The Real Housewives of New Jersey are doing Beatstock. What do you mean you don’t know what Beatstock is? It’s a New Jersey/York dance/performance/hip-hop tradition! Now let’s get back to the boom, kat, boom boom kats, of choreography in preparation. Gia and Melissa are working hard, and boom katting in the studio.

Kathy wants to have a tasting in an ice cream shop for her desserts. Kathy and Rich aren’t getting along very well at the tasting, stepping on each other’s toes with their conflicting business approaches. Richie’s Wife’s Desserts may never be.

Oh god, that black water. Blk. has a booth at the Fancy Foods show, along with the Brownstone sauce line, so the Manzos will not be attending Beatstock. Caroline poses, awkwardly, for the sauce label, and it’s looking a little Screech’s Secret Sauce.

At the shore, Melissa walks out in a red swimsuit and Joe Gorga can barely contain himself. She can’t play with Tarzan, though, she has to focus on her upcoming performance. Later on, Joe wants to get freaky but their daughter walks in, unable to sleep. The poison!

Chris is driving the boys to the food show, but the blk. crew is goofing off too much. To pass the time, they play “F**k, Marry, Kill.” They pull off to grab a bite, and attempt the Shame Burger Challenge. And there’s something called “scrapple.” Chris and Greg take on the challenge, and I am uncomfortable witnessing a heart attack in the making. Neither of them completes the Shame Burger Challenge.

Many shots later at a bar, things get very un-businesslike. How bad do I want to hang out with Greg, though?!

Beatstock is here! Teresa’s daughters take advantage of the opportunity to pick on Melissa. “She’s probably going to use a CD backup,” Gia jokes. At least Gabriella told her she looked like “a boobie girl.” In the limo ride the way there, Teresa’s daughters make fun of Melissa some more. I wonder where they got that …

The Housewives are texting Melissa well-wishes, and Joe is trying to get in her pants.

In DC, at the Fancy Foods show, blk. rolls up ready to impress. They are also hung over, and Chris tells them it’s time to get serious or they’ll be thrown out. Chris Manzo doesn’t do serious very well. Greg is VERY serious about meeting Patti LaBelle. Wouldn’t you be? They get along immediately and I can’t even fathom how badly I would love to be in their joint presence. He sold her the water.

Gia’s act is up first, and seeing his daughter do “slow hip-hop” touches Joe Giudice so much that his eyes water. Milania yawns. MY FAVORITE! Watching Gia made Melissa nervous for her own performance.

Back at the food show, the Manzos are selling the crap out of some black water and some pasta sauces.

Melissa Gorga is On Display next! To be fair to Gia, Melissa was lip-syncing. But she did it! Teresa says she is “happy to support” Melissa. Maybe begrudgingly supportive is a better way of putting it.

After the food show, the Manzos warn Albie against dating Lindsey, or anyone for that matter. It’s all about selling this bad-idea water. Oh, but the Napa trip is impending …

Kathy feels inspired to go after the things she wants in life, like that tasting at Gelotti’s. So boring.

Teresa pulls Melissa aside and says she’s “ready to have a great time in Napa.” She has heard that the roads are wind-y. I have a feeling that the trip would be a lot better if Teresa wasn’t going. The Manzos also have this feeling.

(images courtesy of Bravo)

Carla Patton

Writer, BuddyTV

Originally from Seattle, Carla recently took a husband and moved to Austin, Texas, where she is finally using her television “problem” to her advantage. It’s sort of like Dexter, but boring and less murdering. Carla’s favorite shows include 30 RockThe Amazing RaceProject RunwayModern Family, anything with murder, and pretty much anything gross and weird (CSIThe BachelorToddlers & Tiaras, etc.). Favorite canceled shows include: Arrested DevelopmentVeronica Mars and Average Joe. In her spare time, Carla leads tours of downtown Austin on a Segway (don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!), blogs about Netflix Instant, and visits elementary schools telling children they don’t need math to succeed (just kidding, stay in school, kids).