Since starting the new season of The Real Housewives of Miami last week, we’ve learned that Adriana has already been married to her supposed fiance, Frederic, for the last five years, and everyone, especially Lea, is all worked up about it.

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Brides Be Trippin’

We pick back up this week with Joanna and Romain having breakfast in bed arguing about whether or not they should sign prenuptial agreements. Joanna thinks that signing prenups are like planning the divorce, while Romain just likes to think of it as insurance. Based on your on-again/off-again romance, both of you signing prenups might be a smart idea.

Meanwhile, the other bride-to-be/married woman for the past five years, Adriana is still getting over her fake fight with Frederic. She is still feeling bitter over the fact that Frederic called off their wedding five years ago, despite the fact that, you know, THEY ARE ACTUALLY MARRIED. Honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can handle this story line. This has to be a new level of ridiculous for The Real Housewives.


Lisa is mad because there are a group of preservationist protesters that are trying to keep her and her husband, Lenny, from demolishing their Star Island mansion because it’s the house from Scarface (although it’s not really the house from Scarface, apparently). In fact, she’s so mad that she uses the word “preservationist” approximately 104 times.

Later in the episode, they visit the Star Island home and find that it had been previously inhabited by squatters. She laments the fact that they can’t tear the cockroach-infested place down right then and there and start building their dream home. Don’t you know how difficult it is to be paying two multi-million dollar mortgages at once? Yeah, neither do I.

Marysol and Alexia try and be preservationists by exercising to preserve their bodies. (See what I did there?) Alexia tries to comfort Marysol while she is going through her mother’s health crisis. She says that while she was helping her son Frankie through his accident, it was important for her to hold on to hope.

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Retail Therapy

Adriana meets with wedding planner Rick Campbell, who helped her plan Frederic’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary last season. She tells him that she wants to arrive to her wedding in a hot air balloon where everyone is wearing white except for her. It’s going to be like “heaven on earth” and all in six weeks, of course!

She meets Alexia and Marysol to go dress shopping. Besides trying on a ridiculous wedding dress with almost as many swarovski crystals as yards of tulle, the ladies do some serious smack-talking about Lea. Adriana says she’s been summoned to Lea’s place and she’s already on the offensive. She claims that Lea is the one who planted the story about her already being married in the tabloids as revenge for Adriana not backing her up at the reunion when Ana attacked her.

Joanna, Lisa and Lea are somewhere in another bridal boutique looking at shoes for Joanna’s big day. Besides talking about prenups (in case you’re curious, Lisa signed one and Lea didn’t) — surprise, surprise — the conversation turns to Adriana. Lea emphasizes the fact that she feels betrayed by Adriana who lied to her about being married when Lea was giving her money to help her support herself and her son.

Miami Showdown

Adriana agrees to meet Lea at her home, but she shows up with an attitude. As soon as she gets there, Lea confronts her about lying about being married — and Adriana denies, denies, denies.

This is basically what Adriana tells Lea: YES, she got the marriage license, YES, she got married, but NO, she is NOT married.

Because this logic is, well, faulty, to say the least, Lea is not buying it. But she stays cool and calm while Adriana keeps getting more and more worked up as she’s caught in multiple lies. She accuses Lea of throwing her favors to her right back in her face, and then even goes on to deny that Lea ever helped her at all.

The episode ends with Adriana storming off, but not before her screaming some incoherent things about her son and being a parent who raises their kids with proper values (what?) and stands in the rain waiting for her cab to come. Lea tells Adriana to come back inside and goes out to get her with an umbrella, but Adriana, like an angry teenager who was denied driving privileges, refuses to accept any more favors from Lea.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)

Gina Pusateri

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV