Proving that last week’s episode was entirely inconsequential, none of the “previously on” clips were from the most recent episode leading into this one. Well, I guess there was a mud run Starting out, Heather and Tamra meet for wine to remind us there was a mud run, and to announce Heather’s “Bowling and Champs” party. Champs with a soft “ch,” as in champagne. Tamra can’t go because she’ll be recovering from her breast reduction, and Heather is worried about having to referee Gretchen and Vicki.

Tamra also mentions that she doesn’t trust Brooks. There’s something off about him, he’s just too … nice. Speaking of Brooks, Vicki is meeting with him for lunch. It’s a short lunch, and a relatively rude one. But Brooks got Vicki another card! He loves getting her those cards. I suppose that’s OK. But I don’t trust it, right Tamra? Continuing the romance, they talk real estate. I sense that something bad is on the way, though, as Vicki says “he’s given me no reason not to trust him.”

Should we talk about that commercial for “Around the World in 80 Plates”? No, let’s pretend it never happened.

So Heather’s bowling party is for couples. This is looking even more explosive by the minute. We have to deal with Jim and the suspicious Brooks? And Slade? But not Jim, apparently, because Alexis is still in recovery.

Yes! Alexis is back on the “news”! She is dreadful, and should have taken more than “a journalism class in college.” She also has to stop interrupting her guests. She thinks she’s doing an incredible job. She has it all!

Gretchen lost her voice screaming at Vicki, and now she’s worried about performing with the Pussycat Dolls. She and Slade go to see a/her vocal coach. Gretchen is trying to sing sales, and Slade sits behind her laughing like an un-supportive jag. After the scales, Gretchen’s session concludes.

Time for Tamra’s implant removal. Eddie is being gross and douchey about it. He needs to stop looking at them, but I suppose it’s one last time. Tamra isn’t sure what she’ll be left with, but the whole thing is overall way less gross and dramatic than Alexis’s surgery.

Alexis is SO busy but she carved out some time for date night with Jim. They speak vaguely about “this economy,” without getting into how exactly they were affected. Jim’s plate comes out and it is quite literally JUST a hunk of meat, no sides or anything. Then he tells Alexis that women should stay home and they weren’t ready for the commitment of Alexis Couture. Then he says “we’re just going to have to walk away from that [Fox 5 Thing].” No, Jim, not her dream!

Post-surgery, Tamra calls Vicki. Then Gretchen shows up in person! Their friendship is better than anyone else’s right now on the show. Take that Alexis, who Gretchen didn’t visit right away, and Vicki, who didn’t show up in person for Tamra.

Heather’s Champagne and Bowling night is obscene. She loves extremes! Like rented shoes and a diamond-encrusted top. Gretchen’s friend Sarah shows up to make things less awkward, I assume. Heather doesn’t like Sarah, which is why she’s there via Gretchen. I can see why Heather doesn’t like Sarah.

Vicki shows up and that completes the group. Is Heather really going to attempt this? She puts Vicki and Gretchen in separate lanes, so that no one has to talk about child support. Vicki fell down and Slade helped her up. That was nice! Vicki and Brooks won the Cristal. Is he going to do something crazy with it?! What is his deal?

For whatever reason, Sarah sits herself next to Vicki for a confrontation. But Vicki ends up being more confrontational, saying, “I’m not talking to you right now,” and leaving. Sarah follows her out with a plate of food in hand. The argument is about nothing at all, and waiting to see if Sarah’s burger is going to slide off that plate is more interesting than the words exchanged. Drunk Sarah’s getting surly.

“You said ‘we need to have a talk,'” Heather tells her.
“I said ‘can I talk to you?’!” Sarah keeps saying. Heather did a pretty good impression of Sarah later, but she IS an actress. Sarah needs to lay off the “champs.”

Slade actually did a pretty good job managing the situation late in the evening. He helped Sarah exit stage left, to prevent her from embarrassing herself any further.

“Alexis may be dumb, but Sarah is crazy,” Heather pronounces.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).