During this week’s season 9 premiere of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Heather and Terry are building a new home. CUT Fitness is up and running. Vicki’s going through big changes in her personal life. Heather, Tamra and Vicki take a girls’ trip to Hawaii. And a new housewife is introduced.
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Fancy Pants Builds Her Dream House
Heather and Terry sold their beautiful home for the low, low bargain price of just over $16 million. This gives them quite a hunk of cheddah to build their new dream house, which will take roughly two years. In the meantime, the family of six has to get by crammed together in your standard run-of-the-mill upper middle-class abode. Unlike Heather’s Barbie Dream House, which will include a personal beauty salon, their current hovel is located — gasp — on a cul-de-sac. Fancy Pants is back in full force.
A Cut Above
CUT Fitness has been open for business for nine months, and it’s really a family affair. In addition to Eddie teaching classes, Tamra’s eldest son, Ryan, works there as well. While Tamra’s a few chains away from building her dream house, CUT is breaking even which is pretty good news for a burgeoning biz.
Eddie and Tamra’s age difference has Tamra scrambling to keep up. She’s doing double time trying to “stay young.” It doesn’t help that her hot hubby has quite a following at the fitness studio. When it comes to getting older, Tamra tells it like it is: “Getting older sucks balls, sweaty balls.”
Oklahoma is Not Okay
Brianna has moved out, so Vicki is living on her own — sort of. She’s got David, one of her employees, crashing at her pad a few nights a week.
As usual, Brooks and Vicki’s relationship status is complicated. Some of the revelations during last season’s reunion show really made Brooks come off like a misogynistic, bullying scumbag. According to Vicki, he’s penitent, but she doesn’t know where they’re headed.
Ryan got home safe and sound from his deployment in Afghanistan and proceeded to knock Briana up, again. The two live in a condo nearby to Vicki, but that’s all about to change. The couple is gearing up to move to Oklahoma, and Briana is excited about getting a fresh start; in other words, getting the heck away from her mama.
Vicki claims the relationship between herself and Briana is rock solid but then accuses her daughter of making false accusations against Brooks. At the same time, there is proof that he encouraged Ryan to physically abuse Briana. Vicki’s heard the tape but justifies Brooks’ behavior by saying that everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re upset.
So Long, Farewell
If Gretchen were still a cast member, she and Tamra would be at each other’s throats again. The “friendship” they had over the past few years is dunzo, at least in Tamra’s mind. She thinks Gretchen is nothing more than a narcissistic, compulsive liar who is dead to her.
Heather doesn’t have anything good or bad to say about Gretchen. The two simply aren’t communicating, although Terry has performed some cosmetic procedures on the couple.
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Heather is offered a role on Hawaii Five-0. Thanks to her roles on Malibu Country and Hot in Cleveland (not to mention her reality show), she’s been in front of the camera more.
Tamra decides she wants to tag along to Hawaii, and they should invite Vicki as well. When it comes to hanging with Vicki and Tamra, Heather feels like a third wheel, but she’s still up for being the odd woman out in paradise.
Heather and Vicki may not be on the outs, but they aren’t exactly on the ins, either. Heather finds out from Tamra that Vicki and Don’s divorce just recently became final. Heather also isn’t in the loop on where Brooks and Vicki stand. Tamra tells her that Vicki denies the existence of a relationship but that Vicki could just want to keep the romance under wraps. Even Tamra’s head is spinning when it comes to her friend’s love life, but she does firmly believe Brooks is far from out of the picture.
Meet New Wife #1
Because they need a way to introduce one of the new housewives, Heather and her builder, Robert, go to check out the digs of Shannon Beador. Heather is apparently having trouble visualizing certain aspects of the home she’s building, so they are visiting a bunch of homes to see some of the other work Robert has done.
Shannon gives them the tour, and we find out Shannon has three daughters, two of whom are twins. She admits that because the two girls don’t like to be attached at the hip, she had a DNA test done. You can imagine how Heather processes this tidbit of info. “Really?”
Shannon doesn’t know the square footage of her own house but claims it’s probably too much given how down to earth she and her husband are (cut to the catering kitchen). She brags how green her home is: no toxic paint finishes, no fiberglass insulation, no Wi-Fi that produces electromagnetic radiation. Heather’s not impressed and questions whether Shannon’s hair color is organic.
Heather is a true California girl, born and raised. She comes from an affluent background and has been married to her husband, David, a freeway contractor, for 13 years. While Shannon claims that they have a routine, it’s obvious that they are stuck in a rut.
Three’s a Crowd
Once Heather’s done working, it’s time to play. We all know Heather’s idea of a good time doesn’t always coincide with the other ladies, although she’s usually a pretty good sport. Vicki and Tamra are a bit tough on Heather just because she’s a bit more buttoned-up than they are.
Despite having a fear of the ocean, Vicki, Tamra and the instructor convince Heather to take a surfing lesson. Vicki scrapes her knee and acts like a shark took a chunk out of her leg. Who’s the Fancy Pants now?
Next up, an excursion, via Jeep, to a nearby waterfall. Tamra’s growing increasingly annoyed with Heather, whose “fun level” isn’t on par with her and Vicki’s. Vicki and Heather butt heads because Vicki’s a moron — the woman doesn’t know the difference between an STD and the name of a tree. Given her promiscuous nature, she should.
To the Moon, Shannon
Shannon goes to see her Energy Medicine Specialist, Dr. Moon. She’s over the moon — pun intended — for holistic healing. He fixes what he finds to be wrong via acupuncture. Shannon sees him three times a week on average. It looks like a bunch of blocked Chakra crap, and a way for Shannon to kill time since she’s got nothing better to do. It’s probably also the healthcare option of choice for over-privileged women blessed with perfect health.
Heather and Tamra decided to double-team Vicki to find out the 411 on Brooks, but viewers will have to wait until next week for either the dirty deets or dubious denials.
The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays at 9pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)