The Real Housewives, minus Aviva and Ramona, are finally in London. Yes, the much-anticipated, drama-producing girls’ trip to London is finally here. In the car, they discuss hats and head sizes. Carole notes that it’s hard to get a word in edgewise with LuAnn and Sonja, a popular complaint amongst these women. In London, every guy is super cute and charming and accent-having.

Heather is in London on business, with Yummie International. Women the world wide need their shapewear. Sonja and Carole and LuAnn try on their fascinators, arguing about how they all call them fascinators. LuAnn has adopted this fake British accent, because when in London! It’s awful.

Aviva and Ramona go shoe shopping back in New York, and Ramona is confused about how THAT’S gonna work with her prosthesis. Ramona giggles and acts like a child about Aviva’s artificial leg. She is starting to annoy Aviva. She stares, bug-eyed, at Aviva’s high heel leg. “You wear, like, a bathing suit? On the beach?” Ramona asks, baffled.

In the UK, Sonja, LuAnn, and Carole go shopping. Sonja can’t just whip out the plastic and buy whatever she wants, she notes. Carole looks fantastic in everything. She is fabulous. More Carole and her clothes, please! Endlessly. She talks about her late husband, and her first boyfriend after he passed in London.

“Isn’t it amazing how we’ve never crossed paths? We have so many people in common!” LuAnn sucks up to Carole. These women will not let Carole have anything.

The girls are joining Heather for a Yummie International dinner. Heather is endlessly enthusiastic and young-acting when she greets them. At dinner, Heather toasts herself, then has everyone stand up one by one, introduce themselves, and say why they love Yummie. Everyone is starving. Heather asks Carole to stand up, which she does not, and she obligingly says she likes the squeeze of Yummie Tummie. LuAnn stands, making a comment about Carole’s lack of manners, and Carole is still not impressed. Sonja tops LuAnn’s toast, impressed by the group and the scene. This could very well be a party by Sonja in the City!

Everyone gets a long-stemmed rose, and sits, smelling it, wishing they had food. Carole and Sonja excuse themselves to egg-shaped toilets, and LuAnn waits for the rest of her party to eat her salad. ETIQUETTE! She takes a bite of her salad, looking around like it’s the naughtiest thing she has ever done in her life.

Early the next morning, Heather has an interview, and asks Carole for counsel. I’m sure Carole would rather be doing anything else, but Heather is sure she’ll rally. Because it’s British TV, and not American, Heather is only allowed to say the name of her brand once. This will be like a funny game.

Ramona is going to the Learning Annex to learn some people about business. This is not an A-list event, but Ramona acts as though it were. She signs wine for the plebians, as her new table is getting set up. Then she runs to the bathroom, just as all the attendees are sitting down.

Meanwhile, in the UK! Heather struggles to keep herself from over-mentioning her brand. Heather did a great job, though, and Carole would much rather have been spending her time sleeping.

Back at the Learning Annex! Ramona talks about her business and “if I can do it, so can you.” GLUG.

That night, the girls spend the night in at the penthouse. They make fun of Heather for wearing Groucho Marks glasses, and anticipate a night of boozing and PIGGING OUT.

Aviva, Ramona, and the husbands go out for a SUPER FUN night on the town in NYC. Ramona guarantees that they’re having more fun than the girls in London because surely they can hardly get a word in edgewise with that Heather there!

The girls in London are having a much better time, though, measuring themselves, and talking fertility. It made me want to measure my hips and waist to find my ratio. They talk about Ramona, and Heather feels bad but not that bad. They move on to talk about something else. Heather even inspires a new song in LuAnn. Gangsta Chic.

In New York, it is Ramona’s company who is not getting a word in edgewise.

But the trouble is just starting to brew in foggy London town …

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).