Shannon and David were at their worst, she called in her feng shui consultant, Elaine, to help improve the situation. How shallow and self-indulgent must you be to A) have someone like that practically on retainer, and B) would rather move furniture around in the hopes that you won’t actually have to focus attention on your flaws? So what better way to connect with her hubby than to hang some crystals in the “relationship corner”?
Conversation at the reunion at one point turned to the oldest cast member — in both age and time on the show — Vicki. Specifically, just how tough she can be on the new “wives.” But looking back, she really never warmed to Alexis and Gretchen. Shannon wasn’t an anomaly. Both Tamra and Heather never felt dissed by the OC’s grande dame.
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Lizzie and Tamra’s conflicted feelings about expanding their families serves as a segue into a clip highlighting some of the more cringeworthy parenting moments. A lot of whining, crying, screaming, hitting, etc. Even Terry referred to his youngest as a bitch, which horrified viewers. Heather brushed it off, stating that she believes there isn’t a parent alive who hasn’t used an expletive about their child/children at one time or another.
Vicki’s son, Michael, was especially brutal, and viewers questioned whether he emulates his treatment of her after Don and Brooks. It’s funny because Vicki felt Jeana’s sons were incredibly disrespectful to their mother and that they had learned their behavior from her brain-damaged husband.
Vicki admitted she’s not oblivious to their dynamic, and she’s tried to speak to him about it. But there’s only so much she can do considering his age. She hopes that he gets a wake-up call after seeing his behavior on the show.
On a lighter note, we learn that Tamra wasn’t exactly a doting mother to baby Astro, having killed the robot infant a couple of times.
Will They or Won’t They?
The juiciest moments of the show by far involved Brooks and Vicki. When asked if the two are exclusive, Vicki said she’s open to dating other men if they surpass Brooks in quality. This set Tamra off, who remained befuddled at their “It’s complicated” relationship status. Vicki got upset that Tamra thought her friend could do better but then claimed to be keeping her options open.
It turns out that Vicki and Brooks have both talked to a therapist regarding their relationship. Brooks admitted during a session that he told Ryan, while he was drunk, that he wanted to beat her ass. He also ascertained that he would never actually lay a hand on her.
The odds aren’t in the couple’s favor, and as much as Vicki gushes over her controversial boyfriend, she’s moving forward with him cautiously.
The episode ends on a comedic note when we see a dinner the women had in Bali. From Vicki’s confusion regarding the seating and Heather spritzing bug spray in her eye to the uninvited gecko, these ladies know how to whoop it up.
I can’t wait to see what the landmark 10th season has in store.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)