The ladies minus Ramona and Aviva, are in London still. Hollaaaaa! Right away, Sonja is icing her face in the bidet. Yeah, she knows how to party. And what is this? Mommy Dearest? Her face did look better after withdrawing it from the bidet, though.

“Sometimes when you’re traveling with friends, their little quirks can become irritating, like when LuAnn barged into my room to wake me out of a dead sleep,” Carole notes. What a quirk, LuAnn has, for barging in and pissing Carole off! LuAnn also has the quirk of stealing Carole’s outfit ideas. The cape …

Next, in the car on the way to croquet, LuAnn exhibits a quirk for one-upping everyone. Maybe she thinks she’s relating, but adding to the story.

Ramona and Aviva, meanwhile, look at The Empire Room for Aviva’s anniversary party. It’s being catered by Sonja in the City. Yes, ma’am. It’s “a modern interpretation of art deco,” and Aviva loves it. Ramona is doing quite a bit to involve herself in the party, and she’s even dropping off a case of her own wine to drink. No one else will get any.

The London girls go play croquet. Heather finds their instructor hilarious. She also notes that the Countess is wearing on the Princess. Didn’t anyone know that LuAnn was a croquet pro? Carole, now provoked, owns croquet. She wins wearing a maxi-length dress.

They go to dinner, and Sonja and LuAnn need TOO much attention. Sonja brings up Aviva’s party, which she is getting mad texts about, because she is Sonja in the City. She’s very busy and important.

Heather asks about Carole’s book, and LuAnn brings up HER book, which is completely irrelevant. She just wants to contribute, I suppose. But they are getting oddly competitive, and LuAnn’s high opinion of herself is inflating out of control. LuAnn excuses herself, and Heather explains that it’s “a tall girl thing.”

Carole lightly digs at LuAnn’s one-uppedness, but it comes across as bitchy and LuAnn wasn’t happy about it. Heather asks LuAnn if she has noticed at all that “women” are always trying to jump in there, and LuAnn says it’s a complete different vibe without that awful Ramona here. LuAnn was saying some crazy, completely unaware things. Sonja is dressed like Steven Tyler.

Sonja in the City shows up to The Empire Room to figure out Aviva’s party that night. It’s Sonja’s first event, so she is proud of herself for choosing the entertainment, the flowers, and the location. She is scattered.

Carole and Aviva meet at the beauty salon before the party. Carole mentions that her late husband died two weeks before their anniversary. Then, Aviva asks about London, and Carole notes that she doesn’t quite “get” LuAnn. But the cat’s out of the bag now, even if it stays in the beauty salon.

At Aviva and Reid’s engagement party, Aviva is pleased with Sonja in the City. Sonja And the City? Heather notes that Sonja was concerned about matching linens and picking china, and she doesn’t even see a fork. Where did it all go? Into the abyss.

Sonja pulls Aviva and Reid up to the front, and has Cara Quici awkwardly stand next to them. No one proposes a toast. Aviva asks if they can sit down, after Sonja presents the couple and the entertainment. On her way down the stairs, Aviva takes a tumble. I love a party, but I love a disaster even more.

She fell down in front of everyone. “Leave it to me with my one leg!” Aviva jokes. The band starts their sound test, and Sonja watches impatiently. Cara Quici is absolutely terrible. The NY Housewives pretend politely to dig and enjoy it, except Heather, who obviously finds it hysterical. Cara crawls up to Aviva and Reid, touching them in her corset. I guess that was the ballad.

“The trick to throwing a great party is knowing the people you’re throwing it for,” Sonja notes.

Then, Cara starts dancing for an up-tempo number that is also terrible. “Just when you think it can’t get any worse, it gets worse!” Carole says, in a confessional, delighted. It was deliciously uncomfortable.

The band finishes, finally, in a relief to everyone, and Reid grabs a hot mic to propose a toast. His toast was much nicer than the entertainment. Reid is a good guy. Then Aviva thanked Carole for Reid’s speech, which she barely helped with. Then, she reads a poem she wrote for Reid, which made everyone laugh uncomfortably. Then she pops a wedding band on his finger, which he wasn’t expecting.

There was no food, a big cake, but no plates. Heather introduces Mario to her husband Jonathan, then makes it awkward introducing him to Ramona. Heather asks Ramona how she’s doing and Ramona says, “I don’t know if this is the right time to say this to you, but I’m just going to say it. When we had our conversation, you lied to me.” Oh God.

Ramona continues to go on both offense and defense simultaneously at Heather, and her volume raises quickly. “Don’t be a fake, don’t be phony,” Ramona warns, then walks off. Heather follows Ramona, partially just to annoy her. You can’t get away from Heather!

“You’re just not a nice person,” Ramona tells Heather, attacking her. What a jerk. Carole watches excitedly from across the room. “Should we go?” Aviva asks Carole. “No,” Carole says wisely.

Heather tries to tell Ramona that she’s not fake, but Ramona’s not having it. And Sonja’s not intervening, because this is turning out to be better entertainment than Cara Quici. Heather tries to talk to Ramona, who talks over her, then Ramona leaves because she can’t stand Heather’s smile, and makes up with LuAnn. Let’s all be awful together.

“I’m on your team for SURE, dealing with the Ramonacoaster,” LuAnn chuckles. Heather tells Ramona to have a good night, and Ramona walks away bug-eyed, with a stupid look of disbelief on her face.

And that’s how the cookie crumbled.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).