Last time we saw our classy ladies of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Nicole was pulling Amber’s hair and Jim Marchese was calling Joe Gorga a “dumb f***.” And that was only four episodes in!
The Marcheses vs. Everyone
As you may have guessed, Joe Gorga did not take too kindly to being called dumb by Jim. He follows him outside while he tells Joe Giudice to stay inside, because they love each other now and they have each other’s backs.
Amber is screaming at Joe Gorga from the porch steps, telling him that Jim was only staying away from their family for the good of their family. Has anyone wondered why, if it was so bad for Jim to be seen anywhere with the Giudices, he joined a reality show where he knew he would be forced to interact with them?
Fortunately, yelling is about as far as it gets. Jim stands his ground against Joe Gorga when he gets in his face, telling him to back off before he sues him. In his confessional, Jim says he doesn’t believe violence solves anything. He believes being a lawyer solves his problems, and if Joe Gorga hits him, he’ll sue him, humiliate him and depose him in court where he will make him his bitch. That’s a lot of talk, Jim.
Nicole is still worked up in the basement, telling anyone with ears how Amber is just out to get her. She claims all she wanted to happen was for Amber to admit in front of everyone that she made up a lie about her. She’s disappointed that this fight had to take place in front of upstanding members of the community that she has to see at the Post Office. And Dunkin’ Donuts.
Amber and Jim have to go back in the house where they left their keys. Teresa and Dina calmly approach him and ask why he said what he said about Teresa’s family. He’s got an attitude right off the bat with them, telling them that he could put their family in danger if there was one-on-one contact. When Teresa and Dina ask him to clarify, he’s so condescending that it’s disgusting. He insults all of their low IQs and tells them he prosecutes mortgage fraud, and the Giudices are being prosecuted for mortgage fraud.
Dina tells him how rude and condescending he’s being, and he just gets worse. He asks, “What don’t you freaking understand?!” At that point, Dina has had enough. She tells Jim that he’s Amber’s bitch and says some other colorfully rude words to them. She says in her confessional that although she feels bad for Amber, she can’t be around her husband again.
Meanwhile, Nicole catches Bobby up to speed about how Amber said “That’s why he’ll never marry you” after their fight. She tells Bobby that if he ever speaks to Amber again, they’re done. Bobby doesn’t appreciate being threatened. He tells her that that’s his best friend’s wife and he had nothing to do with their fight. Nicole doesn’t think it matters. She wants her partner to have her back 100%, no matter what.
The Rooster’s Crow
Joe has a surprise for Teresa and the girls. He’s built a pen in the yard for some chickens. Milania is the only one impressed by them. Everyone else is grossed out by the dirt and the “mustard poop.” Teresa likes that they lay eggs without preservatives or steroids.
Dina goes to Serendipity to meet the hunk Matt from the party. He’s over half an hour late, though, so she orders herself some frozen hot chocolate and a plate of french fries. He apologizes when he arrives, saying he got a flat tire. A likely story. After the lateness, he’s charming and sweet, but Dina doesn’t think he’s very smart. She’s also unsure of how ready she is to date again.
Amber is still recovering from the party. She says it was her natural reaction to fight back when Nicole came at her, but she should have used more discernment and walked away.
Bobby stops by to return her hat. He claims that since he’s known Jim so long, he’s gotten very close to Amber as well. Walking in to Jim and Amber’s, he’s not sure if he can stay loyal to Nicole, even if she’s the one he’s dating.
Amber looks at Bobby and tells him she’s so ashamed of what he did. Bobby doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. He says she’s the one who spread rumors to Melissa about Nicole being a homewrecker. Jim asks how can he put Nicole over him and Amber, when he doesn’t even really like her that much. Bobby doesn’t appreciate Jim making up stories about things he supposedly said about Nicole, like how she’s a nag and wears too much makeup. They all agree that their friendship is over. Just like that. Bobby leaves the Marcheses’ house keys on the table and leaves.
While one alliance is breaking, another is forming. Melissa makes dinner for the twins, who get along great with Antonia. Nicole thinks Melissa and Joe are good and trustworthy people. She obviously hasn’t been watching the show the past few seasons. Nicole thinks the only way she could ever forgive Amber is if she’s very remorseful.
Milania in the Hen House
Unfortunately, some of the Giudice chickens don’t last the week after their German Shepherd gets into the hen house. Oops. But Joe and Rosie bring Milania to a farm to pick out some new ones. Rosie tells Joe that she’s been thinking about him and his family. She says she’s always there for them if they need her. I really appreciate how Rosie has been in this season a lot, and we don’t even have to see Kathy.
Amber invites Dina and Teresa for a spa day where they put nightingale droppings on your face. Because that’s what Real Housewives do. Dina has compassion for Amber because it was two against one, but she still thinks her husband is a piece of crap. Teresa also thinks that the twins should never have put their hands on Amber.
Amber starts off by apologizing on Jim’s behalf for how he spoke to them. While it’s nice, it’s not that nice because he’s not the one who is actually apologizing. Amber admits to being very hurt by Melissa. She admits that she was wrong to have said anything to her in the first place, but she still feels betrayed. Dina thinks that Melissa can be passive aggressive, and Teresa says that she can be cold at times. Melissa thinks that if Jesus could forgive, she could probably find it in herself to forgive Melissa. The twins, not so much.
Bobby takes Nicole to the gun range. He says the fight with Amber and Jimmy has brought them closer together because now she knows he has her back. Besides, he says Nicole did nothing wrong. Really? Did you not see the clump of hair? Amber didn’t pull that out herself.
Amber meets Melissa for drinks to try to work things out. She’s not even really looking for an apology but for empathy for the mayhem she created. Melissa says she didn’t think the fight was going to happen when she initially stirred the pot. She also says that it was Amber who started the aggression in the fight. Amber asks her why she repeated something she told her in confidence and Melissa says she feels no responsibility or guilt for how things escalated.
Amber tells Melissa that she took what she said and she started trouble. Which is pretty much what happened. Melissa says that if she didn’t want any trouble, she shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. Which is also true. The two end things on a sour note. But Melissa suggests she have a conversation with Nicole to smooth things over. Amber shuts that down, saying no, that will absolutely never happen.
Next week: Amber and Nicole meet to smooth things over. Who woulda thought?!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)