In this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, “50 Shades of Shade,” Cynthia and Peter become business partners. Claudia and Kandi bond. NeNe manages to snub both Kenya and Claudia at a social event.
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Bar One More Time
It was just a few seasons ago that Cynthia swore she would never again mix business with pleasure. Her investment in Peter’s nightclub was Gone with the Wind, and the supposed self-made man was anything but.
Peter has continued to open differing incarnations of the same tired establishment, Bar One, with the same end result: they all close. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result?
This time around, Cynthia is a full-fledged partner and believes that the dilapidated rat trap where Peter wants to open the club this time has more promise. Why? Because next door are the remains of a funeral home that housed Martin Luther King, Jr.’s body before burial. She’s actually dumb enough to equate the civil rights leader’s dream with her and Peter’s.
Elsewhere in Atlanta…
This episode, much like the season thus far, is dull, dull, dull. Phaedra decides to build a gate to keep out the crazies and is genuinely disappointed that it can’t be electrified. Claudia continues her campaign to seem like a more interesting person by cozying up to Kandi and scoring an invite to appear on Kandi Koated Nights.
Last, and least, Kenya takes a break from doing nothing to get a facial with her beloved Aunt Lori. She regales the woman with tales of her personal growth because she was able to sit at a table with Porsha, have drinks and not get any hair snatched out of her head. She also has made the mistake of believing that a buzzed NeNe is a genuine NeNe.
Speaking of really bad hair (weren’t we?), NeNe is fielding offers to appear on Broadway.
Kandi Koated Nights 2.0
Kandi Koated Nights has experienced a rebirth: new set, new crew, etc. Claudia is the inaugural guest, and she gets initiated very quickly when Kandi asks if the rumor that Claudia had given Jaime Foxx head is fact or fiction. Claudia, after swigging a mouthful of wine (stall tactic), says the two have a brother and sister type of relationship. Even on a show that is all about getting down and dirty, Claudia manages to comes across as interesting as toast. When is this woman going to earn her stripes and get into a catfight?
Phaedra receives an award from the National Bar Association, the oldest and largest national association for African American lawyers and judges, for being such a super-star attorney. Kind of hard to believe since we’ve only seen her get fired by Sheree and defend a hairdresser for theft. Phaedra is most thankful that this group of professionals are able to look past her personal drama.
NeNe Kills the Vibe
Kandi decides to gather the herd for a girls’ night of naughty fun. Imagine Kenya’s surprise when she tries to greet NeNe with a hug and is rebuffed. So much for bygones. NeNe compares herself to a one night stand, saying, “I bang you and then if I don’t want to do you no more, I don’t do you.” She says she and Kenya may be cool, but that doesn’t mean they’re friends.
The women may be in Hotlanta, but Claudia definitely feels a chill when her introduction to NeNe is met with a dismissive wave of the hand. Unlike Kenya, who immediately runs to Cynthia to talk about NeNe behind her back, Claudia pulls aside a rather unenthusiastic NeNe to deal with the issue head-on.
NeNe claims that it’s nothing personal but then admits that Claudia keeps company with at least one woman of questionable character, Kenya. Claudia tries to argue that this shouldn’t reflect on her character, but her plea falls on deaf ears.
Kandi has enlisted Dr. Rachael Ross, a sexologist, to help loosen the ladies up. First up, “The Bondage Game,” which involves tying up NeNe and Cynthia in the hopes of fostering feelings of friendship. Tight-ass NeNe refuses, which pretty much demolishes what little headway she and Cynthia recently made in an attempt to renew their friendship. It’s funny how many chances NeNe gave Kim, but then again, their relationship was far more superficial.
More fun is to be had when Kandi and Kenya strap themselves to one another and roll around a bit.
Things finally get really good when Demetria discovers what everyone else already knows, that Roger Bob isn’t as committed to their relationship as he has led her to believe. Turns out a blue-haired nymph by the name of Gocha informs Demetria that she dated the media mogul, and according to him, he was just Demetria’s manager. It’s a bit hard for a party to rebound after taking a hit like that.
Demetria’s public humiliation does draw the attention away from the usual suspects’ petty dramas, and they have all got strong opinions on the shady ways of Roger Bob.
Watching RHOA this season is like attending a stale office Christmas party where none of the co-workers like each other but go through the motions because it’s expected of them. I could really go for a good dog funeral right about now.
The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sundays at 8pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)