Uh oh, Carole is meeting Ramona and Sonja for drinks. She might be playing both sides! The conversation is aimed at Heather, but naturally turns toward LuAnn, who is a constant one-upper. I am not sure that Ramona has ever complained about that, but she readily agreed. Ramona thought they could all rally around hating Heather, but she’ll settle for LuAnn.

Aviva arrives on the scene, having been icing her ankle from that terrible fall all day. Aviva is planning a trip to Miami. Carole, it turns out, will be there anyway to meet some of her actually fabulous friends, like that jewelry designer. Sonja and Ramona are invited, so it’s going to be a blonde party, plus Carole occasionally. And Aviva has someone to set Sonja up with: her dad. She has a very high opinion of her dad! Or maybe a low opinion of Sonja.

Heather is meeting with a graphic designer to develop a logo for Sonja in the City. And the City? I still don’t know. Anyway, this guy’s name is James Bernard, and he’s about to meet Sonja in the most wonderful hat I have ever seen. She brought a suitcase, packed with some documents and her toaster oven. Lord. Sonja takes the opportunity to flirt with James Bernard, who had the audacity not to look at her tacky ass website.

Sonja touts the name of her production company, which soared into bankruptcy, then disses James’s ideas. He doesn’t want to say, outright, “I know better than you,” but he practically does. Sonja doesn’t like any of them, and is stuck on whatever clipart girl she found on MS Word. “No wonder you don’t get the sexy j,” Sonja notes in a confessional, adding a haggard wink. They are not understanding each other.

Jacques has set up a wine tasting. LuAnn knows EVERYTHING about wine, so she invited the ladies to “play some wine games” to show off how much more than them she knows. So far she is winning. Ramona “Always Cordial” Singer, hugs LuAnn and tries to ignore Heather. Jacques does a fun blindfold wine tasting. This is such a classy party I can’t even stand it.

Ramona is up next, after Heather, and she hates having things over her eyes. She criticizes the wine, and is super abrasive, suggesting her own Pinot Grigio as an alternative. Little did she know, the wine she was criticizing was her own. Hilariously, Heather hated Ramona’s wine. “She set me up, but I was a good sport about it,” Ramona noted. Aviva did not think it was a fun thing to do, she thought it was mean-spirited.

Now, in Miami, Aviva and Reid are relaxing. The family shows up, and Aviva’s dad hits on her. Sure, whatever. Oddly, I do think Aviva’s dad and Sonja would get along. Aviva promises her father that Sonja is “very sexual,” and he is excited by the prospect of meeting a vibrant new woman.

Aviva pays particular attention to detail as she prepares for Ramona and her rider. She asks Reid if Ramona might find it creepy that they’re sleeping beneath a bunch of pictures of them and their kids. She probably will, but oh well. Ramona notes that she feels like she’s on spring break. Oh crap.

The ever-critical Ramona notes that their building is awfully high up for someone afraid of heights, and she doesn’t like the pictures of them all over, and she can’t believe they have house rules. SPRING BREAK! WOO!

Heather and LuAnn get their brows done, and LuAnn can’t believe that the waxer told her her brows were just OK. Heather doesn’t even flinch getting her brows waxed. LuAnn opts to get one eyebrow done, because she’s skeptical. They write off everyone’s annoyance with them as “quirky,” and jealousy about their tallness.

Carole meets with her fabulous friend Ranjana Kahn. Ranjana has the scoop on LuAnn, who took two goody bags from the event, and wants more and more pieces from her. She asked Nayim for a dress, too, which Carole has never done. They agree that it was not cool. Carole calls her “a friend jumper,” and it seems like the Princess and the Countess are at odds.

Mario, Ramona, Aviva, and Reid go out to dinner, and they ought to get along because they love to make special orders on things. No nitrates in the hotdogs, no tap water, the cherry tomatoes cut in half, no cucumber, so on and so forth. Ramona touts her pallet, and Reid compliments her, but it doesn’t appear Ramona is listening. Aviva comes out against LuAnn’s craftiness, and Ramona is delighted and validated.

Ramona and Mario try to jump on the bandwagon in hating LuAnn and the event, but they aren’t speaking on the same level as Aviva’s well-constructed comment. “WHAT DO I DO?!” Ramona says, acting like it even matters. Then Aviva’s kobe beef hotdog arrived, per her father’s suggestion, and it was incredibly long and humiliating.

It looks like things are about to get even spicier in this coming season! I can’t wait to see what will happen! Was LuAnn’s wine test mean-spirited?

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).