If you’re reading this recap, it’s probably because you missed this episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, “House of Cards,” to tune in to the State of the Union. Don’t worry; I won’t hold it against you! Let me catch you up on everything juicy that’s happening in the 90210.

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Spa Day

Kyle’s organized a day trip to Santa Barbara for a spa day with the girls, except Yolanda, who is still in New York with her daughters. Lisa Vanderpump isn’t thrilled about spending any extra time with Brandi, but she says if Eileen can stand to be on a bus with her for two hours after having wine thrown in her face, she can stand it too.

Brandi, Lisa Vanderpump and Eileen break off into one group for massages. Before Eileen leaves the party to go to work, she tells them that she and her husband are throwing a poker party, and since he hosts the World Series of Poker, it’s a pretty big deal. Unfortunately, Vanderpump will miss it because she’ll be in Cabo.

Kyle, Kim and Lisa Rinna are in the second group for massages. Kyle asks if Eileen is okay with Brandi since the wine-throwing incident. Lisa Rinna says she thinks she is, it was just so bizarre. Kyle says she knows Brandi and she knows what she’s capable of, so she doesn’t quite trust her. Kim still maintains that it’s just Brandi being Brandi.

After their massages, the ladies go for a wine tasting. Kyle immediately feels awkward because she says there was a miscommunication with the planning and she didn’t mean to plan something that would make Kim feel uncomfortable. What most likely happened is that the producers planned this trip and completely disregarded Kim or forgot about her struggles with sobriety. Either way, it’s not fair to Kim.

Kyle tries to check on her and make sure she’s okay. She insists she is, and after removing herself for a while to take a call, she rejoins the ladies. She says she feels strong enough at this point to be okay. Good for her.

In the party van on the way back to Beverly Hills, the ladies talk about their fantasies. Lisa Rinna says hers includes Brad Pitt. Kyle wants to be a stripper (after seeing four seasons of her thirst for attention, this doesn’t surprise me in the least). Brandi talks about a gross scenario in which she walks in on the guy she’s with having sex with another woman and him not being able to stop until he finishes. Even Brandi’s fantasies are trashy.

A day or so after their trip, Kim meets Kyle at her store, then they go to lunch. Kyle offers up a sincere apology about putting her in the wine-tasting situation. Kim says she’s totally okay with it. Kyle is happy that the two of them have a healthier relationship now where they can talk about things instead of letting animosity silently grow between them.

Know When to Hold ‘Em

Vince and Eileen prepare for their poker party. Eileen says she does most of the work when they throw a party, even though Vince would say the opposite.

Kyle and Brandi take a limo to the party together and Brandi brings three bottles of champagne. I know they’re always complaining about how far Malibu is, but three bottles seems excessive. The two talk about the wine tasting and Kim. Kyle opens up to Brandi about the problems their family has gone through and Brandi listens graciously. She says in her confessional she knows that alcoholism is a disease, not a personality trait.

Kim and Lisa Rinna are carpooling to the same party. And right away, Lisa Rinna can tell something’s off about Kim. She asks her if she’s drinking or on drugs and Kim’s response is no, she’s just “ornery.” Right off the bat, that’s a bad sign. Sober Kim would have viciously defended her sobriety.

It only gets worse from there. She starts talking nonsensically about Monty and being in pain and then going back to acting. Lisa Rinna tries to temper her crazy, but she’s not sure how to handle Kim’s aggressiveness. She just wants to exit the situation, but she’s stuck in the car.

Brandi, who is already drunk when they arrive, is rude to Eileen right away, calling her house “Norman Bates Chic.” Lisa Rinna tries to distance herself from Kim, not wanting to get in the middle of what’s going on with her.

Things escalate at the poker table, where Vince is kindly trying to teach them all how to play Texas Hold ‘Em. Brandi is swearing at everyone and calling Kyle stupid when she doesn’t get how to play. Kim is doing well in the game, so she accuses Kyle of being jealous of her. At some point, a light bulb goes off in Kyle’s head that her sister is definitely off the wagon. She excuses herself to the bathroom.

Kim follows Kyle to the bathroom where they have a hushed conversation. Kim admits to having taken some of Monty’s pain medication. Kyle is scared and worried for her sister. But at least part of her is glad she told her the truth.

When Kim comes out of the bathroom, she tells Brandi that Kyle made her feel uncomfortable. Brandi is sick of Kim being so judgmental, so she tells her she has her back. Kim goes to say goodbye and tells Kyle, “Thanks a lot for that,” in a sarcastic voice.

Kyle tries to find out what she’s talking about, but Brandi won’t let her get anywhere near Kim as she escorts her to the door. Things get heated and Kyle demands to talk to her sister without Brandi’s interference. Kyle tries to push Brandi aside and Brandi reacts with an aggressive shove.

And that’s where we leave things for now. Poor Kim is off the wagon. Poor Kyle is worried for her sister and has now been humiliated and manhandled by Brandi. And poor Eileen and Vince were just trying to throw a nice party.

In the next episode, it looks like things get even worse as the fight continues outside Eileen’s home. Yikes.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

Gina Pusateri

Contributing Writer, BuddyTV